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Broken up for 6 months - my ex still tells me he wants to marry

Hi,

Basically, we've been broken up for 6 months. I honestly thought we would be back together by now. I have tried to not contact him at all, but every month or less, he would send me an email or a text message. He says I'm still his best friend, and that he still loves me very much and can't go on a day without thinking about me. but he also says he isnt ready to be in a relationship with me again. His step-sister recently had a baby. He took me to see them when his niece was born. He told me in a couple of years he hopes him and I will have our own child together, and that he brought me to see them because he still loves me and still considers me a part of the family, and because we will have our own family in the future. He says in his heart of hearts he wants us to have a baby and share a life with me. However, right now he has to "re-establish" his life. I should also tell you that despite what he says to me, he still goes on "dates" with other girls. I also know he invites other girls out to have drinks with him. So you can tell how confused I am. Should I even believe what he says? I spent the night at his house the other day, I thought he was going to sleep on the couch like he said, but instead crawled in bed with me when he got home. He didn't try to sleep with me, but me being less disciplined, tried to. He refused and said he didn't want to hurt me because he wants to leave the door open for the future. But eventually we did and stopped right away because I started crying. I don't know what to think. He says he needs to find and learn to accept himself and make something of himself first before he can be in a relationship again and that I broke his heart and is himself trying to heal. He is my best friend, and I love him sooo much and miss him. But I don't want to be taken in as a fool. I don't know if he thinks he's just giving me a piece of bone so I would stay and take him back just in case he doesn't find someone else. But for him to say he wants to have a child with me and still share a life with me.....well, that's pretty low if his intentions are not honourable. Tell me what you think please. Obviously I have deep emotions invested, so I can't always see the obvious. Also, before we broke up, we were in a 10 year relationship, a very long time. And despite what he says about marriage and all, he says there is no guarantee what the future holds just like there is no guarantee we will still be alive tomorrow, but that this is what his heart wants.

He says he wants to rebuild our friendship again...we had a life-altering fight, that was the reason for our break-up.

Should I cut off all ties and let him go and be free until he "finds" himself again? Or should I go along with "rebuilding" our friendship? Or should I just completely ignore him, move on and start healing myself?

Thanks!!
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replied September 13th, 2011
I'm sorry m'dear but it sounds like he is keeping you as a "plan B". I've encountered a male like that before whom I befriended and loved as a person but couldn't keep his hands to himself when I was not around BUT wanted to have a family with me. It was very hard to do but I ended it and believe me, it was the best choice. You can do sooo much better as a person. Don't let yourself be second best. Always be first as it should be!!
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