So... I found a Youtube video of Ex's piece. If he knows of it, why he chose not to share is obvious. If he knows not of it, I'm certainly not going to direct it to his attention. He also won a University competition, which he decided not to blog about, and which why he chose not to share is obvious. I've deleted what remains of our correspondence from my Sent box, and removed “Name of piece” from my Downloads folder. Somehow, I can't seem to bring myself to delete his text message from my cell, but all in due course I'm sure. I would delete our ONE picture together, but it is permanently burned onto a disk that I simply cannot yet discard at this point in time. I listen to a friend's video on the “40 things every woman should know” almost on a daily/nightly basis to help me from falling all over again. The thought had occurred to me to ask him for personal experience stories about CertainUniversity, since I am entertaining applying there once my braces have come off, but that is simply out of the question now.

He is a detestable man, and I cannot believe I was ever in love with him. I cannot believe I ever spoke the words “I greatly admire and respect you, both as a musician and as a person, and I always will.” I cannot believe that I ever thought the words “I love you.” I cannot believe that a part of me will always hold on to these feelings, because, let's face it, a part of me really always will. But I am tired of giving and giving so generously and getting nothing in return. No wonder I succumbed to depression: I was completely depleted of myself, I gave so much to him that I lost all of me and even ventured into the negative space that I didn't realize existed or was possible. Well, I shall do that no more. NO MORE GIVING.

No more.