Newborn Babies Forum - can you spoil a newborn?

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Q: can you spoil a newborn?

asked by: Rosie H on September 24th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

What do you guys think...Can you spoil a newborn or infant? At what age do you think a baby can and will be spoiled?

My hubby and I are set on not getting our baby attached too much to wear he is bratty..what I mean by that is being too clingy and crying too much.

I can tell that lil Adam is now learning to fuss to be held. He did it last night. I fed him and changed him and layed with him for 3 hours last night. Everytime I put him to bed he would wake up and cry, but I knew that he was ok.

Finally I turned the light off and left the room. He wimpered for 3-5 mins...not really crying and then went to sleep for 3-4 hrs. Was this ok? Is this how I need to prevent him from being spoiled?

I do not want to be like my cousin. Her baby is 9 months. She doesnt sit up on her own that much or crawl yet because she is always in her mothers arms unless shes sleeping. I never see my cousin without her. Its like they are attached at the hip...I do not want that.

So whats been your experience?

Replies(19)

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 24th, 2008

Supporter

You did GOOD! I agree if you pick up that baby everytime he crys, he will learn this is all it takes. Its been 25 years since my little girl was a baby. I held her during feedings and at other times, but I also did as you are doing, lay her down in her crib, let her whimper or cry a few minutes, she'd eventually fall asleep. As long as Adam is not needing changed, he is not hot/cool,he's not ill, has been fed and is comfortable I think you are doing just fine. As for spoiling a child, I feel in my opinion, once they are toddlers, then you can notice the SPOILEDNESS.....but thats just what I think! Enjoy him, he will only be little for a short time!

Rosie H

replied on September 24th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

thanks! i posted on another forum and got some scary feedback...made me feel real bad. but i think as long as they dont cry for over a few minutes then they are ok. i would never ignore a persistant cry cause thats him telling me he needs something.

but until hes older i wont worry too much about it....i just would like him to have good habits

mominashoe

replied on September 24th, 2008

Moderator

I don't think you can spoil a newborn, but I think you can let them get into a place where they don't want to be. I think spoiled is the wrong word for interrupting the baby's natural growth.

It's just best to know what they are trying to tell you, to interpret what they need at the time. I don't think it's spoiling to get the baby to bed when you think he is tired. If he was crying and screaming for over 10 minutes (time depending on age) then yes, maybe that would be neglectful.

There's a time for everything and you and your baby know what you can handle as a team. If you know he's ok, then there's nothing wrong with giving him a little more independence when the time is right Smile

Users who thank mominashoe for this post: Fairy Godmother

Lilly Ivy

replied on September 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I agree, mominashoe.

I think it's impossible to spoil a newborn. Angelique slept on my chest for about a week, but then she got used to the bassinet very quickly (I personally don't understand how you can expect a baby who's been inside you for the past 9 months to go straight from you to a cold bed and expect them to like it).

Now an infant on the other hand, oh yes. Angelique is almost 6mo, and she is almost attached to my hip. I go to my inlaws everyday, and there is no place to put her (unless she is sleeping), so holding her all the time has become routine. Now at night (before she's tired) she fusses a lot and usually only stops once I pick her up.

Like mominashoe said, if he cries for more than 10 minutes, I would doubt he's tired. But after 5 minutes and falling asleep, you did the best thing for him!

Users who thank Lilly Ivy for this post: Rosie H

Rosie H

replied on September 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

thanks Lilly Ivy...have you seen those slings? Maybe check out baby wearing on the internet...it may work for you.

I made a moby wrap at home and it works great. Adam loves it and most of the time goes right to sleep. He feels nice and warm and safe and hes right next to me.

Maybe you could have one 4 your daughter. Just put her in a wrap or sling all day..then at least you can have your hands free and shes happy too. Im telling you it works wonders at the grocery or on the city bus. Even washing dishes or folding clothes.

Lilly Ivy

replied on September 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I found one a month before I got pregnant, but sadly I wasn't expecting to get pregnant so soon, so I didn't buy it Crying or Very sad

It definitely depends on her mood though. Like right now she's laying on the floor and I've yet to see her feet stop moving, lol! But when she is crying and upset I'm sure it'll help. I'm gonna have to look for one now, the dishes is definitely what I need it for!

Marianne0558

replied on September 25th, 2008

Supporter

I don't think you can spoil a newborn either.
Although they will learn very quickly that crying=mommy if you pick him up every time he cries.
No one ever died from crying.

With my girl, I would let her cry for a few minutes before I went to get her.
Once she actually started to produce tears, I would wait for tears.

At 2, she IS spoiled anyway. Leave it to Grandma!

Users who thank Marianne0558 for this post: Fairy Godmother

Rosie H

replied on September 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

the wrap is very easy to make at home. i used a cotten bed sheet. i cut the sheet to make two strips of 6 ft by 24 inches. i then sewed the two peices together to make a big long peice of 12ft by 2 ft. i also hemmed up the ends and sides. at the ends i cut off the last 2 ft into a triangle so when i tied the ends they were thinner.

this works real well for me and even my hubby whos 6 ft 2. But i must say that my wrap is shorter than whats recommended. Its recommended you use 15 ft. you can look on Utube for videos on how to use the wrap.

people even wrap their 4 yr olds with them...they are amazing! When I have some cash Im going to buy some stretchy cotton fabric. I think the stretchyness would be easier to work with.

