I am a 28 years old healthy young man. I am 6''2" for 168lbs, I go to the gym 2 to 3 times a week and I have no diabetes or heart problem. While I never had any problem before, I recently started having trouble maintaining an erection during intercourse. The problem occured with all of my last 3 girlfriends (out of the 18 I had in my life). I have no problem at all on my own, during oral sex or foreplay (I can stay hard as long as I want) but I go soft very quickly (less than a minute) after I start intercourse. I am a PhD student preparing my general exams (so definitely stressed) and I don''t know what to do anymore. I have been thinking about it all the time lately and it is really starting to affect my self-esteem. I have been thinking about staying single for a year (until this stressful stage in my life is over) and-or wait for someone I really like to come along to work things smoothly together. Is there anything else I can do? I don''t want to use medication at 28!
Distressed 28 year old man who doesnt want to use medication.
Hi there, thank you for posting your question. My answer is not intended as a substitute to visiting your own doctor but I hope I can be of some little help.
From your description of things, it would appear that you have developed a degree of erectile dysfunction brought on by Performance Anxiety. The commonest cause of erectile dysfunction in young men is performance anxiety and the commonest cause of this is watching yourself trying to get or keep an erection. Just one small failure can bring this situation about. It is not your fault by the way. Do not start to blame yourself or anyone else for that matter. While engaged in intercourse you are naturally wondering and you are naturally worried. Is this thing working, will it last It is only natural that you should be asking yourself these questions.
The problem with these negative and intruding thoughts is that they block the delicate subconscious messages that your brain is trying to send to your penis in response to sexual arousal. Your brain wants to tell your penis to stay hard but it cannot get through. It keeps getting the busy signal. You are busy worrying and your brain cannot get through to your penis.
For the next few weeks forget about intercourse altogether. Just take it right off the agenda. Caress and pay with each otherâs bodies in whatever way you both find pleasurable. Let your erections come and go or not, who cares? For the moment, they are off the menu and of no significance. If you ejaculate or do not ejaculate, that too is OK. Just make sure that your partner is enjoying herself and that her needs are being met. You can always look after yourself afterwards if you are that desperate.
Then, in a few weeks time perhaps, when you have a decent erection from sexually pleasuring yourselves your partner squats over you with one foot on either side, she takes your penis in her hands and puts it into her vagina. She does all the moving while you just lie there and do nothing. No performance, no anxiety, no pressure. By the way, a sense of humour here might also help.
If you would like to receive a free copy of my information packed e-book on this subject then please order one through my website below. I am only offering this gift while the site is under construction.
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