i've been bulimic for almost two years now and i absolutely hate it. i look at myself in the mirror every single day and all i see is an unlovable, fat, ugly girl. i write about my feelings every night and it helps a little, but at the same time i'm really only talking to myself, and now i want to be heard. i dont have the confidence to talk to anyone about my eating disorder in person - i freeze up and never end up releasing the emotions that i have bottled up inside me. even right now i am apprehensive about writing this because i am afraid of seeming too dramatic, but in any case, the fact that this is veiwable to others feels good already. i want so desperately to be beautiful, and to be beautiful, (to me) is to be thin. i feel as though i will never be truly happy unless i am skinny, and as lame and as sad as it is, to be skinny is what i want most out of life right now. im not sure if i am supposed to be asking questions on this forum, but as i said before, i just want to be heard. this is my way of opening up to actual people, rather than just the screen of my laptop. for those of you taking the time to read this post i thank you for hearing me, and for those of you struggling with eating disorders, i wish you the best of luck on your quest for happiness. love<3always
Have you tried working out? I think you need to gain control over your problem, but in a different way. I think you should stay away from junk food, and eat alot of fruits and vegetables. Work out and you will start to gain control and lose weight. Losing weight is not hard, you can do it in a healthy way and you will grow stronger.
i typically either walk or run 3 miles a day, depending on the weather. i feel like i've just ruined my metabolism so much that i cant lose weight unless i dont eat. so when i do eat during the day i feel guilty and just want to throw it up, which makes me need to eat more so it's easier to throw up. is there anyway to boost metabolism so weight loss is easier? thank you for responding, it really means a lot
I was bulimic for about 5 years, but have recently recovered. I felt so alone and ashamed during that time. Something in the tone of your post reminded me of how I used to feel. It was absolutely aweful! I felt consumed by it and didn't think I would ever recover to live a life where I wouldn't constantly think about, and struggle against binging and purging.
The fact that you were able to reach out here is a step toward recovery. I think it is important to find someone you can talk about this with like your doctor and/or a therapist or even a meetup or support group. Good for you for writing down your thoughts and feelings - That probably helps you to be self-reflective.
Continuing to focus on your weight and weight loss is not going to help you in this. Allow your body to have food. Not feeding your body will slow your metabolism. Be kind to yourself. Oftentimes, bulimia is a coping strategy (a poor one, right?) for stress and is about gaining control. If you want to work out as a better coping strategy, fine. If you happen to overeat one day, it's ok! You'll see that it won't cause you to gain weight. If you happen to "fall of the wagon" and purge on your way to recovery, that's ok too - You haven't ruined anything. Be kind to yourself, it's a tough, tough thing to get over. You are certainly not alone in this.
I can't say that I don't think about or worry about my weight at all (how could you not living in this society!?), but it is no longer the focus of my life and I don't think about purging anymore (that took about a year after I considered myself recovered to completely go away). There are so many factors to account for regarding the illness and recovery so please let me know if you have any specific questions or thoughts and I'll do my best to let you know what I think based on my own experience with bulimia. I wish you well!
I did tell my family Dr. and I found a therapist around the same time. I found a community social worker (that was affordable for me) who didn't have a background in eating disorders, but was very helpful. Just talking to someone about it, and talking through many other issues with him ended up being crucial to recovering myself. It was kind of a mixed bag though at first. On one hand, I liked having the structure of appointments (because I wasn't eating or purging during those times), but on the other hand I was sort of bringing problems to the surface for myself and they were stressful which seemed to make my bulimia worse at first.
Shortly after I began therapy, I made an appointment with my family Dr. and told her what I was struggling with. I was worried about seeming too dramatic. My Dr. was of course concerned, but was not over the top in the least. She told me that many of her patients struggle with this, which I was surprised and sad to hear, and then she prescribed me antidepressants. Now, I was very, very determined that I didn't need medicine. And I was aware there are so many judgments about these sorts of medicines and people who use them, but I eventually realized that I needed it. I took the "vitamin P" for a couple of years and it really, sincerely helped me develop healthy coping strategies for myself and be more realistic about what it takes to recover.
I don't take it anymore, but I don't know that I would have recovered without it.
