I'm 40 years old...41 in April! ugh! I'm happily married with 4 kids, and I really have nothing to be unhappy about.
My father commmitted suicide 2 weeks before my 15th birthday. Ok, it's been 25 years, but it's not something you ever get over.
I always thought I wasn't good enough for him to stick around for. But now, I have clinical depression, anxiety, phobias and a touch of OCD.
I know now how my father felt. These demons are horrifying and almost killing me.
Somedays I feel so out of touch with life~like no one else could possibly understand what I'm going through.
I get so anxious that I make myself physically ill. I just want to stay in bed, but even then, it doesn't make me feel any better.
I have no friends~partly because I live in the country and partly because everyone keeps to themselves. I have given my phone numbers to my childrens' friends moms, and they never call.
Do they see that I'm just "weird"?? Can they sense that I am anxious and depressed??
I am so ridden with anxiety & so depressed that I am seriously thinking of committing myself to the psychiatric ward, just so that I can get some one on one help.
I see a psychologist now...I also see a psychotherapist. I am on 5 different meds...
It's a tough road, and I'm tired of going it alone. My poor husband... I feel so bad for him. He's trying so hard to help me and be there for the kids...I don't know what I'd do without him.
Is there anyone out there who would like to be email buddies.... I need someone who knows what I'm going through.