I'm 18 years old and I've been having sex with my boyfriend (who I lost my virginity to) for almost 4 months now. It hurt at first, which I know is normal, but the hurting stopped. Now, it doesn't hurt, but there is no tingling sensation. All I feel is his penis going in and out of me. I just feel like it's not what I'm supposed to be feeling. Every time we have sex, I get aroused and have no problems getting wet. Also, I love him with everything I have, so I know it's not the emotional connection that's the problem. I try to focus hard, but still I never feel anything. We have tried different positions--still nothing. He is experienced in sex and has never run into this problem before, so it's not that either. I am on birth control, which my doctor said should help, but it hasn't. I can get clitoral oregasms, but I have noticed that the feeling I get from them has sort of depleted since I started doing it a few years ago. I don't know what to do about this. I want sex to feel pleasurable and he feels horrible that he can't make me feel what he feels. Can anyone in the world help me, please? It's all very stressful and frustrating.
Britney, Statistically it is more likely that he could not tell the difference between a woman faking an orgasm and one experiencing a real orgasm.
Your clitoris is what gives you an orgasm. For most couples, the clitoris just does not get the stimulation needed during intercourse. This is mainly because of your anatomy where your clitoris is too far from your vaginal entrance so that his penis going in and out does nothing to stimulate it.
You can try to 'masturbate' while he is having sex with you. Find a position where you have access to your clitoris. You on top, doggy or any of the positions where your feet is in the air. Just put your hand down there and rub. Or take his fingers and lead him.
You on top is the ideal position to learn how to orgasm with a man. Remember that if you are self conscious or have a bad body image, it will negatively affect your ability to orgasm with him. When you are on top, you can control the angle, depth and speed of penetration. Try changing all of this until you find something that works for you. You also have access to your clitoris and breasts. Grind down and lean forward on his pubic bone to give your clitoris some stimulation. There is nothing that says you have to go up and down. You can grind down in circles, of forward and backward or side to side. You can even let his penis slip out and then rub over it to stimulate your clitoris.
Make sure you have plenty of water based personal lubricant and top up regularly. You also need to concentrate on your feelings and how to make the sexual tension increase. While having sex is not the time to think about other things. You should also not relax your muscles during sex. An orgasm depends on the sexual tension building in your genital muscles. If the tension does not build, it cannot release in orgasmic waves.
Don't give up to soon. Keep on going until you get there.
It can also help for you to masturbate in front of your partner. That way he can learn how you like to be touched. It might feel strange, but you will not be able to wipe the smile from his face for many days. You can even take his hand and use his fingers to masturbate yourself.
Look at all drugs and medicines you are using. Many medicines (even overt-the-counter) affect your ability to orgasm.
Ultimately 3 ingredients are needed for you to orgasm:
The continuous stimulation of your clitoris for long enough and the correct mental state to allow you to get there.
And please remember to always be safe. Protect yourself from pregnancy and infections.
Thank you so much for helping me. I finally got to test this out last night. The tightening of the muscles did make a difference, and I think with practice I'll get better. The only thing that didn't really work was rubbing my clit. When we started to have sex, it got swollen and when I rubbed it, it had sort of lost its sensitivity. I didn't want to rub too hard and potentially do damage to myself, so I stopped rubbing. Is my clit supposed to swell up and lose feeling like that?
Brit, Your clit is really massive. What you see and feel is just the outside tip (the head and shaft). Where it goes into your body, it makes a U turn. It has two bulbs that runs backwards (towards your behind) underneath your labia. It looks like a wish bone under your labia, with the straight piece connecting with your "outside" clitoris and the two legs forming the clitoris bulbs around your urethra and vulva. These bulbs surround your vagina and urethra underneath your vulva floor. The bulbs are like balloons and it will swell up tremendously when you get aroused. This will make the visible part of your clitoris erect. It fills with blood just like a man's penis and may start to stick out and stand upright in stead of laying flat in its hood. Your labia minora will also engorge with blood. this will give your vulva the look of a flower blossoming and opening up with everything swollen.
Touching your clitoris directly at this stage can desensitize it. You should only touch and rub it through your clitoral hood and make sure it is lubricated enough.
As you get more aroused, harder and faster rubbing is needed. Your clitoris can take considerable pressure and as long as you use common sense and do not do it to the point of pain, you will be ok. During sex your clitoris will often be squeezed by your partner's pubic bone with his weight behind it. It is thus able to take considerable "abuse".
The numbness can also be a phase in your sexual response cycle that you just have to work through. The plateau phase of your sexual response cycle is a pretty boring phase, unlike arousal and orgasm. It is a phase during which the tension should keep on building and the stimulation of the nerve endings in your clitoris will keep on being fed into your brain where it will create an electrical storm that will eventually overwhelm your brain and make it shut down for a few seconds when you orgasm. This 'electrical storm' is the same thing that will make you twitch, move and vocalize involuntary close to orgasm.
