Well ive been going out with this girl for
awhile now and i never knew i could feel
this way again. My first love broke my
heart into millions of pieces but the
healing process i had after we broke up
was hard, unbearable, and caught me off
guard. Cause I met this girl (the one
that ive been dating) and she helped me
through it and built me up. She was the
one i turned to and did what she could to
help. Then i realized she was the one so
i focused my energy on her and then we
fell in love, and i fell hard. She was a
breath of fresh air. So, we had our
differences and problems and i admit that
i could of handled things differently.
She didnt like some things i did so i
wanted to make changes to help us out, so
i compromised on a couple of things. She
wouldnt of been with me if i didnt and i
knew i had to stop cause thats how much
she means to me.
So, about a month ago, when we were
arguing and fighting over something small
like usual, she said she needed a break
and to give her space. It was hard to
take but I did it for her. Then like
about a week into the break, she texted me
and got mad at me for "not doing anything
and not coming after her." I told her im
trying to give her what she wanted. Then
i realized damn why didnt i do anything,
would that of meant we would be together
if i tried to get her back? Then we
talked and we agreed to take it slow until
we worked things out and just to take it
slow..... that didnt really happen....
We still did the same things but it was
just different. Like we werent together
but we were, i dont know. Then we went
out to eat like a week and a half ago and
she asked me why i dont say i love her
anymore like usual. And i told her cause
i dont want to get my hopes up but just
casue i dont say it doesnt mean i dont.
(i used to say it all the time and she
even told me) so now im confused about
what she said. but then the shocker came
when she said i think we are doing good,
and i said i think we are too. And it was
great when she said that cause i was like
damn i really love this girl.
But 2 days after that she got mad cause i
usually text her in the morning before i
go to work just to say good morning but i
was running late, it was a friday and work
is crazy, and just didnt get around to it.
She calls me at work and i took a break
and answered my phone. and i was excited
she called. She said why didnt u text me
and i said stupidly, i forgot. And then i
heard the dial tone..... She got pissed
and said why would you say you forgot to
text your girlfriend. I said im sorry
like 10 times, called left a message,
texts... everything... Then i got off of
work and she had work so i called her work
and said dont be mad, just call me after
you get off and we will hang out and she
said ok. So she usually gets off at 830
and she told me it was going to be busy so
i thought i will give her until 9 to call
and 930 rolls around and she didnt call.
then 1015 comes around and i called her.
i said where are you, she replied at my
friends, and i said why didnt you call me
when you got off, and she said "oo i
forgot." i took that as a slap in the
face cause i didnt mean to not text her.
i got upset about taht and we didnt talk
for about aday. and then it went down
hill. she is done she said and she is not
in love with me but still loves me. now
she says she will never go out with me
again and i said was it cause of the no
text, and she said no it was everything
and she said she fell out of love awhile
back. Im stuck right now and like
broken.... I dont want to lose her and
cant stop thinking about her and thinking
of ways to get her back. She means the
world to me, we talked about our future
and everything. and She keeps telling me
we are done and ill be fine, and stop
thinking about it and lets move on. And
the dagger was that she said im not the
one and there is someone else out there
that will treat her better then me.
sorry its long but anything could help me
out right now, especially a girl's
perspective.
|
DeseRAE
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 28 Location: North Bonneville, WA United States
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-23-08 23:22pm
I would suggest just backing off. I know
it's hard but it's really the best thing
to do right now. If it was meant to be or
she does truly love you, it'll work out.
Maybe leaving her alone for a few days
will help her realize that she does want
to be with you. But if not, you just have
to move on.
I was with a guy for a year, we had a bad
break up, but I didn't try to get back
with him. HE started trying to get ahold
of me less then a week later. What he did
was horrible, and it's a long story that I
won't get into, so I talked to him but
wouldn't take him back no matter how bad I
wanted to. Eventually after nearly a year
we got back together and have been
together since. So you never know.
I wish you the best and hope it all works
out!
