Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

broken up? is he a coward or am i just stupid?

we had been in a relationship for over 4 yrs, never lived together but the last time i have seen my so called bf was over 3 weeks ago. we had been bickering for a week because i had been told he had been spending time with another woman. he claimed it was a lie, there is no other woman and that the person who told me was just trying to break us up.

he has been distant for while now and also this person also told me that he has been telling people all summer that he was no longer with me and that he was single. but he didnt tell me or his family...they are just in the dark as i am.

after i was told about this other woman he ignored me for 3 days, when he finally came over i asked him why he wouldnt contact me right away after he found out i was told this and he claimed he was devastated. at this point i said to him that if he didnt see a future with me or he just didnt feel the same way toward me that he could just say so. he said there was nobody else and he only wanted to be with me.

when he left that day, he ignored me for another 2 days...that is the last day that i have spoken to him. i am not sure what is going on...he is a 46 yr old man and he knows i have been through sooo much.

i ve been widowed twice leaving me to raise 3 children alone. my family support system is not in place as there is too much dysfunction. i have wonderful friends but i cant dominate their time just crying and trying to figure this all out.

i know i have only mentioned the last 3 weeks here but i am struggling with how things were left hanging with no regard for my life or feelings. if i could get some insight, advice or any words of wisdom to help me to move on quicker

thanks so much
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replied September 27th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm not sure how coward or stupid enters into this. You heard a rumor, he denied it and his feelings are hurt. You can believe him or them and that's really all there is to it. It's a matter of trust, if you don't trust him there is no relationship, if you do then there is no point in worrying about things.
The fact that you're not talking isn't helping any aspect of the situation. Call him now. Ask him if the two of you are still in a relationship and if you are tell him you guys need to get together sort this out and stop acting like children. Seriously, when you love someone you work with them to solve problems.
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replied October 1st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
i agree with wolf, you need to know for sure if this relationship is what he wants and if he says yes then you need to ask him why he feels the need to come and go as he pleases and choose when to speak to you or not tell him that it is suppose to be an equal relationship and it isnt at the moment with what he is doing..good luck..jenny
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replied October 27th, 2009
Supporter
when i was in my 20's and pregnant my b/f at the time told me he made it in his mind that we didnt go together....so he didnt say anything to me.
yes he is a coward!!!!!

do not be confused about his absence, it does sound like he have someone else but afraid to tell you.
time heals a broken heart and i know you will be okay. he needs to be a man and tell you what's going on with him.
as hard as this maybe try to focus on something else.
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replied October 28th, 2009
If he loves you, you would know it without a doubt, right? Would you do the same to him if the situation was reversed? Sounds like he's looking and just keeping you hanging on as back-up. Don't you deserve better than that? And your friends might get tired of hearing how your hurting, but hopefully they will do they're best to be there to cry on their shoulder.
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replied October 28th, 2009
Supporter
i am a supporter of this website and i try my best to help people that are brokenhearted. i've been a supporter for almost a year with helping people.

i m sorry you had to go through that!

it sounds like this guy is playing games, this guy is always m.i.a and that is really suspicious to me. i do believe that you need to have a serious talk with him, you deserve some answers.
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replied November 6th, 2009
Hi...It is not always as simple as that! Bahaviour is motivated by a need. In your case (or his) I am not sure what that need is. People also behave differently when faced with a situation. What I am trying to say is, the simple answer would be that there is someone else, but that may not be the case. You know this man. You know his background. He could very well just be a coward - running away from his feelings. Maybe your relationship progressed to a level that he is not ready to deal with. Trust your instinct - you will know.
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replied November 11th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with serviceu and friendlygoose...you just need to listen to your heart..you say you have been hurt before so you definatly dont wanna be there again..Jenny
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replied November 13th, 2009
Experienced User
He sounds like a coward to me. He seems like he would prefer to avoid it all, instead of addressing it. I think he would have fully addressed it with you in a more emotional way, if there was nothing to it. Some people are like this, and know this: They cannot be trusted.
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