Have you tried working out? I think you need to gain control over your problem, but in a different way. I think you should stay away from junk food, and eat alot of fruits and vegetables. Work out and you will start to gain control and lose weight. Losing weight is not hard, you can do it in a healthy way and you will grow stronger.

i typically either walk or run 3 miles a day, depending on the weather. i feel like i've just ruined my metabolism so much that i cant lose weight unless i dont eat. so when i do eat during the day i feel guilty and just want to throw it up, which makes me need to eat more so it's easier to throw up. is there anyway to boost metabolism so weight loss is easier? thank you for responding, it really means a lot

I was bulimic for about 5 years, but have recently recovered. I felt so alone and ashamed during that time. Something in the tone of your post reminded me of how I used to feel. It was absolutely aweful! I felt consumed by it and didn't think I would ever recover to live a life where I wouldn't constantly think about, and struggle against binging and purging.

The fact that you were able to reach out here is a step toward recovery. I think it is important to find someone you can talk about this with like your doctor and/or a therapist or even a meetup or support group. Good for you for writing down your thoughts and feelings - That probably helps you to be self-reflective.

Continuing to focus on your weight and weight loss is not going to help you in this. Allow your body to have food. Not feeding your body will slow your metabolism. Be kind to yourself. Oftentimes, bulimia is a coping strategy (a poor one, right?) for stress and is about gaining control. If you want to work out as a better coping strategy, fine. If you happen to overeat one day, it's ok! You'll see that it won't cause you to gain weight. If you happen to "fall of the wagon" and purge on your way to recovery, that's ok too - You haven't ruined anything. Be kind to yourself, it's a tough, tough thing to get over. You are certainly not alone in this.

I can't say that I don't think about or worry about my weight at all (how could you not living in this society!?), but it is no longer the focus of my life and I don't think about purging anymore (that took about a year after I considered myself recovered to completely go away). There are so many factors to account for regarding the illness and recovery so please let me know if you have any specific questions or thoughts and I'll do my best to let you know what I think based on my own experience with bulimia. I wish you well!

thank you so much for your response, it really honestly is appreciated and very helpful. how did you recover? did you have to tell a doctor or talk to a therapist?

I did tell my family Dr. and I found a therapist around the same time. I found a community social worker (that was affordable for me) who didn't have a background in eating disorders, but was very helpful. Just talking to someone about it, and talking through many other issues with him ended up being crucial to recovering myself. It was kind of a mixed bag though at first. On one hand, I liked having the structure of appointments (because I wasn't eating or purging during those times), but on the other hand I was sort of bringing problems to the surface for myself and they were stressful which seemed to make my bulimia worse at first.

Shortly after I began therapy, I made an appointment with my family Dr. and told her what I was struggling with. I was worried about seeming too dramatic. My Dr. was of course concerned, but was not over the top in the least. She told me that many of her patients struggle with this, which I was surprised and sad to hear, and then she prescribed me antidepressants. Now, I was very, very determined that I didn't need medicine. And I was aware there are so many judgments about these sorts of medicines and people who use them, but I eventually realized that I needed it. I took the "vitamin P" for a couple of years and it really, sincerely helped me develop healthy coping strategies for myself and be more realistic about what it takes to recover.

I don't take it anymore, but I don't know that I would have recovered without it.