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 06-24-08 11:49am
i agree with DeseRAE...I think you should
back off and take a break...you've been
chasing her and it seems like the first
thing you mess up on shes ready to jump on
you for it, shes playing games with you it
seems and that really isn't fair to you at
all...just cut off contact with her...bc
I'm sure she loves the fact that you're
texting and calling and trying to get back
with her..shes said no..if she really
means that then..she means it and really
nothing will change that(for now
anyway)...but, if she still has feelings
for you..let HER get ahold of you...you've
been trying too hard and putting too much
into this to let her drag you around and
treat you the way she does...SHE said she
wanted a break...you respected that, and
she got upset bc you didn't chase her???
sounds like she has some growing up to do
and you deserve better...maybe in the
future you two will speak again and get
back together..you never know..but i agree
that right now the best thing to do is to
take a break, go hang with the boys..have
a good time, do guy things!
|
msyoga
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 11
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
Broken into pieces Posted: 06-24-08 12:10pm
i feel your pain, but sometimes you have
to let it go and move on and if comes back
to you then it's yours. i myself been
broken lots of time, you live and learned
from your mistakes. if wasn't for my kids
17 & 7yrs old i will be in a such a
mess. i was married for 16 yrs and for a
long time my husband always had his way.
and i was the perfect wife, work m-f and
take care of the kids and him of course.
But he took me for granted, think i will
always be there no matter what he does, he
has drinking problems, he's theory is he
pays the bills, take care of the family,
and if he want's to party he can when ever
he wants. To me partying gets old
especially when i work 40hrs a week and
last thing i wanna do when i come is
party. Basically he told that i can't say
nothing about his business, so i took my
kids and left. financially i'm hurting
untill the support kicks in, but i feel so
much relief, i can come and just worry
about my kids. You should enjoy your life
and don't let no one brings you down.
Good luck and there's plenty of girls out
there...
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 06-25-08 10:33am
I wanted to say thank you for the replies.
I forgot my password so i had to make a
new username, its almost the same. Well
these past couple days have been alittle
to much to handle sometimes. It seems
like we are doing the same things as
before but me pushing the envelope more to
see her then she does to me. Last night I
saw her and couldnt get over the fact that
we arent together. I just start thinking
about her and how i might never be with
her again. My mind is in to many places
and I cant grasp which one to go with.
But back to last night. I dont like doing
it but I started to get emotional with her
and she said why cant we just be friends,
and i would rather have you as my best
friend then nothing at all. She always
says o you will be fine and i shouldnt
make it harder then it needs to be. Am i
weird for thinking the things i do? I
started to think though with your advice
you people gave me and just give her her
space. Like I dont want to be mean to her
or make her think that i dont want to be
with her, but i need to put up a fence
cause i dont like feeling that she is
hurting me. And i have been thinking to
that who wants to love someone that says,
"i love you but im not in love with you."
We will have to see and i would appreciate
if anyone believes this is a good idea and
how about giving her time? and the one
thing is that she says she still wants to
see me everyday and hangout and stuff, but
tahts why im mixed up. thanks
|
msyoga
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 11
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
Posted: 06-25-08 11:14am
absolutely, you can still be friends and
not be with each other. sometimes its much
better that way. my ex- and i gets along
so much better now that were not together.
And that's what i been missing all this
time, with work, kids and life you forget
why you are together to begin with, and
when you been with someone for a
lonnnngggg time they do take you for
granted. i just feel so much more relief
now, i dont have to worry about always
trying to please him, make him happy.
it's all about me now and my kids. I
suggest you do something for your self,
keep your self busy, hang out with
friends, family, it will keep your mind of
her. hang out with her once in great
while. Don't always make your self
available when she want's you and i bet
you she will want you more, knowing that
your life doesn't revolve on her.
if you don't mind asking how old are you?
