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Can a person with bipolar please answer my questions?

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hi all,

I recently got out of a relationship with a bipolar man. He ended it out of nowhere (again). We were together 5 months and he was diagnosed 2 weeks before we broke up and was supposed to start medication. I have some confusion about certain things and it would be great help to gain clarity/ understanding from someone who actually has BP (other answers from non-BPs are welcome too).

1. Why the need for so much space? My BP ex ony wanted to see me once a week and talk to me only once every 2-3 days. And yet he always complains he feels smothered or that I am being clingy (yet, to any "nornal" man I am actually the independent type who is not at all clingy or needy). I only asked for a once a day phone call and that is too much for him? He says I put too much demands on him? He acts like calling and seeing me is such an obligation. He refuses to answer his phone and will disappear for a week or more. why??? yet, the first month we dated he wanted to see me and talk to me all the time, so why the sudden change?

2. After verbal/ emotional abuse, do they realize what they have done and feel sorry/ remorseful? Or do they forget what they have done? My ex left me 3 weeks ago for no reason (after a period of telling me he wants marriage, to live together, to be together forever, and saying "I love you"). He was just angry at me for calling and wanting to talk to him. Is he going to realize that it's because of his BP and that I really didn't do anything wrong? Is he going to feel sorry for the hurtful words? Or will he just find someone new and forget me?

3. My BP ex was supposed to start medication a week ago, should I expect him to come back? Do the meds work right away? Or should I just assume it's over for good and move on? (I am willing to work it out AS LONG AS he takes meds and continues his therapy).

4. When he ended it and told me to move on and he needed space, should I still reach out to him or should I just let it go and respect his need for space? It didn't end well, and I feel bad. But I don't want to reach out to him because I don't want to annoy him. I mean if he really loved me and wanted to make it work, then it should be him to make the first contact?

5. Will medication most likely make him "normal" or will he still go into cycles? or it can take years to discover the right meds and combinations?

6. Do people with BP have any INSIGHT?? Like do they know "hey, it's me with the issues, not my girlfriend"?

7. Is verbal and emotion abuse part of being BP, or specific to one's individual personality? Because I have read HUNDREDS of stories of abusive BP men and yet it seems like all (well the stories I have read) BP people deny they are abusive.


I am just trying to understand him. I am just sad because I was willing to work it out still (after a rocky 5 months) because he will start medication. but now he is gone. Just trying to understand and make sense of things.

Thank you!
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First Helper User Profile pitbull_692
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replied October 26th, 2011
oh yeah, I would love to know the answers to these questions too.
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replied October 28th, 2011
My boyfriend is bipolar and says mean things and I do not believe we have conciouses.I cheated with him on my husband of 27 years and have no regret and my husband understands and still loves me.
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replied October 26th, 2011
1. He met you while in mania and the attraction has faded. He truly is no longer interested. This happens regardless of being bipolar.
2. What abuse? No, he doesn't feel bad. He is no longer interested. Maybe you need to back off.
3. If he can't find anyone else and wants a booty call
4. Respect the fact he no longer feels the sme about you and move on. Why do yu persist in a relationship that is so one-sided.
5. Explain normal???
6. Ah, duh? Maybe you are the one with the problem. Maybe you should analyze why you keep insisting on contact.
7. If it is really abusive, why are you stalking him?

It bothers me that you won't look at your own actions instead you simply point the finger at him. Relationships are a two way street. He has told you his position and feelings. Why is it so hard for you to understand? Maybe you have your own issues to deal with. You do seem awfully clingy to me. If you had more self worth his actions wouldn't effect you like this.

It is time you think about it. If it is that horrible, why would you want to pursue him the way you are? Hmmm, seems fishy to me.
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replied October 27th, 2011
mr einstein,

essentially I am a "normal" person trying to pursue a healthy relationship with an "abnoral" man. I am in no way clingy, I am considered a normal avergae girlfriend who expects respect and affection and love. is that a crime?

why is so hard for me to understand? because he just told me how much he loves me, how he wants to spend the rest of his life for me. and then BAM he disappears. all i wanted is answers and to understand.

