ere is the thing; i never met my biological parents. and was raised by 4 teenage cousins, a physically and sexually abusive uncle and older brother;until i was six.in a house that had very poor living conditions.on that birthday my baby cousin who was three got hit by a car right in front of me. i tried to save him but i couldn't get to him in time. i sat there with him dead and covered with blood in my arms. needless to say that the authorities arrived and saw the living conditions that we were in and all of us kids were immediately moved to foster care.which wasn't much better.when i was living with my uncle he was molesting me one day and i tried to get away he stabbed me in the face.i had to get several stitches and i still have a very visible scar to remind of that.i also have a tattoo since i was an infant.anyways i was taken out of foster care on my 7th birthday because of molestation, and put into a group home. i lived there until i was 13;when i was adopted. i am 34 now and i am reliving all of this in nightmares.i get depressed and have low self esteem.i some times have thoughts of suicide. im to strong and see that as a cop out. plus i love my parents to much.but i have become numb.i don't use drugs. although i did when i was in my twenties.i always had nightmares but not this frequently.i see every thing i lived through as though it was yesterday.i have told no one of this until now.i lost a very good job due this and about to loose my apartment. i don't know what o do. i would like to be able to celebrate holidays and my birthday.i have never been able to do that.