" there's a lot fish on sea" and you'll
catch one anytime. take care
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 06-26-08 14:51pm
you giving her space is good but maybe you
should get YOUR space...i understand you
still want to see her and being friends is
a good idea, if you can manage that...but
make sure you give yourself time to
heal...if you keep hanging out with her in
hopes of getting back together you're only
going to set yourself up for
dissappointment...maybe distance from her
would be good, but if you dont feel like
you need that and you are ready to move
forward with a FRIENDSHIP..then by all
means go for it, i just personally think
that after a break up like that I would
probably need alittle bit of time to cope
|
Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-27-08 08:30am
Hey! I moslty just skimmed threw you
post, so i hope i didnt miss anything
important, but 1st of all, i just want to
tell you, you shouldnt have to change
yourself for anyone in the first place.
If she dosnt like who you are, then o
well, she will either get over it or not
be with you. Thats just how i see it.
Also wanted to tell you, i know what you
mean.... I was going threw a bad break up
about 6 months ago and one of my guy
friends was always there for me and
everything and I ended up falling in love
with him. We was together for a little
while, but tunred out he had really
sugercoated himself, cause the real him
was a big time jerk and I ended up being
in more pain then i started out with. You
just have to be careful, you deserve
better and deserve to be happy.....
Hope i was some help!
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 06-27-08 17:34pm
Thanks for the replies. I do need to give
myself space. We jsut had a arguement
last night so I think im just going to
keep my distance, as hard as that may be.
Ive been doing alot of thinking and trying
to be as mature as i can with her. she
wants to "just be friends" so i have been
trying. Then she just switches stuff
around and makes me feel like i should be
more like her boyfriend. I told her im
just confused and i dont know what she
wants me to do. Then nicely she said im
psycho. so there has just been more
problems. It hurts to hear somethings she
says but like now im like whatever. screw
it. I love her to death but its pathetic
how everything boils down to what i do, or
sorry what i dont do. Its going to be
hard but im going to try. any suggestions?
And how do i go by giving us space?
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 06-28-08 00:32am
like i said earlier go out with the boys
and have a good time..dont call or text
her, if she wants to text you thats fine
but let her contact you, just leave her
alone for a while...if she starts
switching stuff around just be blunt about
it..ask her what she wants and tell her to
stop acting like you two are more than
just friends bc thats too hard for you to
deal with...honestly, it just sounds like
shes having her way with you..which isn't
fair..she wants whats best for her at the
time..and its selfish, playing with
anyones emotions is NOT something to mess
with, i completely understand how you
feel, i had a guy do this to me on and off
for a while..he'd tell me he loved me in a
drunken confession..can't tell you how
many times he asked me to be his gf..and
then the next day he'd pretend like
nothing happened...like we're just friends
and thats all he wants..HE wanted what was
convenient for him at the time..and
honestly..idk how long you've been putting
up with it..but i got tired of waiting
around on him to figure out what it was he
wanted..and i got tired of being a
convenience...you need to move on with
your life, and until she can stop being
selfish and figure out what it is she
wants..i say go have your
fun..seriously...who knows maybe she'll
realize what shes missing out on..but stop
being so convenient!!! and dont give in
anymore when she tries to give you a guilt
trip...throw it back at her..this is what
SHE wanted..SHE wanted to be friends..
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 06-30-08 10:27am
Wow, that hit it right on the head with
how i feel. This past saturday i was
hanging out with a couple of my friends
taht i havent hungout with in awhile and
it was the ones she doesnt like but thats
all i got and they have been there
forever. So having a good time but still
thinking of her i didnt text her or call
her or anything just kept my distance.
Then all of a sudden she texts me asking
"where are you." and i straight up told
her who i was with. I knew it would piss
her off and it did but then she just went
off. my intensions are not to piss her
off but it happened. This just escaladed
to something more than i expected and it
has been on my mind since saturday. She
is being selfish and unreasonable right
now. And i thought giving her her space
she wanted would open her eyes up but it
didnt, just made it worse. This is by far
the hardest thing to get through,
especially when all i think about is her.
