Children of a schizophrenic parent

Hi

I am one of three daughters. My sisters and I have a mother who has suffered from schizophrenia for nearly 30 years. I was 9 years old when my mother was committed under the mental health act (we are in NZ), my younger sisters were 8 & 5. We all remember the day we accompanied our mother to the psychiatric hospital, and were left in the 'care' of mental health patients while we could hear our mum screaming in protest as she was held down and given mediation to sedate her. Needless to say she had been very unwell for nearly 18 months and things were dire - we were malnourished & not properly looked after simply because our mum was too unwell to be able to look after us adequately. The day after she was committed, we went to live with our dad.

Over the years she was in and out of hospital, but it wasn't until I reached the age of 21 that I had to do what I had been dreading - I had to have my mother committed. A young psychiatrist who had seen mum when I accompanied her to an appointment previously had told her "I am confident you have grown out of your illness [acute paranoid schizophrenia] so I am going to take you off your medication". Mum was overjoyed, she didn't believe anything was wrong with her anyway. When she left the room, I told the doctor he was making a big mistake . . . The day he came with the mental health team, he could barely look me in the eye, particularly when I confronted him and said "I told you this would happen".

Having to do that for my mum was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do and it broke my heart when she turned to me and said through all of the fractured thoughts in her mind, "Oh Angie, what have you done?".

After this relapse, she was well for 12 years. This was a blessing and the longest time she had been stable for. She had a far better social life than I did, she was a patient advocate, she took classes, volunteered in charity shops, went to Church . .. over an 18 month period, she slowly began to isolate herself. In 2009 I had to go down that road again. Things have never been the same for my mum, she hasn't been able to regain the confidence and support networks that she had during those 12 years of being stable. I have recently had to have her committed again, and much to my sadness & dread, I have recently learned that as people who suffer from schizophrenia get older, they relapse more and more frequently over time. There is an added issue now, my mum has diabetes and had been taking metformin for a number of years, but now requires insulin as her pancreas is no longer producing it. She does not comprehend this and is refusing to have insulin. I now worry that I will go around to see her one day and find her either in a diabetic coma, or worse.

I am struggling to find a balance now. I am the only one who lives in the same town as my mum and although my sisters help as much as they can, it falls to me to attend meetings etc because I live here. I am finally reaching out. I need to talk to other people with families (I am married with two young boys) who have a family member with schizophrenia. I need ideas on how to find a balance . .. Also to talk to children of parents with schizophrenia. It's hard. *sigh*