Clingy would be demanding to see him EVERYDAY and calling and texting throughout the day. All i wanted was to see him twice a week and a once a day phone call, which is considered the norm. I am not being clingy; HE is the one who is neglectful with is a form of emotional abuse. Essentially it is the same as giving the silent treatment. I deserve at least some communication to know what is going on.

when i ask if medication will make him "normal", I mean stabilizing his mood and lessening the bipolar effects.

I am sorry but i find your response a bit insulting. any woman would be confused if their boyfriend acted hot and cold. just look at all these posts on this board.

And I in no way stalk him. When in a relationsip I have the right to know where we stand. but as soon as he officially ends it I cut off all contact out of respect. its now been over a month since we spoke and yes I have moved on. I already went on a first date last night with a great man.

my point is:
If we are IN a relationship, I deserve loving care.
If he has offically ENDED the relationship I do NOT contact him or "stalk" him.

I don't know why you think me calling him is "stalking" him when we are in a relationship and he hasn't spoken to me for days.

So when we were in the relationship and he goes missing for days I am just supposed to sit there and smile and wait for him?

EITHER WAY I HAVE MOVED ON, THANK YOU.

I was trying to be an understanding and compassionate person who is willing to give it a chance, but my efforts have been wasted and not appreciated. Everyone says not to leave a bipolar person becase they are sick. I was willing to stay because he is getting help. I know no one is perfect. But I really can't handle it.

Now I see him breaking up with me is doing me a favor. 90% of marriages with a bipolar spouse end in divore. SO IT WOULD OF ENDED DOWN THE LINE ANYWAY.

and i do not have issues. when in a relationship, you are supposed to communicate and respect each other. Disappearing for a week is cruel, so don't you think I have every right to be angry?

are you bipolar too?
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Users who thank kitty847 for this post: lost_jules 

replied November 4th, 2011
@kitty847 Here is my answer: Two possibilities, Either your ex would come back again to you when he is back again in the mood your ex was seeing you or your ex would never come back again. Let me explain the later case in more detail based on my own experience when I all of sudden stopped loving someone that I loved the most for no reason. I was just going to prove to myself that I can kill my emotions. That was the beggining when i first diagnost with BPD.
My suggestion for you is to closely monitor your ex moods . Approach your ex in various times. Try to predict your ex symptoms in various time. And please do not leave your along HELP YOUR EX!
I have more to say. Let me stop here though.
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replied December 14th, 2011
Kitty847,

Wow, you described me and my fiance perfectly!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. Mine has done the same thing. We are still together 4 yrs later, getting married in May, 2012, maybe. I am having second thoughts because I am so tired of his bullying. He will set me up to make fun of me. He pretends to be angry at me until I feel tears coming on (I am very independent, so that is not easy to do). Once he realizes he has upset me, he says he was "joking". I gave him some links to videos on bullying and mean behavior, which he is now making fun of me for thinking he is a bully. I have a Bachelor's of Science in psychology, I know about bipolar from the book angle, so it isn't like I am uninformed. BUT being in a relationship is totally different than the book. I would love to see some real answers to your questions, not rude ones like I have seen some people put so far.
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Users who thank guest15351 for this post: n2kismet 

replied July 20th, 2013
I believe he is bipolar too, you have all the right to try. some relationships work as a matter of fact i know one. don't think of it too much though. let time pass and things will get better. he may or he may not come back. remember no logic in this whole ordeal.
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replied October 27th, 2011
Experienced User
You had every right to expect what you did, if in a "relationship".....don't let anyone tell you otherwise. None of that is over the top or clingy or stalking....it's simply mutual love and respect, which many of us have found to be in short supply. Know that so many of us understand exactly where you're at and feel every bit of your pain and heartache. Good luck to you!
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Users who thank n2kismet for this post: lost_jules 

replied October 28th, 2011
thank you n2kismet.
you seem to undestand where im coming from. honestly ANY girl in my position would feel frustrated, upset confused, angry. and most girls would have left him a long time ago. i guess i just gave him too many chances. but i do realize he is not in any state to be in a relationship (with anyone). if he truly loves me or not, i just need to move on. i think i did enough research on this bipolar. and I think i tried enough. i don't think he is coming back. i should just let him be and move on. and i need to also respect myself because i shouldn't have to put up with verbal and emotional abuse. i hope he gets well.