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 06-30-08 14:21pm
pretty much it sounds to me like, she
doesn't want to be with you for now
anyway..but she wants you to sit around
and sulk about it and think about her and
be lonely and not do anything
else...hmm...selfish much?...yes!...don't
let her give u a guilt trip! you have
absolutely NO reason to hold back for
her..and shes angry because she knows
you've realized that and shes losing her
control over you, good for getting out!
Don't feel bad about her being upset about
it at all! You have no obligation to her
whatsoever!
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 06-30-08 17:15pm
I know i tried not to let it get to me but
I always get mixed feelings on different
days and different times of the day. Like
this morning I felt upset about it and
stuff, but now im like whatever, screw
this. Love is a weird thing but I have to
try and not let this get to me. She is
just munipulative and I just need to be
more mature about it and try to let it go,
even though it kills. Damn this sucks
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 06-30-08 20:40pm
i agree...love can be very confusing...but
just always remember to put you first...i
really hope things work out for the best
for you(with or without her), and just
remember..her loss is someone elses gain!
i'm sure you'll find yourself another girl
if you just give it time..you seem like a
good guy and you dont deserve to be
treated the way you have been
stick up for yourself!
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 07-01-08 15:46pm
Thank you for the advice, it helps alot.
I appreciate it.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 07-03-08 09:44am
Hon she is not worth your time, she seems
very insecure, she wants to be with you
but she doesn't.
I understand that part, Its like I want
you around till I get better but I finally
changed my mentality, rebounds are really
bad~!
In regard to you, its going to take a few
times but then you will realize how
enjoyable life is, it sounds like you need
to work on yourself and you are allowed to
take! I love being with my friends, they
give me another sense but I also like
being alone and doing my own thing, I have
gotten to a point where I am somewhat
happy but desire more, something a
relationship doesn't satisfy.
You dont need a woman who will drag you
down, then sit there and rip into you, its
not fair, my on/off relationship partner
does that and I have finally put an end to
it, I feel almost amazing minus the part I
still live here but thats another
discussion.
I highly suggest looking into something
you truly enjoy doing, something that
makes you happy besides her, then you
learn that you dont need her but you enjoy
her company.
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 07-08-08 15:53pm
Thank you diamondsz. I do need to take
time for myself but it seems like i creep
back or she does now. Its weird. So I
have been taking it easy lately but seeing
her quite a bit. But I have been thinking
how bad it is cause i still dont know if i
can be "just friends." She keeps telling
me that and now im confused about this
situation. She doesnt like one of my
friends who doesnt do things she likes and
never has but he has been somewhat of my
brother. Since i started to date her me
and him never really hungout cause she
didnt like him. So as i said before i
hungout with my friends and she knew.
Now, i said im going to hangout with
mike,my close friend, she says dont cause
if you do i wont talk to you anymore,
Iwont have anything to do with you. I
said why, and she said casue as one of
your good friends i dont want you to
hangout with him. I told her thats like
trying to control me and its bull. So im
stuck now with that. Iwant to talk to her
but i want to get my mind off of her and
hangout with my friends. I just think she
thinks i will go back to what mike does
and be how i used to be but i dont want
to. So any advice would be appreciated.
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 588 Location: ,
Thanks: 52
Thanked:6
Posted: 07-09-08 00:24am
If Mike is a bad influence then you
probably shouldn't hang out with him,
however that should be your judgement call
and not hers..and if she says she'll
"never talk to you again" maybe thats for
the best bc it seems like every time she
opens her mouth its something controlling
or confusing and its really just
unnecessary drama that you don't need to
deal with you know?
|
Mikolas
Supporter
Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 597 Location: Buffalo University, Hands off! My trained killer kitten has its aim set upon you!
Thanks: 17
Thanked:1
Posted: 07-09-08 01:37am
I agree with worrywart's comments in
particular.
