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Cannot Ejactulate or Hold Erection

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Hi all,


I'm 19 and just recently lost my virginity (I've had enough opportunities being in college but haven't felt comfortable until recently). I can't seem to cum in front of or around a girl. I can masturbate and orgasm in a couple minutes if I want to (with some turn-on material), but with a girl it seems impossible. I also Loose my erection 10-15minutes into sex and I can't get it back, Oral sex can give me an erection easly, but when I try to have sex it disapears 10min later, it's very frustrating.

Oral sex, hand jobs, and sex all feel good but nothing excitingly good. I'm wondering if I'm too used to masturbating and pleasing myself that it's making it hard for me to enjoy it when someone else pleasures me? I know I can cum quick, and my first sexual encounter I was afraid I'd be a two pump wonder, but it was just the opposite- got hard and stayed hard, but just couldn't come and it became depressing and made me focus on 'i have to cum'.

Needless to say, I'm a bit hesitant to engage in sexual activities. I'll start taking some advice here and forget about it; if anything try enjoying it more and stop thinking about what ISNT happening and just let it happen. If anything else, I just want to be able to keep it up long enough for the girl to atleast get off during sex Wink and worry about myself later.

::sigh:: part of me makes me think I waited too long and I've de-sensitized myself to sex with anyone but my hands

Any help would be Greatly appriciated .. I have a new girlfriend that I trust and I still have the same problem with her, she thinks its her fault and she's totally cool with it. She's kind of new to everything and wants to help me fix it. I really want to fix this so she dosen't feel like it's her falt.

Thanks
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Users who thank mikeu5717boy for this post: blckout200 

replied January 9th, 2009
Hey the same thing happens to me. Honestly, I think it is all mental. If you think about loosing your erection while with a girl you are going to loose your erection. Just be natural about it. Also, try not masturbating for awhile if you think that is the problem.
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replied January 9th, 2009
Experienced User
mikeu5717boy,
I don't think the solution is to stop masturbating. You say that you cannot cum when doing it in front of a girl, as in even if you play with yourself and get erect you can't cum or that you can't even get erect? From you note you seem to have tried to have a girl give you a handjob or suck on your penis, but these don't get you off?
I think that you may have some issues that you are thinking about that are holding you back. Perhaps you are concerned that you won't be able to perform for the girl or get her off and in general not live up to her supposed expectations. What I would suggest is that you work on visualizing being with a naked girl and masturbating (but do not use any additional porn). The idean being if you can get to a mental and physical state where you feel comfortable jacking off in front of a female in your mind, you could eventually do this for real.

I'm more than willing to discuss this in detail with you, either here or through private message.

Wendy Wink
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replied January 10th, 2009
Think its just a mental thing, just try to chill out, enjoy yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself (difficult I know).
You just need to learn to let go and be comfortable with it all.
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replied January 10th, 2009
Experienced User
ANXIETY is what's happening with you. it's all mental. How to get rid of it? well, all you need, is to feel comfortable around your girlfriend. She gotta help you a little bit as well, if she is not going to understand your "dilemma" it's going to take you a while. The only solutions is time.

Other than that you are perfectly fine
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replied January 11th, 2009
Good advice from many
My advice may be a little more aggressive, it comes in the form of a little blue pill "Viagra" not just for old men, i like to say it is like going to Disney land good for all ages. at your age your girl will throw you off her as you will be overwhelming on her, for me sex is only good when i please my mate, otherwise it means nothing to me! I may BE DIFFERENT THEN MOST, but making my girl feel good is everything to me and excites me more then anything! the blue pill is just to show you can do it, not come depended on it.

My advice whether good or bad it works! there is nothing better then making love to your women and making her bend at the knees or her eyes rolling back in her head. you will have a mate for life! My wife and i have been together for many years and growing older, but i am more physical then most at your age, as my wife as well, but it is our love making that keeps us bonded so very close, a day never passes that i do not tell my wife i love her! and when we are apart "like now" it is really intense when we get to see each other, and i am almost 50 my man.

you will learn.


Peace

BTW I must add, when the blue pill hit the market in 1999 I was a top American Powerlifter am Bodybuilder "national level NPC" the blue pill was fun! and did not need it!
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replied January 12th, 2009
Cannot Ejactulate or Hold Erection
mikeu5717boy,

Are you drinking or getting drunk before having sex? Heavy drinking/getting drunk very often inhibits sexual activities - i.e. able to maintain erection but cant ejaculate/climax. If this is the case I would suggest you not partake in heavy drinking/getting drunk prior to having sex.

Also, sometimes medications play a role in sexual performance. This coupled with alcohol may affect your sexual performance negatively. You may want to talk to your doctor about this.

Also, sometimes condoms play a role. Some are thicker than others thus having you feel little sensation. You might want to change brands etc.

You might also consider abstaining from masterbating for about a week and lightening your hold during masterbating. I read a article where it was mentioned that sometimes a guy holds too tight during masterbating and then has issues in obtaining climax during intercourse.

If all else fails you may want to consult an urologist.

Also you should discuss this with your significant other seeing as you mentioned that she feels it's her fault. There's nothing to be embarrassed about - talking about sexual issues is part of a healthy relationship.
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replied January 13th, 2009
Not at his age.
At his age Masturbation, most drugs an alcohol will not have and effect. Sure drugs like V,s and and zanax maybe! I personally think it is in the mind. just relax and have confidants in yourself! it may be your preference in women. I love a physically fit women, nothing more sexy to me! I can not get and erection with overweight women as hard as i try or what ever i take! Now my wife, i still see her as the day i met her in my mind. sure she is very petite 5 foot 105lbs when we met," me 5'10 235 far from fat"

now she is 125lbs but looks better then ever to me. I feel this plays a big role in sexual relations, you must be matched and have the chemistry or it just will not work. at any age. I have had women that would hold back from sex as i was a Gym rat and am very built, and they felt i judged them "this was not the case" but a fact they felt, I have had girls tell me you live with the perfect people, and all i said is i want the good! I just can not function with very heavy women "not being an as*" just how i feel. so your problem may lay elsewhere? Personally I'm not picky, just not into very heavy.


Peace
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replied January 13th, 2009
Total mental block. Happens to every guy atleast once in their life. Just RELAX RELAX RELAX. Turn the lights off and fantasize that you are with the people you masterbate to. Try changing positions every 10 mins cause having sex in the same position for long periods of time desensitizes the penis.

If all else fails, get her to give you a blow every 10 mins. Make sure she UNDERSTANDS that she isn't the problem. Her putting more pressure on you is just making it worse.
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