can you catch my mind before i lose it?

Ok so I'm a 22 year old male. As a kid I went through a lot and was put on meds for adhd. In and out of foster car I joined the army when I was 17 to be chaptered out for drug abuse and since the army I've been in and out jail. I'm finaly off probation I I have been workin the last year...but I am an addict.not just drugs or alcohol I do anything to alter my mind and I can stop using anything I just don't want to cause I when I'm sober I think bad thought like killin myself hurting other people. I want to go to jail because I know I won't be able to get out of it and I will know what my plan is everyday. I have. Been able to stay out of jail for the last year but I can't get help on the streets I don't know who to talk to. I know I am a piece of crap. I cry every other night. I hate being alone I have no family and I'm tired of beating myself up... I can't control my mind it has no breaks...always full speed in a hundred directions...so what do I do? Kill myself or go to jail so the innocent world is not effected by me or is there someway I can get help? I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow where ill be in a month... I don't know what to do....