thank you again.
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Users who thank kitty847 for this post: guest15351 

replied July 25th, 2013
Hopefully your study hasn't made you think that every relationship fits comfortably in a little neat box.
Your expectations re how often and when he contacts you, to me appears a bit pedantic in itself. Surely it is not how often you connect but the quality in which you do, when you do.
seems to me it really is best if you move on. People with mental illnesses are indeed a tough gig, and after having completed your BS and not understanding as such means a couple of things.
one, you still don't understand your field of study and have not learnt.
Two, you are being too text book and rigid. not allowing your relationship to be natural.
just my 2 cents worth.
Good luck and relax.
Are you the sort of person who sets the alarm clock for the same time every day? Does your washing on the same day? Absolute routine is a way of life?
yep, sorry I thought so.
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replied January 7th, 2012
Experienced User
hi Cynthianne,
I so agree with n2kismet on this one. we all wish you so much luck. my question is are you sure you want to get married until this stuff is sorted out?I really feel for you. the verbal abuse has just started here. My husband of 43 years was diagnosed in 2005 I think it was. he's having a rough time now but he doesn't know it. I've been living with it so I definitely know it. Had no idea when we got married that he was BP but I'm sure he was. He was (very young-21)I was only 20. Please take care of yourself
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replied January 7th, 2012
Hello! Joyce, n2kismet, and Kitty847,

We had a long discussion last night about how he is sabotaging our relationship. He does recognize his outbursts are getting worse and confessed that he had stopped taking one of his medications. I told him if he was going to play around with the meds, and not tell me, I was not going to marry him. Bipolar is a medical issue and should not be taken lightly. On both of his medications he is reasonable, and the guy I fell in love with back when I was 14 (we have known each other for over 30 yrs). He is not the man I fell in love with again, in a different way at age 45...so he promised to keep taking his medication because he said it was not worth it to be in such a mental state without it. I told him to talk to his psychiatrist about it when he saw him in a couple weeks and tell him about going off that medication etc...to figure out the deeper reasoning behind it. I believe my fiance wanted to be "normal" and not take medication, but I told him I have to take medication for my lupus, how is his medication any different? Wink Anyway, we talked for hours and are stronger than before. We talked about strategies and methods of letting him know he is getting out of control. He knows I was about to break it off with him, but I do believe he is genuine in his efforts to be strong and not run me off. Smile Good luck everyone! and thank you for the well wishes! I will keep you all posted. At least last night went well. whew!
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replied October 29th, 2011
1. when I am having a bad episode be it manic or depressive I cant STAND people. I want to be quiet and alone with my thoughts because in an episode people are just loud annoying and "purposely making me mad". whether its an enemy or my mom its the same. just an intense desire to be alone. caused me to run away a lot.

2. in my case, i randomly blow up or have so much anger at who knows what inside that it just hurts everyone near me. ive said horrible things to people i love and it haunts me. but for some reason i either dont remember or dont think about it until weeks after, so sometimes im very guilty and ashamed and avoid that person.

3. im not sure on this one, my parents refuse to medicate me so im taking my friend wellbutrin and its done wonders. my episodes are shorter and not as bad, and i generally feel better. but ive only been on it 5 days so idk

4. GIVE HIM SPACE. but dont abandon him. let him know you are there and have his back and care about him, but keep it short and dont smother.

5. medication can help but it really needs to be with therapy and things like meditation etc. but try not to tell him what to do, this always upsets me, instead suggest it and drop it if the convos going bad.

6. yes and no. when I go a little crazy I believe its everyone elses fault and the world is out to get me. other times I feel horrible and everythings my fault and im hurting everyone and im evil.

