can't talk to parents about being gay Posted: 05-19-08 18:04pm
I'm 16 years old. I have never felt really
close to my parents and I barely talk to
them anymore. They know nothing about my
life because I won't tell them anything.
I'm gay, and they don't know. I came out
to my friends a few months back and it
made me happier because I felt I could be
myself more, but not around my parents,
i'm constantly acting in my own home. I
went out with a guy, who made me happy. I
scared myself because I totally fell for
him quickly. He made me feel like I was
looked after, like he cared for me and I
was weak and stupid with him. Ofcourse he
went and broke my heart, I didn't
understand why and never stopped thinking
about him. He continued to screw around
with my feelings and I finally went out
with him again, but didn't trust him, he
broke up with me for a second time and I
found out he'd cheated on me. My parents
don't know about any of this. My mum has
noticed that I seemed down, and I had to
lie. She now thinks i'm anorexic because
i've lost weight. I hate my ex for what he
did, and could never trust or take him
back, but still can't stop thinking about
him. But why? I still visit his facebook
even though I deleted him as a friend, and
everytime I do my heart is broken again
after seeing he's still going out with the
other guy. My friends tell me off if I
ever talk about him, none of them know I
still feel this way for him. They all have
their problems, and i've always stood by
them, listened to them, let them talk and
understood them. I fake my smile, pretend
i'm fine so they can tell me their
problems and try to help them. But nobody
asks how I am. Nobody will let me explain
that I don't want to feel this way
anymore. I hate everything about it. I
feel like I can't talk to my parents about
it not just because i'm gay but because
i'm 16. Even I think it sounds stupid for
a 16 year old to claim he's been in love.
Most people would say he's 'confused'.
Maybe I am, but I feel like there is
nobody else, and that i'll never feel that
way about anyone ever again. I'm sick of
it, and I want it to end. I have attempted
to cut my wrists, didn't work, thankfully.
I've lost control and become paraletic. I
just want to stop feeling like this. I
annoy myself that I do, and that I am
rambling on now, so i'll wrap up my little
complaint here!
I am so sorry you are dealing with a
broken heart on your own! I know that at
16 you can fall in love. It is not unusual
to have your hear broken and to lament
over the former boyfriend for awhile. This
is not exclusive to your young age but
that does play into it to a degree.
I don't know what to tell you about coming
out with your parents. That is a difficult
situation. You don't have open
communication with them now. You will do
this when you feel you are able to. Is
there any possibility that you could talk
to your mom? She does seem concerned about
you and she does care, probably more than
you know. If you shut her out then she has
no way of reaching out to you. Think about
finding ways to open up to her.
I wish I could tell you more. You sound
like a normal, heart broken teen. Whether
straight or gay, the emotional aspect of a
break up is the same. You need to give
this time. You will be able to move past
the thoughts of him and dwelling on him in
time. It just takes time. You need to tell
your friends that you need to talk about
this. You feel lonely when they shut you
out and won't listen.
Feel free to post again. There is a forum
for gay relationships. Perhaps that forum
would offer some support to you. I wish
you all the best. Teen years are difficult
so just remember most teens go through
what you are going through. Hugs.
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1031 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 32
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Posted: 05-23-08 17:50pm
Hi, J2108.
I'm Zak. I'm gay too.
You know, sometimes our parents can
surprise us with how they react to what we
tell them. It's hard to gage a response
when it involves you personally and not
someone else. They might seem a bit
homphobic (are your parents homophobic or
somehow against homosexuality? I don't
recall reading it in your post) towards
other people who are gay, but when it
comes to their flesh and blood, they could
have an entirely different outlook.
It could go the other way as well. They
could be ashamed... or disappointed. But
if they truly, truly love you, they will
accept it. Coming out of the closet is a
huge test of unconditional love. You find
out who truly loves you!
As for your feelings for this guy. I
believe that 16 year olds can fall in
love. My brother was 16 when he fell in
love and he's still dating the same girl
over a year later. I don't doubt he loves
his girlfriend wholeheartedly.
Unfortunately having a broken heart is a
stark reality for the vast majority of
people. I've had a broken heart, and many
of your friends will or have had broken
hearts. It's a fact of life. It may seem
like a really really negative thing right
now, especially with the toll it's taking
on you, but I assure you... time heals.
Once you're over this guy, you'll realise
how tough you are. And, believe it or not,
if you happen to go through a broken heart
again, it's much easier to deal with
because you know you can weather it.
