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Can't forgive my girlfriend for her past

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May 27th, 2009
My relationship with my girlfriend was one of infatuation. I say "was" because I broke up with her yesterday. She is a very sweet girl, oddly shy, and very passive. My problem was that she had been with 18 guys, or so she says. I've heard girls usually try to round down by 10 or multiples of 10. I have been with 9 girls. This used to bother me, but that was a long time ago. I dated this girl for a little more than 8 months. I got her pregnant the first week we started dating, which lead to her getting an abortion. I was worked up, as it was the first time I had a girl go through an abortion, not that I had never had to see female friends go through it. Naturally, I asked her if it was her first abortion. She said it was, but she once had a miscarriage. She had gotten pregnant by some guy that took advantage of her when she was drugged out (unconscious), while she was at his house. I got over that. Yesterday, we started talking about how, if we didn't have that abortion, we would be having a kid soon. She asked what I would do if she couldn't have children anymore. I told her since she only had one abortion it most likely wouldn't be too damaging. Then she tells me she's had three. I was pretty disappointed, but I felt like I needed to know more. Turns out, the first time she got an abortion was with my friend, and I have always known they had a past. I never had a problem with them hanging out. It hurts me that she would still hang out with him, despite knowing how much it would hurt me if I knew the whole story. The second abortion was actually the miscarriage she told me about. It was just so much to handle. She told me from the first time I asked about her past there were things she couldn't tell me because I didn't love her enough. I guess eight months later I still didn't love her enough. The truth is, maybe I don't love her, but I am sure I don't want anyone to hurt her again.
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Tara777
replied May 27th, 2009
Well
It's not so black and white. People make mistakes, but it also seems as if this girl is not totally honest with you, and also has a lot of problematic habits (being drugged out, etc.) Are you sure you are infatuated, or just feel really bad for her? She sounds like a femme fatale. It's ok to feel infatuated and in love with someone who is a bit destructive; just don't let it destroy YOU. Breaking up was probably the right thing to do, but tell her you are there for her. Remember that you are young and you will feel this way again, with someone who has more respect for you and herself...but keep her as a friend. Maybe she will grow up a little and become more responsible.
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starship33
replied May 27th, 2009
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here's my story
i was raised in an physical,and mentally abusive household. i remember going to school and being picked on all the time. my mind was messed up, so my happiness was in men. i was young and didnt know how to handle it.

when i met my son's father he made a comment about he didn't like the fact that "all those men was all up in me" knowing he has been with twice the women than i've been with men.

i dont care what anyone says, but from that point on i do not discuss my past. i had post traumatic stress at thoes times and it's hard dealing with someone judging you. i m an over sensitive soul anyways.

i understand how you feel. and i think it was wrong when your chick hung out with the guy that was your friend knowing she has slept with him at one time.

i dont know her background, what she's been through, or why she did what she did.

i feel like you should be forgiving of her mistakes like the bible tells us to be. if it was too much for you to handle then you werent the right person for her.

i just hopes she learned from the mistakes she made and not repeat them.
i also noticed that the younger guys are more judgmental about stuff like this. my current b/f is 18 year older than me (he's 51) and he is very forgiving and totally in love with the person that i am.
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rightside
replied May 27th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
This girl is shy? Doesn't sound like it to me. She has not been honest with you. It's not shocking to me to see that in this day and age, men still don't want to know that their partner has been with alot of other men, even though it's ok for them to have multiples. This is one girl I would steer away from if you are having a hard time with her past. She apparently didn't learn her lesson about having unprotected sex the first time around, or even the second. Such a shame when women use abortion as a method of birth control. She needs to wake up, stop sleeping around, have some respect for herself, and you need to find a nice girl that you can be proud of, since her past seems to matter to you. Don't feel too sorry for her, she is the cause of all her misfortunes. God gave us all a brain and a backbone...and believe me, it's not THAT hard to say NO to sex. You'd be surprised how many women have it when they really don't even want it, all just to be liked by a man.
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bambilicious
replied June 8th, 2009
Re: Can't forgive my girlfriend for her past
busyforlife wrote:
She told me from the first time I asked about her past there were things she couldn't tell me because I didn't love her enough.


I think what she meant there is she didn't trust that you loved her enough that she could tell you everything about her past.

My past isn't one I am proud of either, and when my boy friend asked me questions about it took me a week or so to even get up the guts to talk about it. Because I thought once he knew about the old me, he would break up with me as fast as he could. But I was totally honest with him, and he still loves me more than ever.

She should have been honest with you, but I think she was scared to lose you. She's done the right thing about telling you the whole truth now, but its up to you if you still wanna be with her.


Just be honest with eachother and get everything out into the open, then you can leave the past where it is and (hopefully) move forward together.


People do really change for the right person.
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loren111
replied June 14th, 2009
i can see your very upset and i understand it is very upseting to be put frew that by the one you truely love. everyone has pasts which are mistakes and regrets but when people move on its time to think of the future not moving the past with. your gf sounds lyk she had been frew alot and maybe was worried about telling you becuase she didnt want you to think more bad of her because she been with 18 guys and already had abortions. she must of had her reasons . but i understand that she was wrong to an extent becuase she shouldnt lie to you for so long after you already asked her questions before and at last minute she admits. lies arnt about true love and can affect relationships massively. i can see uve been frew alot and maybe you should move on,but if this could be sorted out i hope everything works out for u in time and i wish you the best of luck for the future x
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ant123
replied June 15th, 2009
Are you kidding? stop with the excuses.She obviously likes unprotected sex drugged out or otherwise.You need to get your priorities straight and get your life together.You may want to both get an education to figure out how these babies keep happening. There are worse things out there like hp virus, aids, vd etc.
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starship33
replied June 16th, 2009
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ant123,
if you are without sin, then you throw the first stone. other wise if you cant offer positive advice, if this story strike a nerve in you, you have the right to not answer the question.
if you would like to respectful talk about how teens and young adults should protect themselves so they can prevent unwanted pregnancies, that's fine.
your strong attitude is very offensive.
God bless
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ant123
replied June 16th, 2009
ServiceU
I agree with you ServiceU. I'm sorry for negative attitude. I have no excuse. We have all made mistakes. I just made another one myself. Forgiveness is important. I think in a relationship if you can truly forgive each other anything is possible.
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cracking
replied January 9th, 2011
my girlfirend gave 5 litle miner blowjobs to her x before me but says she neva suked jus licked it shud i forgive her 4 her past or wat?
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pouffychickidee
replied January 29th, 2011
it's her past not yours, you cannot change that, people make mistake, they learn, nothing you can't do, she didn't start her life with you or, thinking she will be with you, she had a life before YOU!

Seriously you have issues, get it fix.
Dont ask about her past, past is call past for one thing.. IT STAYS IN THE PAST.

YOU ARE HER PREsENT thats all that matters.
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