7. I dont know, ive definetly given my fair share of physical and verbal abuse because I can become so agitated and angry at times. usually I dont mean what I say or its exagerrated. I become a different person.

do NOT believe its like this for all people with mood disorders too. this is just me and my views on this. hopefully I could help u understand him a little. and not everythings his fault and not everythings your fault either. stay strong
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Users who thank radiohead74 for this post: lost_jules 

replied October 30th, 2011
thank you so much radiohead!!! that definitely helps. I'm just trying to understand him better, and so that helps a lot. I don't think he's coming back though (it's been a month and not a word). but at least I have a better understanding of it, if he comes back or not. I just wish I knew all this while we were dating; now it's too late unless he comes back. I wish I would have handled it differently :/
I'm sorry if my first post maybe sounded a little offensive to someone with bipolar, i was just frustrated and in need of answers. but I have a better understanding of it now. i know you can't exactly speak for him but it still helps, thank you!!!
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Users who thank kitty847 for this post: lost_jules 

replied January 7th, 2012
Hi Kitty847,

I am not sure if this helps or not, but my fiance used to "disappear" for a month to six weeks, I would text him or call and leave a message on his machine, then he would get back to me like nothing had happened. He honestly did not realize how much time had passed until I started marking it on the calendar. When we would see each other, I would put it on the calendar as a smiley face. He got offended by that, so I started thanking him for the visits on his "wall" on Facebook, he did not know I was keeping track of how many times we saw each other or spoke to each other. If you want to get back together with him, go ahead and approach it, tell him you missed him and wanted to know if he was ok. I believe that although Bipolar is going to be a challenge, it can be worked through. I am beginning to believe that the biggest key is to not take his actions personally, just silently tell yourself it is bipolar. Try not to fight back (this is where I am now). It does seem to be easier with my guy if I just let him rant and go on, while I listen, then ask him if he is done. He seems to be ok with that. He will go to his mancave and cool off. I also want to throw in there that although we are getting married in May, we are still only seeing each other every 6 weeks. He cares for him mother and still loses track of time. I have to ask him to drop by when he is running errands, etc..to spark him to remember to include me. Good luck!
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replied October 30th, 2011
Experienced User
what is normal? There's no such thing. I'm bipolar and I was going to add to this but read mr. Einsten's reply and would have echoed that.
There's a big stigma around mental health and singling people out like that and all the labeling, makes it worse.
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replied January 7th, 2012
Normal is the standard that is set per each culture or environment. When someone goes against that normal, by choice or not, it is considered to be abnormal behavior. To say someone is not normal, or to wish for normal behavior, is to wish someone is acting in accordance to what the culture or environment sees it to be.
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replied October 30th, 2011
Experienced User
Please stop saying "they" and making us look like freaks. It's rude.

1. Why the need for so much space?
Everyone is different. I'm bipolar and not like this. I don't like being alone for long. Some people in general are afraid of being attached.

2. After verbal/ emotional abuse, do they realize what they have done and feel sorry/ remorseful? Or do they forget what they have done? Does he drink? If he was drunk and blacked out then yes, he could have forgotten. Sometimes the person with BP will feel so guilty we don't know what to say.

3. My BP ex was supposed to start medication a week ago, should I expect him to come back? Do the meds work right away? Or should I just assume it's over for good and move on?
Meds can take a month to work. It depends on the medication. Combined with behavioral therapy, it can be managed.

4. When he ended it and told me to move on and he needed space, should I still reach out to him or should I just let it go and respect his need for space?
respect him

5. Will medication most likely make him "normal" or will he still go into cycles? or it can take years to discover the right meds and combinations?
There is no normal. With medication we can still go into cycles. It depends. these imbalances are different from person to person. there are also 2 types of bipolar.

6. Do people with BP have any INSIGHT?? Like do they know "hey, it's me with the issues, not my girlfriend"?
Yes, I do admit when I know I did something wrong. I've also had this for 10 years so I've been in and out of therapy and on and off meds.

7. Is verbal and emotion abuse part of being BP, or specific to one's individual personality? Because I have read HUNDREDS of stories of abusive BP men and yet it seems like all (well the stories I have read) BP people deny they are abusive.

Please don't read stories online. People make up the craziest stuff. It is more likely that a man will deny it because that's just how men are. Women are more hormonal and more likely reach out for help. A lot of times, they don't even know they have it.

-How do you know he's bipolar?
-Do you speak to him this way? Using those terms and making him feel small? Personally, I was offended, I am with a lot of posts that come to my homepage. He would be too.
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replied November 1st, 2011
in response:
#2 - No he does not drink. I just hear how it is common for people with bipolar to "black out" and not remember the hurtful things they say.

