Hey I'm Alex im 40 years old and i need your help to find out why i am deppressed. I have put togetehr some key events in my life which my be linked to the cause:
My life didn't kick off at the greatest of starts at the age of 4 my mother died leaving me in the care of my dad, sadly my dad couldn't cope and walked out leaving me in the care of my uncle.
Me my uncle and my uncle's friend lived in a house till i was 10 years old and my uncle passed away because of cancer i then lived with my uncles friend in america.
When I was 17 i got incredibly drunk with this girl and got her pregnant, and i became a dad. a year later when i was 18 we had another girl, again due to drink. since then i have given up drinking in large amounts.
My girlfriend left me when i was 20 leaving me with the girls, chloe, who is 3 was old aough to kind of get the idea of what was happening but cheryl who was 2 didn't have a clue.
at the age of 21 i mvoed back to england with the kids and lvied in a flat for 2 years before meeting my next partner.
All 4 of us (Me my Girlfriend Chloe and Cheryl) we were happy and the girls mum soon moved to england so she could visit her kids.
We got married and at the age of 25 we had twins, Holly being the oldest, Abbie being the youngest. i thought we would all live h ?appily but it was too good too be true. My wife began to abuse Abbie, to this day i do not know why she only absued Abbie, she lvoed Holly but it was as if Abbie had did something rong. The abuse was verbly and phsyicly it pains me to even think about it but after about 3 months of it, it got too much, and i took Abbie, Chloe and Cheryl and moved back into my old flat, I was devistated that i had to leave Holly but my wife wouldn't give her up. i divorced her and went to court to try and plead to have Holly lvie with me but i just didn't have the money to go back after loosing the case twice. My ex then put a restraining order on me to keep me away from Holly, and she left to America and told Holly i was dead. I still wonder how it hapend, i was foolish.
a few years later i moved to a bigger house and joined the army, i made it up through the ranks till i made it up to general and got to take lead of my own squad. When i was 35 i was called to american to take party in some training activity. it was only when i was tehre i got a phone call from cheryl (the smarter one ) tell me my restraining order had ended, so the first thing i did was went to see Holly. She was devestaded with me and her mum and couldn't understand what was happening. Anway she became clinicly Depressed and came to live with me.
The one thing all my kids have had trouble adjusting to is how much i love Abbie, i don't meen to but it apears to them i lvoe her more, i spend mroe time with her and more protectvie over here, i think it could be because what happend when she was a baby. Anyway I went with my squad to fight in Iraq, all my kids were very devisted by the sudden leave and were scared for me everyday. It came as a shock to me when the people i had trained with and grew up with for 4 years (my squad) were all killed in a roadside bombing, i was the only one who servived. those men were like brother to me. Now i lvie in a nice house, with a nice car, ncie jobtraining newbies how to hold a gun living with my fabulouse kids.
i have noticed and so have teh girls that i have become very low and deppressed, and i just i'm having a bad day, ive finaly come to terms with the fact i may have some sort of deppresion. Now im no doctor so can you please offer some advice and try to "decode" anything from my past
most of all thanks for reading this.
I AM HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU ASK!
Well, You have been through A LOT. I'd say it has all got too much for you and that's why you're suddenly realising that you're depressed. Have you ever spoken to a psychologist about everything you've gone through because let me tell you. You really should consider it! You've just had knock after knock after knock.
In all seroiusness though talking to a psychologist would be worthwhile. They put things into perspective for you. They make you understand WHAT you've actually gone through. I really hope you decide to go and talk with one.
You should consider your self a survivor, a hero, you have been through a lot, and its not your fault anyways you survived! I admire everything you've been through and the way you have deal with it!
Maybe you and your girl should visit a therapist this way you could search deep inside with a professional and open your selves in a better way, maybe you need to change your life, by this i mean move to another country, this could really help you and your girls, always keep telling them how important they are to you is good for the girls to know you will always be their hero and best friend.
I kinda got closure after talking to one but i guess it's a personal choice.
