ere is the thing; i never met my
biological parents. and was raised by 4
teenage cousins, a physically and sexually
abusive uncle and older brother;until i
was six.in a house that had very poor
living conditions.on that birthday my baby
cousin who was three got hit by a car
right in front of me. i tried to save him
but i couldn't get to him in time. i sat
there with him dead and covered with blood
in my arms. needless to say that the
authorities arrived and saw the living
conditions that we were in and all of us
kids were immediately moved to foster
care.which wasn't much better.when i was
living with my uncle he was molesting me
one day and i tried to get away he stabbed
me in the face.i had to get several
stitches and i still have a very visible
scar to remind of that.i also have a
tattoo since i was an infant.anyways i was
taken out of foster care on my 7th
birthday because of molestation, and put
into a group home. i lived there until i
was 13;when i was adopted. i am 34 now and
i am reliving all of this in nightmares.i
get depressed and have low self esteem.i
some times have thoughts of suicide. im to
strong and see that as a cop out. plus i
love my parents to much.but i have become
numb.i don't use drugs. although i did
when i was in my twenties.i always had
nightmares but not this frequently.i see
every thing i lived through as though it
was yesterday.i have told no one of this
until now.i lost a very good job due this
and about to loose my apartment. i don't
know what o do. i would like to be able to
celebrate holidays and my birthday.i have
never been able to do that.
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stillwithpain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 9
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
i didnt finish what i had to say Posted: 10-04-08 17:02pm
i get really depressed around holidays and
often spend them alone so i don't bring
others down.sometimes i just think i feel
sorry for myself and i should just get
over it. but this is the way i have been
my whole life.its hard to be in a
relationship because of this.i have had
only one girlfriend in my life.we lasted 5
years she couldn't take my depression
anymore.and i cant either.i have been
single 3 years now.i have no problem
meeting girls i get flirted with all the
time but i just blow them off.they ask me
about my scar all the time.and i make
something ridiculous up.i don't talk about
it.i got picked on when i was a kid
because of it.growing up i always tried to
pretend i was someone else.i was never
popular and always got into trouble.but i
have always been kind heartened and will
do anything for anyone; i will give my
last dime to help someone.i just want the
nightmares to stop.sometimes i wake up
crying in a cold sweat.this just started
recently.i am finding it hard to function
lately. can someone tell me whats wrong
with me?
|
hope2121
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Sep 2008 Posts: 39 Location: christchurch, new zealand
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
Hey Posted: 10-05-08 21:52pm
Hey my background was as bad as yours but
i had some similar stuff happened and i am
still getting over it and you need to talk
to a professional or you can call lifeline
its private.
Also just find people who have been
thorugh the same stuff.
good luck let me know if you need nymore
help or just wanna chat
|
danielv
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jul 2003 Posts: 133 Location: , Europe
Thanks: 1
Thanked:4
Posted: 10-06-08 10:52am
hello stillwithpain,
i am deeply touched by your life story, it
is by no means an easy one.
the very fact that you are here, and have
shared this much of your story says that
you are looking to face and resolve the
things that happened to you.
sometimes, just to share what happened to
us can take a burden off of our shoulders.
do you have someone close to you that you
feel like you can share this with in real
life?
if not, there are very caring and
compassionate therapists out there that
would be able to guide you through the
process of releasing these feelings in a
safe and secure way.
i'm sure that you will find beneath the
bewilderment alot of anger and resentment.
sometimes the things that happen are so
awful and without any reason, and yet we
continue... this leaves us in a very
strange situation.
it seems that the people that did this to
you suffered from their own sort of
sickness, and were probably also violated
when they were younger. even if you
understand why or how these things
happened it may take many years for you to
fully accept it, and to process this.
all i can say is this. sometimes we have
to work with what we are given, so i would
encourage you to use this pain and to
channel it into love, into creativity, and
into compassion for others.
i am sure that you will find that having
gone thru this, that you may be able to
help many others who may be taking it much
worse than you.
