What the heck am I doing here writing on a forum? I guess the only way to answer that is pure desperation really, I feel so alone and have know clue what or where to turn anymore, I also feel a deep embarassment for doing this too as i feel so alone, it could be some reason that I cannot explain, so sorry please feel free to delete if this is the wrong place.

I was raised in a Childrens home after being dumped on a doorstep in a carton (literally), parents must have felt that I was the same as disguarded toilet paper or something? lol or not, I don't know, but after exhaustive attempts in finding them over the years, has proven so fruitless it is not a joke, I'm starting to feel like I was planted on this earth, by some other entity, believe me it does feel like that at times.

So hear I am at 47 years old with no Family , no friends and no wife and kids, and yet another Christmas alone, I'm very strong willed so no attempts at suicide, thought about it, but I guess I need to see what is going to be next on the lifes agenda, yep the eternal optimist at play.

So my question is how the heck do people cope when their lives are in such disarray, without resorting to narcotics or alcohol, I have never been that week, but the weekness is really showing it's face at the moment.