#7 - I believe all the stories I read online because I have gone through the SAME EXACT THING. And i know from my personal experience.

I know he is bipolar because he is in therapy and was officially diagnosed.

I didnt mean to offend anyone by using the word "they". honestly it's just easier than having to type out "person with bipolar disorder" every time.

I didn't speak to him that way. Making him feel small? But its ok that he verbally and emotionally abused me? I'm a saint next to him. I was 100x more patient, loving, and understanding than most women would have handled it.

well he's out of my life so nothing matters anymore.

But I still appreciate your feedback, thank you.
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replied November 1st, 2011
Does bipolar come with an instruction manual? My bf did all of the same things. We loving woman need to grow a back bone. Ive been dying a slow death for 4 years being bullied by my bf. We spent the summer apart, but now he realizes he loves me again. I was at his house last wkend and it apears someone was living with him for awhile. He denys it of course, but my brain is telling me different. He makes me sick! How could he play with my emotions like this? 4 years i can't get back.
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replied November 1st, 2011
my emotions were played with too. One day he loves me, then he hates me, then he loves me, then he disappears, then he comes back, then he leaves, then he wants to marry me, then he breaks up with me, then he comes back, then he leaves again.

If your bf is not getting any help (medication and therapy) then get out. that cycle will just continue.
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replied January 7th, 2012
Experienced User
This was my life, too....for 5 yrs. He recently showed up.....he'd "changed".....good words/promises....and within days, angry b/c I wouldn't just jump back in, trusting his words, he ended it AGAIN and demanded no contact from ME! It never changes.....just so sad!
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replied January 7th, 2012
Experienced User
it is so sad. I feel for you.
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Users who thank JoyceS for this post: n2kismet 

replied July 24th, 2013
kitty847 and n2kismet thats exactly what i went threw with my gf of almost year and half.She calms she wants be bestfriends when she betrayed me and emotionally abused me leaving me repeatedly and now she wants to make things right,i don't believe what she says anymore neither do i trust her she did alot things you've guys described the last we actually talked was yesterday and i told how felt about are relationship and are past she calms it wasn't her "intention" of making feel like i've been used and messing with my emotions like you've guys described,my friends and family personally think i should cut all contact from her cuz its mentally and emotionally screwed me up,and yea she said she changed or admit last month things be better between us tell this month she dumped me for no reason for 5th time.over i can relate to you guys it isn't easy i love her to death but i can't do this anymore.
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replied November 2nd, 2011
mrEinstein: If you have nothing good to say, you should not say anything at all. kitty847 was looking for answers and not insults. Apparently you have never loved someone with BP or anyone at all for that matter otherwise you would not have given the answers that you did.

kitty847 - I feel your pain and am so sorry that this is what you are up against. Be strong and know that there are other people going through some of what you are going through. Keep reading here and you will find some answers or at least a supportive environment.
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Users who thank ggpositive for this post: n2kismet 

replied November 3rd, 2011
thank you ggpositive. this board has helped me tremendously. i really appreciate everyone's help and reading all these stories helps me to understand and see that I'm not alone. I'm healing with time. I have come to accept it's over with him (still have not heard from him). doing my best to move on.

thanks!
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replied November 3rd, 2011
beasty
Hi kitty847. I may be wrong here, but it seems like you want him to come back to you. I understand what you feel, but I PROMISE you, this is a repetitive pattern that will continue. You weren't in the relationship too long, so please do your heart a huge favor and move on entirely. He will come back. I know it. My BF continues this with me and its been over 3 years almost 4. I am nearing the end, but not quite there myself. The original man I fell in love with returns for brief periods but it is not enough for a relationship. I don't think he is capable of a relationship with any one any more. Bipolar is degenerative and he is really out of sorts.

