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BPD affecting decisions ?

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My husband is 37 and was diagnosed as a Manic Depressive/Bi-Polar in his early twenties. I have been with him for 5 1/2 yrs total, 2 1/2 married. I am only 25 and his uncontrolled sickness has started to make me think I'm crazy. This past week, he walked in at 11:15pm and told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and he was in love with his best friend, Kristy. Here is my problem, I can understand if he really was in love with her, but he is constantly crying all the time and apologizing to me. His friend Kristy just recently started hanging out with us (me inviting her each time) and I can't figure it out. I'm not a person to have false hope. I know that it could really be that he doesn't love me, but it just doesn't make any sense, which leads me to believe it is his BPD. He talked with me today and told me that he was confused and didn't really know what he wanted. He also went on some trip about how he wasn't good enough to do what he needs to do in life and that he feels like he deserves a rockstar lifestyle. Please help. Are any of these part of his condition?
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replied September 10th, 2008
As I said in another post, I'm just a guy who has bipolar II, so my advice has to be taken for what it is worth. I've never been trained in psychology.

A few things jump out at me.

1. A rockstar lifestyle? Illusions of grandeur are a classic bipolar mania symptom.

2. Infidelity can happen to anyone, but it happens *a lot* to bipolars. I've been down this road. I forgot what I saw in my wife and I'm glad she's back with me. I am sure he believes his own words, though, so you are in a tough spot right now.

I am guessing that you aren't crazy. I am guessing that when he comes out of this, he is going to regret what he is doing. Some of his crying is shame at hurting you, but again... I've been there. When I finally pushed my wife to divorce me, I was ice cold. No crying. The day she moved out, I cried in private. When I started to swing out of the mania for a while, I realized what I had done and I started to reach out to her as a confidant again. In very short order, I knew the mistakes I had made.

My story isn't your story, but I think there is fair evidence.

-T-
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replied September 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Listen to geekylotus. He has some sage words of wisdom.

I think your husband needs to consult with his psychiatrist. He does not sound stable at this time. A medication change may be in order. Crying and apologizing sound like he may be depressed. Some of his other behaviors sound like mania. Encourage him to see his doctor. Write down all the behaviors and shift in mood that you have witnessed. It is helpful for the doctor to hear this as it gives the doctor a better picture of what is going on with your husband.
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replied September 14th, 2008
Find a good friend
I am going through something similar with my wife who is bipolar. It's amazing to me how similar some of the language and behaviors are and I completely understand how you begin to think you're crazy. My wife during one of her "up until 5AM" periods started an internet affair and informed me she loved someone else. She saw herself on stage performing to thousands of cheering fans with this new person. Like you I then get ""Sorry I love you" followed the next day by "you revolt me"

Yes you start not to know which end is up. Kristy is not a friend to either of you. She also won't know what hits her if you swap roles. Find a friend who will keep you centered and who won't blame your husband. He is not trying to hurt you ( although if you're like me you're feeling like your heart is being ripped out). He is not well. I hope that he is seeking help. My wife is sure there is nothing wrong with her. When she finally crashes she will go back on the meds but there is always a lot of damage in between.

A friend will respect that you love your husband and that he is not well but will also let you know when to take care of yourself and not get too hurt.

God Bless and good Luck
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replied October 28th, 2010
Experienced User
yes, very typical of the mania phase to get a new person in their lives like if the old relationship never existed. It happened to me and I`m still torn with the pain of it all. There was no warning, one day `you are my only one`, next day he had found a woman in a bar and dropped me, next day he sends an email saying how wonderful I am and next email was telling how bad I am and the next, how adorable I am and he likes me and I know that!!!! And now, silence.
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replied December 26th, 2010
Experienced User
developments- he now told me that the story about a woman in a bar is a complete fabrication, for what purpose i really dont know. However, he had many details of it all, name for her, details of where he met her and where they have been, etc, I think that part of it is true, but most is invention. I felt he was lying to me from the start of this madness. He is now sending emails telling me he misses me and everything will be fine for us, what I doubt very much without medication.
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replied January 17th, 2011
Experienced User
This behavior is all too typical of a person who has BPD. I went through the same ordeal...thinking I was crazy. It's not you....so don't believe it is. I eventually ended the relationship....after 2.5 years of this type of behavior. It was a rollercoaster ride which I will never ride again.

Chris
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