So take comfort in knowing that what
you're going through right now is actually
a great preparation for the fantastic
future you have ahead. You'll really
realise your true strength.
Work on telling your family. You don't
have to now, especially with what you're
going through, but give it some serious
thought. No matter what the outcome may
be, it will be very liberating for you!
Feel free to private message me if you
feel like chatting about anything else!
I am so sorry you are
dealing with a broken heart on your own! I
know that at 16 you can fall in love. It
is not unusual to have your hear broken
and to lament over the former boyfriend
for awhile. This is not exclusive to your
young age but that does play into it to a
degree.
I don't know what to tell you about coming
out with your parents. That is a difficult
situation. You don't have open
communication with them now. You will do
this when you feel you are able to. Is
there any possibility that you could talk
to your mom? She does seem concerned about
you and she does care, probably more than
you know. If you shut her out then she has
no way of reaching out to you. Think about
finding ways to open up to her.
I wish I could tell you more. You sound
like a normal, heart broken teen. Whether
straight or gay, the emotional aspect of a
break up is the same. You need to give
this time. You will be able to move past
the thoughts of him and dwelling on him in
time. It just takes time. You need to tell
your friends that you need to talk about
this. You feel lonely when they shut you
out and won't listen.
Feel free to post again. There is a forum
for gay relationships. Perhaps that forum
would offer some support to you. I wish
you all the best. Teen years are difficult
so just remember most teens go through
what you are going through.
Hugs.
this is the GLBT
Relationship forum....and kid, your
OK...don't worry. Your parents will find
out one day and they will either freak out
and get over it or they will not freak out
and be OK with it or they will not handle
it well and that is gonna be there
problem. You be you. Be true to yourself.
Gay is good! It aint nothin' to be ashamed
of so hold your head up! You R not
alone...gay people are everywhere...and I
mean everywhere...1 out of 10 people are
gay so find your tribe and feel the
love...its great when you get to the point
where you can really be free to be you.
Good Luck and keep in touch...
Peace,Love and Pride,
Homer
Your parents would feel better hearing it
from you than someone else. If your
friends know, there is a good chance your
parent will hear it from someone else. My
brother was gay, we knew, he just never
told us until he tested positive for HIV
in 1986. He then told us in 1991. I know
how hard it is. We had time (years) to
realize the signs that he was gay, none of
us pryed or openly talked about it until
he was ready to tell us in 1991. Every
family is different, some accept it/some
do not. It is very hard to give advice
not knowing your family and how they will
react, but again, if other people know,
your family should hear it from you. Good
Luck!
As GBLTs, we face much criticism from a
world that is based on preconceptions,
restrictions, and cruelty. I'm a
transgender, and, trust me, I know what
it's like to hide yourself, your true
identity from your parents. It's like
lying every minute of every second of
every day, but you must be strong. It was
very hard for me to come out to my
parents, and today, I was told that I
would not receive any financial backing
from a father who believes that I am
destroying myself. I was yelled at by an
uncle who said that I am doing the most
disrespectful thing he has ever seen.
However, once I came out to my friends and
family, I found great support; more people
loved me for me than not. It may be hard,
but you have to come out one day. If a
parent says that he or she loves you for
you, that your special and unique, he or
she should stay true to that through thick
and thin.
Good luck...^^
|
Users who thank Taylore Marie for this post:
homerxmarvel
homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 2583 Location: , USA
Thanks: 213
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Posted: 05-27-08 10:32am
forsakenhope
wrote:
As GBLTs, we face much
criticism from a world that is based on
preconceptions, restrictions, and cruelty.
I'm a transgender, and, trust me, I know
what it's like to hide yourself, your true
identity from your parents. It's like
lying every minute of every second of
every day, but you must be strong. It was
very hard for me to come out to my
parents, and today, I was told that I
would not receive any financial backing
from a father who believes that I am
destroying myself. I was yelled at by an
uncle who said that I am doing the most
disrespectful thing he has ever seen.
However, once I came out to my friends and
family, I found great support; more people
loved me for me than not. It may be hard,
but you have to come out one day. If a
parent says that he or she loves you for
you, that your special and unique, he or
she should stay true to that through thick
and thin.
