Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Can I get her back?

Hi,
I have just recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I'm 23, she is 22, recently graduated college. I'm really hurt and not really seeing a future for myself anymore. I planned to marry this girl. It wasn't just my idea, we had both talked about it.
Her reasons for breaking up with me is because she saw me as too childish and not taking life seriously enough. I do admit I can be childish sometimes. Basically she wanted me to be more like a man and grow up. I really miss her and want her back.
We broke up once before after we'd been dating for 7 months. We ended up dating again after 5 months. I know the feelings are there for her, but the problem now is we are no longer in college and live in different states, about 2 hours away. I really love her and miss her, I'm having trouble eating and sleeping. My stomach in knots and my dreams all seem to be about her. I talked to her today online, and she said she wanted to be friends. But I know I could never just be friends with her, it would be torture to see her with another guy. I just want my girl back. I could just use some advice, it would help a lot. If you need more info about this, just ask.
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replied September 17th, 2008
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I'm an optimistic and a very positive guy.

But I hate to say it but I don't think there is any possible chance to get back with her.

But PM me, I have an idea Razz

-Peter
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replied September 17th, 2008
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Well my opinion is that if she really loves you, and she feels the love that you have for her, you will eventually get back together. She graduated and you are still attending college right? Maybe just give her a lil' time to gather her thoughts....but not too much time....you don't want her meeting another guy. If I was you, I would make a list of all the things that you do that she views as childish. Read the list to yourself and train yourself to act more mature at all times. She will notice a difference in you eventually and see that you tried. I bet that you two will get back together. Cool
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replied September 17th, 2008
Actually we both graduated college, sorry if i wasn't clear on that.
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replied September 18th, 2008
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Well good luck with evreything.
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replied September 28th, 2008
Hi there,

Since you planned to marry her, but she has now broken up with you, it is probably best to try and break all contact! If you remain friends it will just hurt you more.

Since you live in different states even, its not so realistic that you'll get back together?

Try to see it from her perspective too. She wants to see that you really take her seriously. You could travel to where she lives, maybe give her flowers! Instead of talking to her online. Now that COULD win her back, hehe.
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replied September 28th, 2008
annette is right the longer u hold on the longer its gonna hurt. Ive been through something simular. your only 23 and there is plenty of time 2 find someone else.
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replied October 4th, 2008
His age doesn't matter...pain is pain no matter how old you are.

Having said that, we don't really know enough to know whether or not you'll end up back with this girl. This whole thing just sucks, no one should have to go through it.
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replied October 8th, 2008
I have a question
You said you broke up in the past and got back together after 5 months. Wow how did that work and what was that situation about? Answer that question and ill have a better view on your situation.
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replied October 15th, 2009
When your girlfriend decides she's had enough and wants to move on to see other people, it can really hurt. I know it's not exactly "manly" to let it be known that we feel pain like anyone else, but that doesn't change the fact that we do. Well, there are plenty of ways to get over that pain and even get back together with your ex girlfriend, and I'm here to help you!

Getting back with your ex isn't going to be a walk in the park, but there's a system to it that can simplify things and make it way easier than it could be. Even then, there's no guarantee that it works for everyone, and honestly anybody who says "my way is 100% flawless and guaranteed" is lying. No single method works 100% of the time with 100% of the people, but this process I'm about to show you is one of the most effective ones out there.

First things first, when the breakup actually happens, don't go chasing after her begging her to come back to you. It's not very manly, and it's not going to get you anywhere anyways. She's made up her mind, she's probably angry or hurt or both, and seeing MORE of you right at this time isn't really on her list of favorite things to do.

Give her some space, some time to heal and get herself back in order. While she's sorting her own things out, you need to be doing some thinking yourself. Painful as it is, it's been made clear that the two of you as you both are will NOT end up working things out. SHE'S not going to change, so if you want to make it work with her YOU'RE going to have to be the one to change.

Analyze your relationship with her, and really figure out what YOU did wrong. If you already know what it was, that's great...some girls will tell you what the problems are when they break up with you. Not all of them do though, so you may have to do some thinking here. Once you figure it out and make a list of the things you did to contribute to the demise of the relationship, you have some more work ahead of you.

You have to take those flaws and errors you have or have made, and get rid of them. Stop doing the things that drive her away, and start doing things to draw her to you. A lot of this depends on the specific girl and what her individual needs and expectations are, so you can tell yourself exactly what it is you need to do better than I could, since you know her better than I do.

