Mental Conditions Forum - childhood trauma
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childhood trauma

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stillwithpain

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childhood trauma
Posted: 10-04-08 07:52am

ere is the thing; i never met my biological parents. and was raised by 4 teenage cousins, a physically and sexually abusive uncle and older brother;until i was six.in a house that had very poor living conditions.on that birthday my baby cousin who was three got hit by a car right in front of me. i tried to save him but i couldn't get to him in time. i sat there with him dead and covered with blood in my arms. needless to say that the authorities arrived and saw the living conditions that we were in and all of us kids were immediately moved to foster care.which wasn't much better.when i was living with my uncle he was molesting me one day and i tried to get away he stabbed me in the face.i had to get several stitches and i still have a very visible scar to remind of that.i also have a tattoo since i was an infant.anyways i was taken out of foster care on my 7th birthday because of molestation, and put into a group home. i lived there until i was 13;when i was adopted. i am 34 now and i am reliving all of this in nightmares.i get depressed and have low self esteem.i some times have thoughts of suicide. im to strong and see that as a cop out. plus i love my parents to much.but i have become numb.i don't use drugs. although i did when i was in my twenties.i always had nightmares but not this frequently.i see every thing i lived through as though it was yesterday.i have told no one of this until now.i lost a very good job due this and about to loose my apartment. i don't know what o do. i would like to be able to celebrate holidays and my birthday.i have never been able to do that.
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stillwithpain

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i didnt finish what i had to say
Posted: 10-04-08 17:02pm

i get really depressed around holidays and often spend them alone so i don't bring others down.sometimes i just think i feel sorry for myself and i should just get over it. but this is the way i have been my whole life.its hard to be in a relationship because of this.i have had only one girlfriend in my life.we lasted 5 years she couldn't take my depression anymore.and i cant either.i have been single 3 years now.i have no problem meeting girls i get flirted with all the time but i just blow them off.they ask me about my scar all the time.and i make something ridiculous up.i don't talk about it.i got picked on when i was a kid because of it.growing up i always tried to pretend i was someone else.i was never popular and always got into trouble.but i have always been kind heartened and will do anything for anyone; i will give my last dime to help someone.i just want the nightmares to stop.sometimes i wake up crying in a cold sweat.this just started recently.i am finding it hard to function lately. can someone tell me whats wrong with me?
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hope2121

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Hey
Posted: 10-05-08 21:52pm

Hey my background was as bad as yours but i had some similar stuff happened and i am still getting over it and you need to talk to a professional or you can call lifeline its private.

Also just find people who have been thorugh the same stuff.


good luck let me know if you need nymore help or just wanna chat
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danielv

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Posted: 10-06-08 10:52am

hello stillwithpain,

i am deeply touched by your life story, it is by no means an easy one.
the very fact that you are here, and have shared this much of your story says that you are looking to face and resolve the things that happened to you.

sometimes, just to share what happened to us can take a burden off of our shoulders. do you have someone close to you that you feel like you can share this with in real life?

if not, there are very caring and compassionate therapists out there that would be able to guide you through the process of releasing these feelings in a safe and secure way.

i'm sure that you will find beneath the bewilderment alot of anger and resentment. sometimes the things that happen are so awful and without any reason, and yet we continue... this leaves us in a very strange situation.

it seems that the people that did this to you suffered from their own sort of sickness, and were probably also violated when they were younger. even if you understand why or how these things happened it may take many years for you to fully accept it, and to process this.

all i can say is this. sometimes we have to work with what we are given, so i would encourage you to use this pain and to channel it into love, into creativity, and into compassion for others.

i am sure that you will find that having gone thru this, that you may be able to help many others who may be taking it much worse than you.

my prayers go out to you
-daniel
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