Good luck...^^
AMEN! You rock! Maybe if
you get out of ..where R U ??? Kansas? Is
there any way you can move to a large
city..I find cities to be so much more
tolerant of GLBT folk..I live in a small
town now but would give my left arm to be
back in San Fransisco I
miss it a lot..i am sorry your father and
uncle are being hateful to you...R they
brothers? That would figure, intolerance
often runs in families and intolerance for
trans people is rampant in most all
families...its sad..so stay
strong,forsakenhope...your a great person
and your family should feel lucky to have
you as a part of them, I would.
|
Taylore Marie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 24 Location: , KS
Thanks: 9
Thanked:3
Posted: 05-27-08 22:40pm
^^
Thanks so much for the compliment. I
hardly get those anymore lol. San
Francisco sounds nice, better than here I
suppose. 9=
Once again, thanks homerx
--Taylore
|
Users who thank Taylore Marie for this post:
homerxhomerx
eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 309
Thanks: 21
Thanked:0
online
Posted: 05-28-08 01:37am
At your age, it is hard to move to a
larger city. I know you would miss your
family, but it would be a relief to know
you are with people you can relate to. If
your parent's make you leave, and you live
in Texas, Austin is a nice place to
settle. Try and make peace with your
family first - give it some time before
making any decisions. Remember, you are
only 16 and your parents will be
overwhelmened at first.
I was 16 when mine found out...they didn't
like it at all. And I always had a feeling
that they knew but they didn't.
|
Unifier
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2008 Posts: 51 Location: London, UK
Thanks: 7
Thanked:9
Posted: 05-28-08 11:53am
omg - poor you.. there is a lot of support
out there for ya mate. so don't fret and
certainly don't resort to cutting your
wrists. your friends kno your gay so
confide in one of them alternatively get a
'human hag' and get out there man!!!
020 8399 6676 (is the number for
samaritans helpline - i've called them
b4)
don't stress. your parents will find out
when you are ready to tell em. you need
parental support so maybe tell em. a
parents love is UNCONDITIONAL so they will
accept it whatever. they will ultimately
want you to be happy within yourself. they
are missing years of your life where they
can be close to you (you are missing this
too)
PM anyone who has posted on this forum and
they will help you. do not feel suicide is
the option. you are important. part of the
divine spark and as individual and
beautiful as god intended. feel the love
of this forum
not *human* hag... the forum
blocked the actual word - you know the
score ;] its a girl shes your friend thats
it tc x
yeah, I tried to write f*g once and it did
the same to me...the word don't bother me
but whatever...
|
JYoungBear
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2007 Posts: 145 Location: , MA
Thanks: 32
Thanked:14
Posted: 05-30-08 09:05am
I hear you on the parents thing - I'm 30,
have my own apartment an hour and a half
away from them, and they don't really know
that I'm gay, just yet... I'm sure they
have their suspicions, since I haven't
really had any girlfriends before.
I am still trying to build up my own
strength to come out to those around me.
However, I can tell it is going to be
hard. Plus, with everything currently
going on around me, I don't have the
emotional stamina to do so.
And with the broken heart, I was there - I
dated a guy for a few weeks when I first
moved into my apartment, and we dated 4
times. In the end, I called him to see if
he wanted to hang out one Saturday night,
left him a voicemail to call me and let me
know whats going on... and he never called
back. We saw each other recently, as I
was driving by him while he was working
(works at the college down the street from
me), and to see him looking at me nearly
made me want to break down. That night
when I realized I got stood up, and things
weren't going to happen, I was crushed. I
still crush after him a bit here and
there, but I'm now dating a guy that is
100x better than the first one.
The point is, you will find someone to
make you happy, and not play games with
you. Sadly enough, it seems that those
who choose to date / find love always get
the short end of the stick when it comes
to guys / girls that play games, cheat,
etc. There are so few of us in this world
that make it known that the games are not
tolerated, and because of that, it's hard
to find love. It comes and goes, just be
wary of when it presents itself to you.
But if you ever want to talk, feel free to
PM me. I usually check in at least once a
day
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Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
You R not
alone...gay people are everywhere...and I
mean everywhere...1 out of 10 people are
gay so find your tribe and feel the
love...its great when you get to the point
where you can really be free to be you.
Good Luck and keep in touch...
I
miss it a lot..i am sorry your father and
uncle are being hateful to you...R they
brothers? That would figure, intolerance
often runs in families and intolerance for
trans people is rampant in most all
families...its sad..so stay
strong,forsakenhope...your a great person
and your family should feel lucky to have
you as a part of them, I would.