You seem like a doll of a girl. There are plenty of males out therre that would love someone like you. It is scary, but give yourself some breathing room and then put yourself out there. We all deserve love and respect. good luck!
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replied November 4th, 2011
beasty,

thank you. I kinda want him back, but only the "good side" of him that I fell in love with. That "good side" of him is gone though. I don't want him back if he is going to belittle me and play with my heart. It's like I fell in love with his good side (the way he was the first month we dated) and I can't get over that. I have to remember all the bad! And I was just hoping that he would become a lot better on medication. IF he ever does contact me I will hopefully have the strength to ignore him. But who knows? Maybe those loving feelings will never come back. And the more time I spend apart the more clear I can see the situation. I need to think with my head, not my heart.

Is you bf on medication and in therapy? I hope it all works out for you, I mean I hope he doesn't continue to hurt you. you deserve love and respect too. just stay strong, and if he isn't improving or getting help then maybe you need to find someone who can fulfil your needs. I know it's tough though when you are with someone for so long.

it's just so sad. that wonderful man just turned moody and mean and cold Sad I just need to remember I can't get that loving man back, that he will always have his mood swings.

we need to stay strong!
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replied December 16th, 2011
I have had bi polar since i was 11. i have NEVER been mean or abusive. yea i have a fierce temper and pretty quick to anger. Like anyone who is mad i can say hurtful things.But i do say sorry and make amends for the wrong doing i have done.There are times that my anger makes me blackout and i don't remember anything i said or done. meds and therapy do help but it doesn't make it 100% better.Mood swings and manic episodes are a constant battle but it takes both people to be willing to work through it. finding the right meds can take awhile. they also take time to get in your system fully.I have been in a solid relationship for two years now and it still takes work....more work than a your typical relationship.This is the place to find answers though. My finance is the one who found this site and it took her six months to get me to start posting on it. Because ANY mental problem comes with your stereo types. to me it seems like people look down on people with problems. when i go into a manic depression i just want to be alone but at the same time i cant be because i get suicidal. learning to manage your anger and realizing when it's your moods verses the other person doing wrong is the trick.
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replied January 7th, 2012
Experienced User
hi pitbull_692
thanks so much for writing. It helps a lot to hear from someone who has BP.I'm trying to figure out how much insight my husband has. Lately he has been blaming me a lot of the time for his anger.I appreciate your honesty.I'm so glad your fiance found this site:-)
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replied July 16th, 2012
Experienced User
what a honest insightful post. thanks so much for writing this.....i love your statement about managing your anger and realizing it's your moods.............sounds amazing to me.
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replied January 7th, 2012
UPDATE:

So I havn't checked this in 2-3 months? So heres a major update:
He came back. Now I **ONLY** responded to him because he was supposed to have started medication 2 month prior, SO I thought maybe he was doing better. We chatted. He said he was focused on doing better. Then he started saying how me missed me. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wasn't ready for anything serious with me. So I told him I would continue moving on and dating other men. Then he insisted on meeting and going with the flow. So I agreed to meet him and we would talk in person. He started saying that he missed me, that he "wanted to make us work", said he still had feelings. The day before we were supposed to meet I asked him what time he wanted me over. He CANCELLED. Did not apologize, and did not reschedule! So I got angry and ranted. Then after me being angry for the whole night he finally affered to reschedule. So he offered to rescheduled a week later. I had a bad feeling but I agreed to reschedule. Did't hear from him all week! So I texted him again if we were still meeting on that day AND HE TOTALLY BLEW ME OFF!!! DID NOT RESPOND!!!! I waited and waited and waited. Texted him again. NOTHING. So again I got mad and went off at him. Told him to never come back. Why come back and say all that just to disappear?