Do not give up on stimulating your clitoris. It can take several minutes to get there. You can switch the way you rub, across to up and down to next to your clitoris to rolling and pinching your clitoris through its hood. You can even pinch it lightly through the hood and move up and down like you are giving your partner a hand job. You can touch your breasts, squeeze them and pinch your nipples. Tell him where you want him to touch you. His hands on your breasts or hips, or buttocks can feel great. He can even run his fingers around your anus if you are both comfortable with it. He can kiss your neck or lightly scratch and massage your back.
All this should keep the sensations flowing to your brain and keep the sexual tension building.
Birth control pills can certainly have something to do with your ability to get to an orgasm. You can speak to your doctor to try another formulation. Anti-depressants are the other BIG culprit when it comes to arousal and orgasms. Both of these do not take your ability to orgasm away but just stretch out the time to reach orgasm.
And just in case you never learned this, make sure you wash well under your clitoris hood with clean water. Remove all buildup of smegma and oil (smegma is a withe creamy mixture of dead skin cells and skin oil that can cause problems if not washed off). Make sure you wash in all the corners and cracks under your clitoral hood with clean water.
Take care. Keep on trying and do not give up too soon. As soon as you can do it once, it will just fall in place.
briteny i am strugeling with the same issue! My boyfriend and i have been having sex now for over a year and tho he loves it i feel nothing at all thats plesureable, i wouldnt even be bothered about having sex if it wasnt for the fact that i love to feel intamite with him. Tho we are young i still am completely in love with him and honestly hand on heart feel that he is the one so i dont think it can be an imontional connection problem at all. We have tried all sorts of positions and lubes and allways when having sex we make sure and have loads of fore play and he (or i if he cant reach :L) try to stimulate my cllit at the same time but still nothing!
I totally understand how stressful and annoying it is! I mean it gets me down because having seen SOOO many films with romantic love scenes and hearing my friends say how amazing it feels i want the same thing with my boyfriend! It seams so unfair that i cant seam to get it! Also he has got into the habbit of desperatly asking me how it was for me everytime he is finished because one thing he can tell strate away is if i am lying and when i say it was ok or a little better than last he just looks so upset and is just unpleaseed with himself thinking he is the problem. I have tried to explain to him that i cant reach orgasum even when trying to stimulate myself but i can still see that it gets him down so much too.
If i find out anything that helps i will be sure to let you know! Please can you do the same with me? Haha. My boyfriend and i are at the stage of being seriously ready to try anything that is suggested! :L
Wish you werent having the same trouble as me but in a way (even if it sounds kinda mean) i am so glad that i am not the only one with this issue! Every forum i had found on sites so far people were just bring up issues like they couldnt stop orgasuming or werent getting the orgasum they wanted to and i was just sitting there reading them like wow, i am jelous of you, how can you complain?! At least your getting SOMETHING!
Yes girl, I realized we are not the only ones. I have tried tons of stuff too :[ It sucks because I read stories like this of girls who have the same problem as me, but I have yet to come across a success story of someone who USED to be like us and now can feel things.. but my boyfriend is very understanding and that helps a lot for me.. he told me that he read that a lot of women don't reach their sexual peak until they get older. So I don't know, maybe in some years it will be different for us. I can tell you that some positions have felt better than others. Like I will get on top and he will use his hands to guide me. I will lean up and press down to give my clit some pressure. And I go up and down but just a little bit, and I get faster. It isn't mindblowing, but it's the best feeling I've had so far.
Also, if your boyfriend is into giving you oral sex, that feels good. But guys really have no idea what they are doing down there, so if it feels uncomfortable, just tell him. What feels good for me is when my boyfriend puts some pressure with his tongue on the hood of my clit (because it can get kind of uncomfortable if he is putting pressure right on your actual clit) and he moves his tongue up and down and back and forth. And I just tell him when to go harder and when to slow down. If you haven't tried this, I'd suggest it. Because the other night I actually had a little orgasm of a couple seconds! It did take a lot of time and effort on his part to get me there, but it happened! So, try this and I hope it works out for you :]
And definitely let me know if you discover anything that might work for me also!!
I have the same issue! I lost my virginity only 6 months ago and when I did I didnt feel anything at all down there. My friends said it would hurt at first but yet i felt nothing at all. Since then i had sex with 2 other boys to figure out why I cant feel anything, I thought it could have been because the size of my boyfriend. I was wronge. I felt like I was the only one going through this, but now it seems I was wronge. I hate the way I look with a passion. Could it be because my weight? (200lb) Help? I just wanna feel soooomthing. :/
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and i have the same problem, i masturbate and it takes an extremely long time to make myself orgasm now, i dont know what to do anymore, i have told my partner and he thinks it is all his fault, the only time sex hurt for me was my 2nd boyfriend and only because he was big (down their)
I a sorry to hear this. Was this always a problem for you, or did you orgasm easier at some stage? When did iit change for you? Did you start birth control or started taking medicines?
