Ending a Relationship Forum - 1 child and pregnant what do I do?

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Q: 1 child and pregnant what do I do?

asked by: worriedauzzi on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I don't know who to turn to or talk to. My partner and I have mutual friend's so I can't tell any of them about this. We have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. And I took a pregnancy test yesterday it came back positive after having a discussion with him before I knew I was pregnant. And I said I could not go through an abortion and if I were pregnant I'd keep it. To that he flip'd out. He said he couldn't handle having another one and can barely handle our daughter. We are 22 years old. He then gave me a speal about how he couldn't handle telling his parents and boss and that they would kill him. We've had a strange relationship .. went out for a year broke up but still saw each other and I got pregnant and then we got back together after she was born. It has really made me sad. Even if I terminate the pregnancy. The way he reacted telling me that if I were pregnant and kept it he would have no choice but to leave me and our baby. And have nothing to do with us. I'm just so shocked at his reaction. This is a man I have known my whole childhood ... somebody I have grown up with, all his friend's are my friend's. And for him to say straight up if I kept it he'd up and leave. It's really broken my heart. Today I'm telling him I am pregnant! I don't know what to do. Every bone in my body is saying leave him he obviously doesn't love me or our child but I love him so much. I obviously am going to have to have an abortion because I cannot raise two children under two alone. And I can't take my baby's daddy from her. What should I do? I need to leave him don't I? I'm just so shattered at his reaction. I'm at my mother's house at the moment. If I break up with him .. that means I break up with my friend's also and I will be all alone. But now that I know he doesn't even love me how can I bare to stay with him? I'm just so guttered I feel sick to the stomach I'm completly in love with this man I can't bare not to be with him but how can I stay? Also if/when I end things he will move on and get somebody else. I can't even imagine seeing him with somebody else. It would break me.

Replies(18)

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I don't know if I should leave him .. I have to see him soon.

rightside

replied on June 25th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Sometimes men say things they don't mean. You have no way of knowing what he is going to say until you tell him. You are not a mind reader, so until you tell him, try not to assume what he is going to say. If you tell him and he says he is leaving, then he apparently doesn't love you as much as you thought. You are not a child. You are a grown woman and should have been protected with birth control. At 22, and not married, with one child, I am surprised you didn't take precautions. You have some tough choices to make. But do not make them lightly. This is a little life now, who didn't ask to be in the middle of this conflict. You both have to sit down, and decide what is best for all of you. Don't plan to leave yourself until you talk to him and make sure he wasn't just saying those hurtful things out of anger or frustration. If he leaves, you will have to make the choice yourself. It's not going to be easy, but I hope that this will make you be more careful in the future. Good luck.

TexasAngel1206

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

omg that is soo crazy.. I would tell him and see what he says.. If he leaves you that is just down right sorry.. Is there anyone that can help you with the kids if he does leave? As far as your friends if they side with him then you dont need them either..Its not like you did this on your own or you tricked him, he knew it was possible by not using protection.. and as far as his parents, he is 22 yrs old and not a child.. if they didnt "kill" him with the first baby, they wont with this one.. i hope this helps.. please let me know what happens... i wish you the best of luck.. pm me if you wanna talk more..
Alyssa

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I told him I am. He says either I have an abortion or he leaves me and his daughter. See the thing is I had stopped ovulating and hadn't gotten my period's in months. My doctor took me off the pill and said to wait until I ovulated. I've been home testing and it's always been negative until yesterday a pregnancy test said positive. So either I have the baby and he leaves. Or I get rid of it but If I do I don't know If I still want him!

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

Thanks .. I just got off the phone to him, he's at work. Yes he is 22 but so young at heart. I told him i'd agree to have an abortion because we can't handle two at the moment. He apoligized for the way he acted ... but threatening to leave me ... sorry really can't cut that. I've spoken to some of my girls they all think he just said it out of shock. It's not as if they'd side with him its if I went out with them an broke up with him he'd still come. I don't know maybe I'm just being emotional but after his reaction its really made me doubt our relationship and his relationship with his daughter.

wendyrs

replied on June 25th, 2009

Supporter

What are some of the things going on that may be the reason why he thinks his boss and parents will kill him. Have you two been struggling financially? Are there other problems in the relationship? He may just be really stressed at 22 having a gf and a child. The thought of another one he can't comprehend because although he may love you, he may feel like everything is coming on too fast. I'm not making excuses for him but there must be a reason he feels this way about having another baby. You should talk to him right away and tell him you are pregnant and discuss what would be best for all of you. It takes two to make a baby so don't let him put all the blame on you. If he was so worried about it he should have made sure you were protected. I hope everything works out for you. Keep us updated and don't leave him until you find out what is going on.

