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Codependent mother possibly enabling bipolar husband

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My mother who I believe is codependent because of her past relationshiphs. She pretty much gets the same type of man, one she has to work and take care of, jobless, alcoholic, only wants to work when he feels like it, cheats. Well in 2003 she met a man that completely mislead her to believe he had his stuff together, had his own ac business. They married in 2004 and she has supported him since. Since then he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he has put his hand on her, (it's been a few yrs since) he's a alcoholic that can not handle it, get phsycotic drunk, I mean off the wa
L crazy. He leaves and stays gone all nite and sometimes days. He has had her put in jail a couple times by lying to police. My mother has custody of my nephews, and he is contantly complaining that he cant take it anymore, she going to have to send them Back to their mother or hes leaving her, he gets up and goes to The casinos 3 hr away when he feels like it, Now that he is getting a disabillity check. He is constantly crossing boundaries and disrespecting her. I feel as he is spoiled rotten. My mom has bought him everything including vehicles. He is constanty talking about when he gets his big check he is leaving my mom and headed to the beach and never coming back.There is a lot more, but I'm just going to finish with most recent. As I said he recently started receiving checks and the day he received his back ss disabily for 2200 he of course took off to Florida. Been gone for 3 weeks, now is wanting to come back. She just admitted to me over a month ago she found out he was in a motel with another woman. She blames everything on his bipolar disorder, or because he hasn't taking his meds. She works 6 days a week and takes care of him and 3 boys. He does nothing to help her, all he does is complain on how he's soo stressed and gonna leave. He won't help with house work, my mother says he's incapable because of his disorder, but he can fix a ac unit and fridgerator. He works only when he feels like it. And his money is his money, he never has to pay a bill nor does he offer. Basically I need to know if I'm to harsh on my mother by trying to get her to put down boundaries, and stop enabling him. I feel he manipulates her with his disorder. A few months ago he disappeared in her car for a couple days, we tried to track him down, but then we got a phone call from the psychiatric ward, that he had admitted himself and he was ready to go home just after being in there a couple hrs. Then he took her to pick her car from a motel where he left it. I feel he admitted himself just to get out of trouble with her. Just as he is doing now after leaving her for 3 weeks and blowing all his money he has now admitted himself again to a rehab I guess for his alcoholism. But wasn't in there a week. And trying to sweet talk my mom. So again my question is could she be codependent, and a enabler, or should I feel more understanding of her husbands behavior and sit back and let him destroy her, she already has high blood pressure. I'm worried about her physical and mental state. I want her to be happy and health, and his actions around my nephews I'm surprised no one has called CPs.
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replied October 22nd, 2011
Community Volunteer
Hi Crissy2011 and welcome to ehealth: The problem with what you are encountering, (and you are right) is that she probably will not listen to you...Sometimes when a woman falls in love with a man it can blind her...They seem to find someplace within themselves to tolerate a behavior that should not be tolerated...They make excuses when excuses should not be made...IMO, the best thing you can do is to talk with her...Tell her how you feel and hope that she gains the insight to move forward....Good luck...Take care....

Caroline
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