The place to fix your problems is during masturbation. It is your very own and private sex research facility.
An orgasm happens when the tension in your muscles and body reach a point where your brain will let go and release it in those waves of pleasure, contractions and heat. I hope you have figured out by now that your pleasure comes mainly from your clitoris, and not your vagina?
The way you orgasm quicker is to let the stress in your muscles build quicker. Once again common wisdom says you have to relax. This is partly correct. You actually have to relax your thoughts, meaning that you have to cut out any thoughts, except those about your connection with your partner, the feeling in your genitals and body, and your pleasure. any other thoughts will delay your orgasm.
Getting to your orgasm is like pushing a large ball up a mountain. the ball (your excitement and tension)needs to go higher and hiher, before you can push it over the crest to run down in your orgasm. if you do not concentrate and work to get that ball up the mountain, it will never reach the top (or it will just roll back and leave you dissatisfied). The more you concentrate and work, the quicker you get there.
So you have to concentrate on the feelings in your genitals and building them up, not about your fear that you wil not climax, or worry about how you look, or what you did not get to do today. Only one thing on your mind, your pleasure and growing that to and incredible orgasm.
You can try to tighten your thigh and genital muscles rytmically to increase the tension.
You can try two different ways to reach orgasms quicker, if you do not mind experimenting. Fold a pillow between your legs and hump it. You can 'ride it like a horse'. That will give your muscles something to do, and your mind something to concentrate on.
The second way is to let water run ovr your clitoris from the bath faucet. Put your legs up, adjust the strength and temperature and concentrate on the feeling. move your lower body around to vary where and how the water hits your clitoris.
These two techniques will make it easier to reach orgasm quicker. Once you have that confidence, you can transfer the techniques you learned to traditional masturbation and intercourse.
And learn to love your body and sexuality. It is yours, it is you. And it is your pathway to sexual pleasure. You cannot change it, it is what it is. So learn to love and enjoy your sexual self.
I'm having the same problem. I've ended up watching lots of porn to see if I've been doing something wrong or if I could change something, but nothing helped. Now I've just been watching porn to see what it would look like to have a vaginal orgasm. It's so sad to see my partner having fun and I just lay there trying to do the same. But this forum has really helped and ill try of these and pray that they work. Thank you so much.
Your first problem is what you expect from your vagina. Women have vaginal orgasms as the exception, and normally only when they are much older (late 20's and up). Ofter women have to have a certain comfort level with their bodies, sexuality, sexual response and sex, and have a deep emotional connection to their partners (very much tantric sex like). Then she can relax and give herself fully over to her partner and her feelings and orgasm in the most amazing ways.
For the rest of us, and for casual sex, our clitoris is the way to orgasm. But it sounds like you already know the pleasures that your clitoris can give you, by yourself and with your partner. Keep on building on your relationship, and your sex will get better and better. Extend your sex sessions, a lot more massaging, kissing, cuddling and foreplay, and even a lot more orgasms before you finish. Staying super aroused for an extended period of time at that point just before you orgasm, will make it much more intense. Maybe read a book on tantric sex. And before you know it, you might get the BIG one you are looking for.
I am having a similar problem.
However I used to be able to orgasm really quick and it felt so good (before I got a boyfriend) then I have a boyfriend and I have tried different pills (yazmin and now levlen) not only for birth control but to regulate my periods. Since starting on the yazmin pill about a year ago I found it much harder to orgasm and I could feel only little sensation on my clit. Now Ifor three months I have been on levlen ED and I cant reach climax at all, I feel nothing on my clit, I don't get as horny and I just don't like having sex coz I get nothing out of it. I'm nineteen and way about 97kg. I don't know if my weight is the problem because I've been big my whole life. And it worked at one stage. I've tried using vibrators but that worked once and now it hurts to rub my clit.
It's been really hard for me as my boyfriend feels useless and in wanted when that's not the case. What can I do.? I need help ASAP.
my girlfriend has the same problem..first few times it was alright,everything was well,but now she can't feel anything..i know that the problem isn't in my ''package'',so i don't know what it is..i told her to try and masturbate,but it hadn't helped her during the intercourse..I'm so worried about that problem of hers,it drives me crazy!i mean,is it my fault?did i ruin something inside her,or is it something else going on?I really don't know,and any helpful suggestions,any at all would be more than welcome...so if you guys fixed your problems somehow please help me fix my girlfriends problems...tnx in advance!