Users who thank wendyrs for this post: TexasAngel1206

TexasAngel1206

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

Im sorry but i dont know if i could stay with a person like that.. How can he just up and leave you and his daughter.. what else does he feel this way about? mb in a few days he will change his mind? Is adoption an option for yall?

TexasAngel1206

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

No I could never go through 9months of bonding and then adopt out. What makes him feel this way? Well he's an bad person honestly. I guess he thinks things are moving to fast and he'l be trapped forever. But he should of thought of that before I fell pregnant. He is very immature. Its made me realise I honestly cannot have another right now. And especially with how he has acted. Just making me re think if I want to be with someone like this ... I mean he apoligized but didn't retract what he said.

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I wrote i. d' i.. 0tbut they changed it to fool.

TexasAngel1206

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

I dunno.. Are yall struggling right now..? I'm 21 and I have been with my bf for 3 and a half years and i want a baby soo bad but he works a job where hes gone for 20 days at a time and home for 10..Most of that time he plays Halo online.. Guys r sooo immature it drives me crazy.. I understand about not being able to just give up your baby.. I would seriously sit down with him and find out y he just up and said he would leave you and his daughter..Did he not consider that you could get pregnant while you were off the pill..? Mb he has good reasons and i just dont know them.. BUT if i were you i would always wonder if he will up and say this again to a different kind of situation..?

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

Yeah he just called again. Guess he feels guilty for what he said. He says he loves me and is sorry for how he acted but cannot have another one. As he earns not much and we currently live with my parents and we are only 22 and yes he also plays halo online all the time as well!!!!! ARGHH soo annoying!! Wish he'd grow up ... maybe someday.

TexasAngel1206

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

Thats good that he called and he felt bad for what he said..ahhahah that is so funny..HALO IS GAY I HATE IT.. His brother is like 27 and Still plays even though he has 2 kids and im like ugh i hope my bf doesnt do that..I dont know if they will ever grow out of it..Well i hope everything turns out good for yall

rightside

replied on June 25th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

I told you, men sometimes say things they don't mean. And as you say, he is immature for his age. Most men are. I have one rule of thumb that always has helped me. "ACTIONS speak louder than words." See how he is in a day or so, after he has had time to think about things. Do your parents want you to abort this child? My guess would be no. Maybe they can help you if you keep it for a while till you both get on your feet. In relationships, you have to learn that just because someone says something hurtful to you, that's not a reason to want to leave or fall out of love with them. If it is that easy, then you have to question if the love is real. I think you will be able to talk to him, and take a few days to decide what to do. I have seen many men fall totally in love with a child they swore they didn't want, so don't fret too much at this point. Talk it over without fighting, get it all out in the open, and you will find the decision that's best for all of you.

wendyrs

replied on June 25th, 2009

Supporter

I think the fact that he feels bad for what he said and probably said it under stress is reason to forgive him. Living with his parents and already having a child at a young age is very difficult and I don't blame him for not wanting another. This explains why he said his parents would kill him. He should have been more careful though when having sex with you and now even though I don't think you should leave him, you both have a big decision to make. Are you ok with having an abortion? That's what is important now. I wish you luck and hope everything works out well for you.

worriedauzzi

replied on June 25th, 2009

Experienced User

Thanks everyone for your help.

wendyrs

replied on June 25th, 2009

Supporter

We will be here if you need to talk. I'm sure things will work out fine for you. Hang in there.

Wendy

goody2shoes1982

replied on July 16th, 2009

New User

i will tell you this and i hope this helps any man who can walk away from his love an child and don't want to take the responsibility's that he has created himself don't seem to be worth a hoot any ways and let me tell you this also your a woman and if you put your mind to raising those two children you can do it have have one child right now and im six months pregnant with my second and my husband beat the crap out of me back in feb of this year and i left him never to go back and it's been very hard let me tell you but no man is better than your children and if you have an abortion you will regret it the rest of your life so i leave you with this what's more important to you, a man or your kids think hard before you make you final choice and may god be with you always

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