Now, I'm 19. I am no where near where I started in this life. My family has grown and the experiences I've been through have made me appreciate the people in my life all the more. You never know when what you have might slip away.

It was 2003, I was 13. We had just moved, my oldest sister moved out - and my mom announced she's pregnant, for the 3rd time since me. This time she'd had a boy, Sam.
My parents had been having problems with Jen (2nd oldest). As soon as she started going to her new school - she completely changed. Ran away constantly, and we all know the kind of trouble a 17 year old girl can get themselves into - ended up pregnant!

My parents constantly compared me to her - they didn't want me to be anything like her so they wouldn't let me go to school. They homeschooled me instead. I hated it.
The only friend I had was Chris, I met her at church. We've been good friends since.

I loved church. I loved listening to the sermons & learning all that I could at 13.
But the fact that I felt so lonely all the time - lead me to talk to complete strangers as soon as I had a messanger account. (msn) These guys told me I was pretty - they told me I was funny - they told me anything I wanted to hear, if I just sent them pictures of myself. I never did. I was a tease. But their compliments were like a drug - If I started to feel lonely or depressed, I'd sign in and start conversating with these 20 something perverts. At the time I thought I knew it all.

It got so bad at one point one man threatened to find me and hurt me. Wasn't too long after that, that I found my very own stalker.

I felt so stupid - that I had to go that far just to be told I was pretty. When I was 11/12, My sister always told me I'd never look like her - and she was obsessed about her looks. She pretty much stripped away any self confidence I had with what she'd say. She was so manipulative.
*To this day I still have problems with my self esteem.

Despite her being, some might say, an awful sister ...we've always been close.
I was 13 when I started going through some major depression. I started cutting. My parents threatened me with the Bible. Like they almost always did.


Neither of my sisters believed in God - they didn't go to church. My oldest sister, once she moved out - became anti-religion all together. She believes in nothing.
My other sister, Jen (22) - is more fascinated with Lucifer but won't have much more to do with the subject on Christianity.

We switched Churches, and I met alot more people I could talk to. But all they seemed to want to do was judge. I inherited a false reputation and people started talking. I liked church, but not the people in it. My parents still forced me to go.

I was doing terrible in homeschooling - and the only thing I looked forward to was my job. I hardly ever talked to anyone - until I was 16. I met this guy - he was foreign & gorgeous and I fell hard. It was my first real relationship - and when we broke up I was heart broken. My mother was pregnant for the LAST time - with Ruthie! The Baby of the family.

I finally lost it and took all my frustration out on my 17th bday - when I started drinking. I only drank to get drunk, I felt so much better (until the next morning)
My parents and I were fighting constantly, and I felt like things couldn't get any worse. I hated my life. I had a different bf every month it seemed. Although, I was still a virgin. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out. I moved in with my Aunt Kim (hardcore rocker chick) to the city. Toronto, Ont.

Got a job, payed half rent and loved being independant. Only thing is - I had a bf back home. We were so close, but the distance was driving us insane. He came to visit me on weekends and vice versa. But it was getting worse between us...

I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I stopped talking to my mom for 3 months, and my sister, Jen and I were in a fight so we weren't talking. Kim told me to suck it up and just dump him cuz all men are the same. She was my biggest influence, and not a good one.

My bf and I hardly talked to eachother, and when we did, we only faught. Right when we considered breaking up - at 17 - I found out I was 2 months pregnant!



Long story - short: I moved back from the City, we got a house and moved in together. I had my daughter April 2009. We're more in love than we've ever been,getting married soon, and he's honestly my favorite person in the world. Chris and I stopped being friends when she found out I was pregnant. I'm closer with my mom & step dad than I've ever been - I don't talk to Jen because she's been on something that makes her paranoid about every little thing.

I've been trying to get my life together - going back to church, getting my g.e.d, going to college for advertising.

But I have so many emotional problems, I'm very insecure* I'm lonely* I don't want to be too comfortable in my life now because it might all slip away. Luckily I have a boyfriend who puts up with all my chaos. He's very patient and understanding. But he thinks I need therapy ...for my own sanity lol What do yall think? I do need some advice from outside of all this crazyness ....