A few things I'd like to add, that most
everybody pretty much implied or said, she
seems to be pretty insecure and an
immature control freak. You should give
yourself and her some space, talk things
over perhaps about what needs to be done,
and what she needs to change, because she
is obviously just trying to test and play
games with you. It's dirty really, she
tells you one thing, pretty much analyze
what you do in response, and then if she
doesn't like it, she criticizes you for
being such a mess up. Manipulative girl,
probably the worst kind of girl out there
in my opinion because you can never get a
straight answer out of them and pretty
much end up always wondering what is her
true motive once you catch on to her. Not
a relationship you want to stick around
with.
More importantly, something I think people
forgot to mention here, and from my
experiences, it needs to be said, don't
give up your friends for any girl. While
yes, a girlfriend is somebody that you can
depend on in many ways your friends cannot
provide for you, a girl is just that, a
girl. As somebody above stated, there are
many fish in the sea, truthfully, even
just statistically, you can find another
girl just as good or even better in the
future if you tried. Your friends, are
always there for you, and have been there
for you before she was. To toss all those
memories, and their loyalty for some girl
who controls you and takes you away from
them, is nothing more then an insult and
an act of dishonor on your part. If she is
gone, who will you turn to then, the
friends that you ditched? I knew many,
particularly ex-lady friends, who spent so
much into their relationship that they
forget about their friends, and then are
left with nobody to turn to when they
break up.
I don't know if you have experienced it,
but it really does hurt being that friend
to somebody that you knew far longer then
that evil gf/bf, and yet they get so
caught up thinking they are "in love" and
fades away from you despite everything you
have done for them. Not to mention the
irony of it all when all of a sudden they
try hanging out/talking with you again
after they break up. It makes one such a
person, quite bitter.
Get away from that drama queen and wait
for her to hopefully grow up a little.
|
Everydaylife
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 07-15-08 18:29pm
Well alittle up date about whats been
happening with this whole situation. We
went out to eat last wednesday and it
wasnt good at all. The issue about me
hanging out with mike and my friends came
up and she totally flipped a health forum
and said if you hangout with them I will
never talk to you, and i said thats stupid
you cant control me anymore with that and
I cant control what I do with them. So
she got mad and I talked to my friends
about this stuff to and the fact I cant
seem to truely get over it, and they said
just give her her space like she wants and
she will eventually see what she is doing
and could come back. So thats what I have
been doing and i have been hanging out
with my friends. I came to the
realization I dont need to look needy or
throw my back into something that isnt
healthy for me. So im trying this out,
just to get myself healthier and try to
move on, and if she comes back then she
will, i already tried to make the effort
for 3 weeks and im done.
So, yesterday was pretty tough cause we
usually do things on mondays and this was
the first one we havent even talked on,
but i wasnt going to text her or call.
Then i get a text message saying I miss
you. This was the first text in about 5
days and i said miss you, then she said
why do you act like you dont care, then I
said casue im giving you what you said you
wanted and trying to respect the decision
you made. Adapting to the change. She
said okay, then I said how are you doing,
she said okay, then i said thats good to
hear. I wanted to make small talk but
nothing that would make her think that I
was doign all the talking....
So after that, like 2 hours later she
texts me and cusses and asks me if im
hanging out with my my friends and she
wont talk to me again. I told her how
could you say that after you say you miss
me.... she said cause i wont talk to you
and i told her i have and i have the right
to cause it shouldnt matter. Then she
just went off saying that the people she
hangs out with now make fun of me and my
friends and she said that she wishes she
never went out and the next boyfriend she
has she wont admit she went out with me
cause its embarrassing. Its really
immature and i told her im not going to
get into this with you so i was trying to
have a mature conversation with you but i
guess you cant so i cant have this in my
life right now, and she said fine dont
talk to me. I said alright bye. so am i
doing the right thing? Like i want her to
fricken see what she is doing and how rude
she is, thats why im not going off on her
and throwing myself into stuff with her.
please reply
