Champix - saint or sinner?

I was a proper smoker, if i could have devised a way to smoke in my sleep I'd have done it however it bothered me that as an intelligent and strong woman i had a drug addiction and legal or otherwise i couldn't kick it.

I didn't want to substitute (with nicotine replacement) because it wasn't dealing with my addiction so i went for the drug available through the NHS (National Health Service).

I can absolutely say that whilst it wasn't 'easy' it mas easily manageable. now, over two years later I am still a non smoker and i am not at all interested in smoking.

It's easy for me to say as a non smoker DO NOT USE THIS DRUG but if i had my time again i would rather be a stinky smoker. In the six months i was asked to take the drug (ignoring the mild side effects like nausea and dreams etc) it made me sad (a dark place - but not suicidal) i was put on anti depressants and a reduced dose to help me finish the 6 months (as i really wanted to stop smoking and they said i should finish the 6 months to ensure that i remain a non smoker)

I read that these side effects existed in the few but i don't think it is the few and i certainly didnt think it would still be an issue 2 years after i stopped taking the drug.

i wish, i wish, i wish, i hadn't taken this drug, i am delighted to be a non smoker and i have no idea how i would have achieved this without the drug but i have changed from an averagely happy, averagely average person, to someone sad and short tempered - irrational anger that makes me want to lash out at those closest and picking fights with my shadow (metaphorically speaking), whilst being bored senseless stuck in this dull existence... it's absolutely bizarre.

I have a great job the most fantastic family and no financial worries... it just blows my mind that i have a personality shift that i struggle to relate to and identify with compared to how i was pre-champix. (and that's not because I'm wearing rose tinted specks or reminiscing about the grass being greener)

i can see why there is high suicide rate i don't think in all cases it's a want to kill yourself more an indifference to living.

Champix works, and there is no denying it. but i think the reported side effects are understated, they refer only to taking the drug not the long term effects... i guess it's about how risk adverse you are... is being a stinking smoker worse than losing your mind? not for me i wish i had never used this drug i hope to god its not forever.