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Q: Brother issues

asked by: coliejo on May 15th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

My borther is 17, I am 18.I am 1 year and 1 day oler than my brother and we have never realy got along, but very well, but lately has been terrible! This might be kind of long so sorry but bear with me, i need any advice I can get please.

I have always been "the good child" and he has been the "bad child" I was good in school, he was not, basically we are polar opposites. He has been hanging out with the wrong people for as long as I can rememeber but since last summer, the people he has been hanging out with were worse than the rest, he has got 2 or 3 ( i cannot rememeber) MIP's since last october, he has a domestic violence charge against him on my stepmom (it didnt really ahppen though, thats another long story, too) he has served a few weekends in jail and a week over spring break. he is always running away and telling my dad he is at my moms and vice versa. That is just a little background, in a very short way.

So this last friday he went to his probation officers and failed his drug test and spent the weekend in jail, now he has 4 weekends in jail. last night, he told my mom he would be home late and when he got home he said dad knew where he was and he was living with his friend who lives by the school. This morning when my dad showed up to take him to school, he was not here. my dad and mom talked and decided to call his probation officer and so now he has a bench warrent for his arrest.

But it gets better, last night while he was at his friends he gave my brother a tattoo from a homemade tattoo gun!! his teacher called and said she hasnt seen it but some kids ratted on him. now his whole arm is infected and he is running a fever, my dad is taking him to the er tonight and then he will be going to jail. My mom is so upset by all this she has been crying all day and had 2 seisures already today. my parents do not know what to do anymore, they cannot figure out where they went wrong.

does anyone have any suggestions on what they could possibly do to help him? anything we can do we are willing to try... does anyone have any similar stories or have had troubles like this in the past?

Replies(13)

Rosie H

replied on May 15th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Wow sorry to hear about your brother. I have had my share of crazy siblings. My sis and brother are like your brother. Sadly there isnt much you can do but love him and be there for him. Try to participate in any therapy or rehabilitation the jail and probabtion offers him. After that its up to him.

But why is he like this? Does he do drugs? Did your father or mother do anything to him as a child? Was he abused? Does he think you are the favorite? Is he jealous of you? Does he need attention? How was your childhood together? Most of the time this behavior starts somewhere. Something drives him to rebel. But other times the bad behaviors come out of nowhere.

Once you find out why he does the things he does you will know more about how to help him.

coliejo

replied on May 16th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

He does do drugs, i thought just weed but my mom told me the other day he does all sorts of pills too, and who knows what else. he was never abused as a child and my parents treated us very much alike, no special treatment for either of us. I think he might be a little jealous of me because tehre are teacher who tell him i was there favorite student ever and he will never be, etc. I didnt think he needed attention, but maybe he does. we didnt really get along when we were little, we would play together but we fought more than we played.

Maddie34

replied on May 19th, 2008

Moderator

Have you ever talk to him about things? Just because you haven't been close in the past doesn't mean you can't be close now right.

Let him know you're worried about him and that you care.

coliejo

replied on May 20th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

When i talk to him, he just gets mad and yells at me. Oh, na djust an update, his tattoo was not infected it was fine but when he went to jail to serve one of his weekends, they told him about the bench warrant. his in jail until june 17th now. it maybe the best place for him at this point

Maddie34

replied on May 20th, 2008

Moderator

Well, what does he say when he yells at you? What pills is he taking? Does he have an addiction to anything? He needs to get professional help.

Fairy Godmother

replied on May 20th, 2008

Supporter

Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother

Hi Sweetie, first and foremost............you parents do not need to take any blame. We do out best to raise children, the ydo not come with instructions. THere is no one to blame except your brother. He has a problem. This is gonna sound awful, but I am honest and sometiems too blunt.....jail is hte BEST place for him at this minute. He can't at least smoke any weed or pop any pills........or worse meth or ICE. He can't hang around the wrong corwd becuase he is isolated.....maybe this will be a wake up call ot him. My heart goes out to your parents. I have a daughter who will turn 25 this year. She herself graduated with honors. was on scholarship for college, got mixed up with the wrong crowd, smoked pot and strung out on meth. Lost her scholarship, quit school, spent her entire savings account, totaled her car, did not have a job and stayed from freind to firend for almost 2 years. All that time, whne I'd try to call her to talk to her, she'd put up this same defense mode and get all hateful to me. I was only trying to offer help. But she would not listen. Long story short.....she;s been clean almost 3 years now. Has a life....has a job and starts back to school this fall. NO more drugs, no more loosers, and finally realizes her family and true friends are what matter in this life. Your brother will have to figure this out on his own. Have your parents considered a boot camp type place? Keep us posted and hope things turn out better for you!

Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: coliejo

coliejo

replied on May 20th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

thank you all so much, i am glad you daughter got straightened out fairy godmother! And yes, i know jail is the best place for him at this point, maybe he will learn something

yeah they have tryied to look fo rbook camps for him, but we do not have the money for things like that.

Fairy Godmother

replied on May 20th, 2008

Supporter

Me Again

Hey sweet girl, I understand about the financial burden part. That is one of the reasons I never had my daughter sent away or at least sent somewhere for couseling to regain her composure. Have your parents contact family and children services in your area and tell them you situation. Someone has to know of something somewhere that can help your brother. I do hope he will come to his senses and realize what a wonderful family he has........take care!

coliejo

replied on May 20th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

thank you so much, i didnt even know that family and child services would do anything like that, i will look into it! i really really appreciate you help!

Fairy Godmother

replied on May 21st, 2008

Supporter

Always here to try to help if I can! HUGS!

coliejo

replied on May 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

yeah you are and I always appreciate it! so, i just found out, due to some over-crowding, my brother is getting out of jail today! I dont think this is a good thing for him, but i guess it is better than having a bunch of people on the streets with violent crimes

Beline

replied on May 31st, 2008

Supporter

Give us an update, Nicole. How are you guys doing?

coliejo

replied on June 2nd, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

We are doing alright, he is trying to stay out of trouble because he knows if he doesnt he will be in jail this time for a very long time. He is still serving his weekends in jail for now and he sees his probation officer again in about i week i think so i will know mor ethen

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