Rosie H

replied on September 25th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

heres some pics of Daniel wearing the baby. They are a little hard to see but I dont have any more. If you are really interested I can post my wrap without the baby. In the last one Daniels hand is on his bottom. The baby is in there like he would be in a sling. Once hes older we can put him on our backs or facing front

mominashoe

replied on September 25th, 2008

Moderator

Marianne0558 wrote:

At 2, she IS spoiled anyway. Leave it to Grandma!

LOL That's too funny Smile

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 25th, 2008

Supporter

What a great Daddy! These pictures made me smile....thanks for sharing.....wish I'd had a sling or even thought about one 25 years ago!

Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: Rosie H

Lilly Ivy

replied on October 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

AHA! I love YouTube!!

This is what I have been looking for...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjY2Jqzw-_8 &feature=related

Looks to be around 15ft (like you said Rosie), so I will certainly be going to walmart soon!

Rosie H

replied on October 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

this video is awesome. But we tie ours the opposite way. So whats on her back is on my front. This allows that piece that goes across her back to be pulled over the baby. It covers the legs and supports the back more.

but I looked at other wraps on the site and found so many others ways of tying. Its really cool how many there are.

Im actually looking for a stretchy cotton material. Hopefully I can find on soon, I went to wal-mart but all they had was velvet stretchy material. And here in Phoenix, AZ thats too hot..lol.

I would definately go with at least 15 ft. I am going to have to make a new one soon cause Lil Adam is growing so fast !

Lilly Ivy

replied on October 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Hmm... Maybe I just couple flannel with warmth, but I can see how velvet is hotter! Send some of that material my way, it's getting cold here in West Virginia!

I cut up a loose sheet (we never use them, lol) and did my best to put them together. It's about 15ft long and about 2ft wide. I'm gonna try it out tomorrow when i walk to the dollar store. It's about a 10 minute walk, so at least if it fails I can just carry her.

I tried the opposite way (there's an extra wrap around) and there is NOT enough fabric to wrap around me. This way there's JUST enough to tie a knot in the front.

I did see some of the videos of pre-schoolers being wrapped up. I really wanna get a Mei Tai for the back. It seems a lot less strain on the body, but I've been wrong before, lol!

Rosie H

replied on October 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Its just getting cooler now. Nights are in the 70's and during the day its 90's so still hot.

Your walk will go just fine, trust me. I use the wrap to go everywhere. The only time I dont use the wrap is when we are in a car. SInce we dont have a car, the wrap is used alot. I use it to go grocery shopping. I kept in the wrap all day when I went to the SSI office. He only came out to get changed and fed. And the best thing is he stay asleep the entire time.

its so comforting to him that he passes out each time. I swear I feel its easy for me to take hime places because of the wrap I dont have to lug around a big bulky heavy car seat plus my bag. ANd I have both hands free !!! Its the easiest way to carry my baby.

Lilly Ivy

replied on October 17th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Yea, rub it in... It's been in the 40s at night here and we're lucky if it breaks 65 during the day...

I hope my walk goes okay, I'm leaving right now, I'll be walking over a mile, so hopefully I don't pass out from exhaustion, lol. I'm just hoping she likes it, because if not its going to be a fun trip!!

Lilly Ivy

replied on October 18th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I LOVE IT! Definitely gives me a workout, but she LOVES it! I started putting it on last time and she started cooing like she wants in it NOW, lol! I got laughed at by my FIL when I walked in the door yesterday wearing her. IDC, I love it and she loves it, hopefully I can carry her until she's 10 Wink

worriedauzzi

replied on October 18th, 2008

Experienced User

Spoiling an infant ... My baby doesn't hardly cry .. she winges if she is hungry or if she is getting annoyed. Does this mean I spoil her? At night time I feed her then I rock her for about 5mins whilst I watch tv then she falls asleep and I put her in her cot and then she wakes up at 5-6am and sleeps in my bed for an hour or two then she gets fed. All day I guess I hold her or stand her up she is 3 months old but she doesn't cry when I put her down .. Someone said holding their child all day would spoil them. No I think that as a newborn they cannot be spoiled however thy can grow into bad patterns, like learning to cry when not being held gets them held. I'm not sure of how much sence I am making I am very tired haha, but thats what I would of done let them cry it out for a couple of minutes but no longer then 10 as they would feel neglected. Luckily my baby took right to her own bed, I like my bed space .. among other things.

Rosie H

replied on October 21st, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Lilly Ivy wrote:

that is so awesome! Im so glad to hear that you both enjoyed it. Its such a blessing. It not only makes out life easier but I think it makes baby happier. Because he/she is being held close to their mommy.

it truly is a great tool for us. And we too have gotten many stares and questions while out and about. Most people are just curious. Some are too afraid to ask questions but other are amazed. I get a lot of attention and questuions from me though. They all think Im pregnant and have the oddest shaped belly. Its funny!

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