Whatever the case may be, you need to work your issues out and solve your biggest problems. When you're either done with that or are well on the road to being done with it, you can reinitiate contact with your ex. Remember to keep it simple and light, calling about the breakup or getting back together isn't usually met with much positivity. A pretty tried-and-true example of a first contact is to see how she's been doing since the breakup. It's light, shows you care, and doesn't start getting into "oh my God I miss you so much come back."

Once you've established contact again, slowly build back up with a few contacts here and there, light and friendly without getting TOO friendly. Eventually you two will probably start spending time together, and at this point it's important to spend this time doing things the two of you always really enjoyed doing before when you were a couple. Doing something fun and familiar should bring fond memories to the surface, and start to rekindle a little of what she felt for you in the past.

Really, from here it's just playing it by ear. Pay attention to her, listen to her, and watch for any signals that she may still be in love with you. Let her see for herself that the problems you had that assisted the ending of the relationship have been dealt with or are in the process of being dealt with. Be the guy she fell in love with, only without the faults that made her leave.

Following this procedure tends to have excellent results, guys. No other "technique" has as high a success rate, because this one actually fixes the problems. If she loves you, she WANTS to be with you, she just doesn't want to be unhappy while she is. That's why she left! If you make it so that you're not causing her unhappiness and she can see that you won't be, she'll be far more open to giving it another shot.

So give it a go, see what happens. I guarantee you'll be surprised at how much easier it seems. Good luck! =)
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replied October 15th, 2009
You must be hurting so badly Sad I am still in love with my ex, we broke up 18 months ago and were meant to get married. It does hurt, and that thought that you may have to spend the rest of your life without them is horrible and you wonder how you will cope, but I am a great believer in if it is meant to be, it will be. Just give her some space, but not too much, you don't want her to think that you don't care. Maybe just a little text or message every so often just saying hi, how are you, or find a reason to contact her with something you know she likes but doesn't look like you are checking up on her, maybe something saying that you just saw her favourite actress has a new movie out or send her a funny photo of something she will find cute. My ex does things like that all the time, as he isn't being too clingy or like he is checking up on me, but showing that he is always thinking of me and it always makes me smile.

She obviously has things she needs to think about and may be worrying now that she has graduated and is in the big real world that she needs to be a proper grown-up and do everything a certain way. Us girls do think things like that and maybe she thinks that you aren't mature enough to move forward in your new lives together, but I am sure that you can prove that you can be mature enough to move on with her.

Although I wish every day that I could be with my ex again, I never doubt his love for me, and he still tells me often that he loves me, so make sure she never doubts how you feel. Good luck!
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replied May 27th, 2010
hey,
this ir real trejdy with you. If you like her by heart ,them your must convince her once.

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replied June 1st, 2010
I've been there with you. I think everyone in the world has. Broken hearts are just part of life. You are young and this too shall pass. One door closed means that another one will open. What you Must do now is to begin to heal. Analyze your relationship skills and your boundaries with people. True love is earned and is not something that just happens. True love is something that requires a lot of work and patience. She is not on the same page with you at this time and season of her life. I know it hurts and I know you probably feel like throwing up every day when the possibile thought that you may never have her again in your life. But that also will pass. Daily create a new life for yourself, leaving all females out of the picture until you feel like you don't need her to make you whole. You are so young and you have so much to look forward to in life. Know this, that God loves you more than she ever could and you just have to trust Him to bring you the perfect match for you in His timing when you are able to have a mature relationship with a women. Pain is pain but God wants to help you heal.
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replied July 1st, 2010
hi! i know exactly how you feel!! it's not easy to see her with other guys after what you two had..but trust me..time heals everything..you should and WILL move on..
but if you really want her back try out a guide..i found a discussion on get your ex back guides here- http://ehealthforum.com/health/how-to-get- your-ex-back-t174351.html

GOOD LUCK!!
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replied July 1st, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I agree, give it time and you will eventually get over her, If you dont want that, let her know you are still interested and see what response you get...Jenny
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replied July 2nd, 2010
This might seems really odd but, do you really want her back or do you want the feelings that have been taken away from you back? Getting back is often a knee jerk reaction to your emotions.

If you get back together. Will the reasons why you are back together be 'fixed'.
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replied August 9th, 2010
Sometime geting back with someone its not that easy. I know this from experience. It may be harder or easer then you tink, it depends on how good do you know yourself or the all things related to this. when u understand all the tings its easy too react and make things happen.
I found this guide very helpfull. Maybe it will help you too. I wihs all the broken hearted out the all the good luck in the world.
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