JUST NO HOPE, EVEN ON MEDS. Now I have not heard a single word from him in a month now, I mean he comes back sayng all that only to disappear? Now I'm really done with him.
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replied January 7th, 2012
Experienced User
hi kitty 847
you must have felt like you were on a roller coaster ride from hell! Stay strong.
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replied January 9th, 2012
I am so sad for you, but it does sound like it is time to move on and not go back to him. Sad Why should you spend so much emotional energy for someone who is more worried about his emotions than yours. The disappearing act does not seem to bother him. Sad Not sure how things are going with mine....we had this nice talk and all, but then he shut me out again yesterday. I did not ask why... I just accepted it. I do not know why he got ticked about me asking him to bring ice to the wedding reception but he won't talk about it, so I won't bother pushing it. *sigh*. This was yesterday. He is in a mood again today so I am just doing my own thing and waiting until he contacts me. I know he will be mad because I am not pushing to have contact with him, but I get so tired of being ignored. I send text messages and he does not respond sometimes for days...sometimes right away...depends on his mood. ugh..it gets so very old...
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replied July 24th, 2013
just looking for an update ...did he come back again ? ....and what did you do with him and what advise you can give to someone who her bipolar friend said to her never contact me in any way. does he mean that or will he be back. he blames me of course and I believe he likes me but he is so afraid of having a relationship with me, sometimes I feel he want to break my self esteem down as well.
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replied January 8th, 2012
Wow, I identify with this. Unfortunately Im 8 weeks pregnant by someone similar. He goes from saying he loves me he wants to marry me, he wants to live together to saying this isnt going to work...etc. He says hes coming over and litterally goes to a bar and doesnt tell me. I have to text him and ask him where he is and hes like...go ahead be mad! I dont care! Then he dissapears for days and doesnt go to work. Im sorry you went through this but be glad you are not in my position. I dont want an abortion but I wish I was not pregnant with this rollercoaster man!
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replied January 12th, 2012
I am sad for you in this position. I know it helps me to keep telling myself he does have a mental health issue.It is hard to sometimes because they (as in yours and mine) can be so convincing! I had a discussion..again...with my fiance last night about texting. He cares for his mother and we only get to see each other hit and miss, usually every 6 weeks. To me, texting is very important, since talking on the phone can wake up his mother...so when I think of something to say, I text him. The thing about it that frustrates me is that he turns his phone off at random times (he is also somewhat (OCD). I never know when is a good time to text him. It can be days before he sends me a text message and then he is frustrated at me because I did not send him a text!! I have to remind him to look at his phone and read through the text messages I send. Even though the phone automatically puts a time and date, I have started doing that so he can see when I send the message. I am hoping that will help. One thing I do know is that once I move in with him, after we are married, things will be so much easier because I can see his actions, moods etc...than I can figure out easier what is going on in his head. Smile Good luck!! Mine is not ready to have me move in yet either, he gets panic attacks at the thought of me being there for a week. BUT, we are still getting married. Smile
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replied January 12th, 2012
mrEinstein wrote:
It bothers me that you won't look at your own actions instead you simply point the finger at him. Relationships are a two way street. He has told you his position and feelings. Why is it so hard for you to understand? Maybe you have your own issues to deal with. You do seem awfully clingy to me. If you had more self worth his actions wouldn't effect you like this.

It is time you think about it. If it is that horrible, why would you want to pursue him the way you are? Hmmm, seems fishy to me.