You're kids have a fantastic father by the sounds of it so i think they are very lucky for that. I didn't live my mum for 19yrs. She lived overseas but i had a fantastic father too and I knew how much he loved me. Now i have a fantastic relationship with my mum too. Are the kids in contact with their mother?
It's only normal to worry about your kids and want to protect them from any pain. Unfortunately you can't change the situation for what it is. Just love them and be there for them as you are.
Have you ever considered taking anti depressents for the depression?
Thanks evryone you have made me feel really happy about myself and my kids but how to i get anti depressents and i couldn't move to another country because my kids have friends over here and so do I. cheryl and chloe are in very close contact with there mother but Abbie doesn't want to see hers and Holly hasn't got much choice because there mum lives in America
Just got a personal message from a "WarrenB" he was telling me he tried everything but nothing help his deppresion until he paid thousands of dollars for a treatment which get out negetive energy (blah blah blh negetive energy) he then told me to buy a treatment called "The Sedona Method" i do not want to buy this but does anyone know what it is?
Please Please Please go to your doctor..... a lot of people think that taking anti depressants is a cop-out..... they are wrong!
I have suffered with depression for most of my life with no singlular cause for it....blimey I have had a great life in comparison....All anit depressants will do is increase your ability to cope.
Everyone get emotionally "full"....it is your ability to cope that over time becomes depleated.
go to the doctors and get some help! once i got the right tablets things started getting better...now whilst i will be on them probably for the rest of my life...many people take them just for a few months to help them get past whatever is happening in their lives and to "re-charge" thier batteries.
There is no shame in taking them or admitting you need help.
Keep smiling and don't let the b*****ds get you down.
Depression involves all areas of your life: your life situation; your thoughts, emotions and physical state; and your actions. It may affect social support, family relationships, employment, and finances. It occurs because of the disturbance in the brain nerve cells due to which they are not in a condition of communicating with each other. These nerve cells are known as neurotransmitters.
Alex, I came from a family of 4 girls. My mother abused me my whole life. My father never did anything to stop it. A psychologist diagnosed me as being the scapegoat when my family went to counseling(when I was 25 and on my own). Do you think Abbie is a scapegoat? I don't blame u for favoring her-I would too. wouldn't blame anyone for what has already happened. It sounds like ur supporting ur family as well s u can. U r also trying to take care of your own emotional needs. Keep up the good work. I'm sure u will find out what makes u feel better an will be able to address all the individual needs of your children.
I'm still struggling with the abuse I received during all of my childhood. The best thing I've done is politely removed myself from being with my parents. The times I've tried to be with them they've treate me like the scapegoat, again. My other sisters have kept me in the scapegoat role, too so I just keep a friendly separation from anyone who tries to get me to play the scapegoat mode. I hope this dosen't happen to Abbie. Good times.
If its the one thing I know about its DEPRESSION.......its not your fault, its a chemical imbalance in the brain. And I whole heartedly agree with Moogue. I was diagnosed as depressed when I was 15 years old. I've been through therapy and on various antidepressants, and finally, finally found what worked for me. You come across as being a wonderful person, father and someone I'd be very proud to call my friend. You have taken on the rold of both father and Mother and you had to grow up ery quickly starting a family at such a young age. Now, you are at a point in your life, you worry your girls could also become depressed...yes they can. Depression IS a hereditary factor. I agree, if you are going to consider going to a psychologist, you might ask if you could include the girls in the therapy program. Its obvious to why you show favoritism to Abbie, because you did loose out on her first few years......but by the same token, you DO NOT want the other children to know this or feel this........I'm 51, and during my parents divorce when I was 6, my baby brother was the "pet".....he could never do any wrong. And, it was myself and my younger brohter who took the blame for evrything else. We did not have ill feelings our baby brother, but we did resent our parents for this. Your daughters are getting on in age when they will realize what you have been through and know it was all for them.........Life is what you make of it......you also need to remember everything you do YOU have a choice.....to allow yourself to be HAPPY, or to wallow in self pity and feel sad........I say take control of your life and choose to be happy for yourself and these wonderful little girls you have fathered! Hugs to you! FGM