Ok.. Im a girl im 15 and to tell you the truth im terrified im scared and i dont want ppl to think rong of me or think i want attention wen i want help fom them so im here i just recently lost 37 pounds in like two monthes it startrd of as a diet and it sirta got from eating less to barly anything to like were i would bd starving and would eat massive amounys of food at one time .. After eating like thaf big meal i felg guilty and i would look in the mirror and still see that one hundred sixty pound girl and i purged threw up watever you call it but i just told myself it would br this onr timr theb ill stop and it wasenrt just ince now i dont eat and wen i do i wang to tgrow it up evdn ic its tge smallest thing anx i cant stop mh mom just recently cinfronted mr about my weighg loss and i lied to her evrn though she said strait up do u havd a eating dusorder i said no strait to her faicd and now i wish i wouldent oflied cause now i cabt stop and i.. Still see myself as faf mg friends swear to me im not and get upset wen i ckmplain they of worried about me though thete the only ones iv been cOmpletely honest with .. They dobt understand though .. Now it hurtsmy body hurts im tired anx its harder for me to pay attention iv also been put on antidepressions i was on them before but they got dosed up.. Its hurts wen i breath and i csn feel my heart beeating im scared i really just want somone to tell me i cant die from this so i can continue wat im doing .. I way 125 now at 5'1and a halph it may sound skinnyish but.. I still feel fat .. I look in the mirror and sed me the way thaf ppl dint see me .. Im scared though and although iv tryed suicide twice jm scared oc .. Dying and there od sime days wen j say screw dyen i dye haloy and skinny ir fat and ugly.. Really i jusf want to or need to know sumthing??
I know it's really tough to talk to people about this! You mentioned that you don't want people to think wrong of you, or to think you want attention...I understand that feeling. It is hard to ask for, and rely on others for help. Could you re-visit the topic with your Mom? And let her know that you said you didn't have a problem at first, but really you were afraid to mention it for the reasons you named?
It sounds like your Mom is aware there may be something going on and she is concerned, and would help you.
If you can't talk to your Mom, is there someone at school, like a school counselor who could guide you?
From my own experience, I know that eating disorders are difficult to face, and take time to get over. I also got scared when I would feel heart palpitations. Because I was depriving myself of nutrition for years, I too had trouble paying attention and cognitive problems developed. It seems like you are aware that this is happening to you. At 15, I want to tell you that your brain is still developing. This is an especially hard time and I want you to know that it will pass. Not overnight of course, but it will and I want you believe that.
For now, just be kind to yourself and ask if your Mom, or someone at school can set you up with a councilor. Try to have foods like Salmon, or other fish, or take Omega 3 vitamins. These are good for your brain and your heart.
I think it's important to tell the Dr. who put you on antidepressants because I think some antidepressants can make these problems worse sometimes. They did for me at first! Also, on your road to recovery, you will have relapses. If you tell yourself "It's the last time," don't be hard on yourself if it turns out not to be.
If you have any specific questions, please ask and I will be honest and open with you.
Thx:)and iv tried to quit iv actully havent thrown up in a week but to tell you thd truth i want to soo bad iv stoped and i dont no if this us normal but just beneathr my stomach and sometolimes my stumach it hurts and it rumbles not like hungry rumble its just like a sound and i can hear it.. It feels weird and my stinach just has been idk iv been trying i feel fattrr. Then ever rihgt now like i feel bloated constantly and its not tom yet.. I feel FAT! And i want to throw up so bad i told my sister not my mom im still trying yo get the curage to but now everytime i go to takd a shower my sister makes sure shez in there she thinks i dont noticd we share a bathroom everytime she comes in she claims to need to flayyen her hair od brush her teeth i went from throwingnup in the toilet to the shower but like u saud i just recebtly stoped im seriuodly right niw debating wether irnot i should go and continue because my sister usent gunna be gere to stop
Me im scared after the last few times i threwup i felt weak abd lkke wen i would go to get up i would black out not actully but just cant see fir a minut os that normal .. Along eith feeling twice as fat as i was before?? Also i just now tasted the first pop iv had in a while and wen i takd a sip as soon as it hits mh mouth it fizzes up like bad and all i can taste is fiz is that normal?? Also i brush my teath everytime i dk it but i dont think its working that well alsi how do i get rid of the bad breath..