Im BiPolar, self medicating, Gods meds and this answer, is brilliant! 2 kudos LOL
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replied February 21st, 2012
Experienced User
my bp boyfriend i tried to be be friends withagain after we broke up and i gave him time about 2 months and i messaged him a couple of days ago and he says sorry we cant be friends it wont work and deletes and blocks me off facebook and doesnt even give me a reason. i am so done with him. he doesnt even have the decency to give me a reason. i didnt do anything to tick him off. i have been friends with him for 5 years but obviously trying to date him after we had been friends was a mistake i should have just stayed friends but i never knew he was bipolar until we dated. i knew he had some anger issues but i thought it was just adhd
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replied May 17th, 2012
Oh my god, this explains so much, doesn't make me feel any better, doesn't fix anything, but at least it all makes sense now. Too bad I invested a lot of money as well as my heart in this guy, but at least I know it wasn't all my imagination. Thank you
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replied May 19th, 2012
KITTY847! Ive read what you posted and I understand what you're going through however you wont find what you're looking for here.I'm bipolar and I can't tell you what this guy may or may not have felt. You have to understand that dispite the disorder not all of use are prone to abussive, distructive behavior. That could have been his underline personality...or maybe you're in denial and you have a few faults of your own. Bottom line. I disagree with he who calls himself Einstein. If he were manic when you met, you may not have gotten along, you probably would have found him impulsive and childish...and if the mean behavior was due to the disorder, yes there is guilt...i pick fights with my husband when Im between moods and don't realise it and it makes me feel like crap. your best bet is to move on and hope hes doing well.
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replied June 10th, 2012
mania only...
my bp (ex) bf was manic only...not sure if anyone out there is familiar with JUST mania without the depression, it sounds slighly better than with (no direct verbal abuse unless provoked, very loving, very cuddly, very optomistic, etc) but...after 3 years...i am finally done with the make-up/ break-up cycle. he began doing this about a year ago and it has happened about 10 times over the course of 2 years. he has moved in and out of my home 3-4 times. I have an 8 year old daughter who has to watch me grieve every time, thinking it's the end, meanwhile he just goes out on these gambling sprees (and god knows what else, he claims he has been faithful but I don't belive that now) and then comes back to me when he has blown all his money. he has been sober and on meds for 10 months, but the manic/ addictive behavior has just shifted from drugs to gambling. this has been a heart wrenching 3 years and my daughter is a mess over it. It's sucks the wind out of you when your kid says, "i hope I don't end up like you two". he told her she would never see her again, and then wondered why I did not respond to his "i love you" text the following day and his request to come over and "talk" (which usually consists of him waiting for the apology that he should be giving me). we finally ended as "friends", and of course he offered me up a consolation prize of "friends with benefits" (classy guy, huh?) and I could not even respond to that humiliating request, so I am hoping his ego and pride (huge) will make him leave me alone now...he told me that he would not text, call, or "bug" me anymore and it's been a quiet week-end, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed....this has been the craziest 3 years of my life. i have never been more in love with anyone , he is such an incredibly handsome and charming man ( constant mania is so intoxicating to everyone around him), yet there are just so many unsettling behaviors, mixed messages, grandiose ideas, poor spending habits, narcassistic tendencies, poor coping strategies, inability to take responsibility for his own actions, and the list goes on and on...all I can do at this point is pray that there is a woman out there that is better equipped to deal with his bp, and is more understanding, because I recognize that I am not;(
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replied July 16th, 2012
The 2 or 3 people bashing you = Manic bp's. They love to use Stalking, clingy... Don't listen to them.

Anyways, move on, 5 months is nothing, and he probably was manic and was cheating on someone else. They damage many peoples lives. If they don't take meds, run for the hills, they are not worth it in the end.

You love when he's good? Did you ever think that he's good cuz of his bp? They are either really nice or really mean, that's the bp. People need to stop looking at it one sided.

Anyways, this was months ago, so I'm sure you moved on already. Thank God!
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replied July 25th, 2014
Mr Einstein..

You sound like you have bipolar yourself. And let's be clear, bipolar is an illness and all illness needs understanding. First and foremost, by the person who has it. And if they are in a relationship, one that both parties want to commit to, then the bipolar is a part of that relationship and both parties educate themselves and look at it in a mature way. It's not just something you're lumbered with and can't do anything to mitigate the fallout of.

I know, I have been willing to do that with my boyfriend who has bipolar. He does take his medication and can monitor the stronger mood shifts - although doesn't see the more subtle signs. He also risked drinking and taking ecstasy two weeks ago, which precipitated a very, very unstable period. Now, whose responsibility is that?

Although he agreed that education was good - and everyone, bipolar or not, has their own issues to deal with and self questioning to go through to be able to love freely - did pretty much nothing in terms of educating himself and blamed me for not sending him links for him to read. When I said that he'd told me he found it difficult to read (which I understand) (and, by the way, he will read copious amounts of writing if it's about sex) anger, irritation, etc, ensued. Now, he seemed pretty stable at the time, so I'm assuming that anger is a human defence mechanism, maybe because of guilt, I don't know - but guilt isn't only the domain of those with BP. I felt guilty!

However, I know these things take time, just as it takes time for those of us who don't have the illness to educate ourselves about our partner's behaviour patterns by being in a relationship with them, one which takes some time as it's a bit of a head wreck, to be honest. We're not all psychiatric nurses with the relevant tools to deal with this. We also need time.

People with bipolar are people FIRST, with an illness that needs managing. It's up to that individual to really take responsibility for what they have, and I'm sure it's difficult. There are many websites out there that deal with how to take steps to do this, but within a relationship, both parties need to be in on it with a hope of surviving. There are websites for that too.
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