I have been in a relationship for over 5 years with a man who is bi-polar. When we got together, he was great, in the sense that he fulfilled a need to be needed.
My first mistake was jumping into a relation after a 15 year marriage ended, but I did.
He's medicated, but usually after a few months, it starts to slack off. He works, but doesnt make enough to support himself (basically his paycheck goes to child support and gas to get there) I pay all the bills, take care of everything and all the while I feel like I am walking on eggshells as not to "upset" him.
He stays up too late, then can't wake up in the morning, so he skips work. He sleeps all weekend. He likes to spend too much money, although he doesnt have any, he smokes marijuana (I don't). He has no goals, no aspirations, and we are just moving in different directions.
Dilemma: Whenever I discuss ending the relationship, he cries, tells me he wants to be together forever, he loves me, can't live without me and the sad thing is, I believe this. All of his friends and family have turned their backs on him and I feel I am the only thing he has. So, basically he guilts me into staying.
He says he'll do better and "do the right thing" but never does....for more than a day or two.
I feel selfish, like I should try harder to make it work, but no matter what I do, I can't feel that way about him anymore. We have no love, no passion (his meds have taken good care of killing his libido), we can sit for hours in the room together and never speak.
He's not a nice person, he's not friendly to people, and I am a very outgoing person and I always feel like I have to stifle myself when I am with him as not to "set him off".
I am in debt because I am supporting us both (his child support takes 60% of his income because he's over $50K in debt to his x). My children are almost grown up and out of the house, and I feel like my taking care of children days are behind me and this is no longer satisfying, but the only way I can explain it is, I feel like I took on this "responsibility" and I have to see it through to the end no matter what the cost (my sanity)
....and with all this, I still can't bring myself to ask him to leave. It's my house, my vehicle, my money, and the idea of leaving him with nothing kills me.
Stuck in a rut....looking for advise from someone who's been in a similar situation.
