Hi,

I'm 30 years of age and in relatively good health. I play sports two times a week, hardly drink alcohol and have an ok diet. I have however been feeling stressed at work recently and feel a little depressed in general (low mood, not sleeping too well, lack of energy etc).

I've been single for 4 years (really messy break up) and not had sex in this time. I've noticed recently (last two years) that my libido has significantly lessened as well as my ability to get a proper erection. I found myself masturbating to avoid the mess of wet dreams rather than genuinely wishing to do it. I use porn to get myself off. And even with this, my erections were not particularly solid and I ejaculate quickly.

This is really distressing to me as I have recently started dating a wonderful girl, we've been going out now for about a month. Unfortunately I haven't been able to have full sex with her yet due to not being able to maintain a satisfactory erection.

We went out on a couple of dates and then about two weeks in I took her back to mine. We kissed/fondled and then I took her to the bedroom. At this point I thought I would have no problem getting a proper erection and having sex.

When kissing/fondling in the weeks prior I was aroused (even went home with "blue balls" on more than one occasion due to being aroused but not following it through). But even then my erection wasn't strong at all.

I did have a little anxiety about using condoms (as with my past long term g/f we rarely used them - completely monoagamous and she used birth control) due to them really lessening the feeling and I was at least partially aware of my recently problems with erections and libido.

When we were naked in bed I would get an erection for a short time and it would fade really quickly. My penis doesn't have much feeling in it and goes soft really easily.

I didn't tell her I had the condoms as I could quickly tell I wouldn't be able to perform. Instead I used this as an excuse - we need to sort out contraception or no sex. I masturbated her but she didn't orgasm. She was really keen on full sex but I knew I couldn't.

She believed this but this is now two weeks later and the same thing has happened two more times. I've managed to lie convincingly and say that I've just forgot to get condoms but I can't maintain this for much longer.

I really don't want to tell a girl at the start of a relationship that I have erectile problems. I plan to go see my doctor soon, hopefully get some pharmaceutical help. I want to have a sex life and fear I may lose this girl / or make excuses and dump her if I am unable to have sex at all.

I've noticed other posts talking about morning erections. I now rarely get these. As I said previously my libido has dropped off quite significantly in the last couple of years. I don't understand. Isn't this unusual? I know that you can't maintain the hormones/libido of a teen or very young man but I am only 30!

Any advice? Any questions or more information wanted. Just ask.

Cheers,
ML