I have a friend/lover who has BP (unmedicated, although he self-medicates with alcohol I believe, which is not good I know). We met last year and instantly “hit it off.” We can talk for hours and hours and the physical stuff between us is very passionate and beautiful. However, my friend will get very close and then pull away, sometimes for days or a week at a time. He won’t answer calls or texts during these times.
We stopped seeing each other several months ago because I was getting very upset by the “hot and cold” swings. I missed his friendship tremendously during this time. We started talking again and one thing led to another. He says he cannot have a “relationship” and that he is “crazy.” But the more we talk, I find out more about why he feels that way. He was hurt so many times beginning as a very young child (domestic violence, sexual abuse, you name it…then he was in the war and I’m sure has PTSD from that). He was married for 20 years (and has grown kids) and his wife left him, which also led to him not wanting to be close to anyone. He says he is “scared a lot” of getting close to anyone, and that is why he runs away. He also told me he is BP but doesn't take meds b/c of side effects.
Recently we talked about all of this, and he told me to please not take it personally when he disappears or doesn’t respond to me, that it is just him and that it does not mean that he doesn't care. He treats me very well when we are together. He says that he fights getting close to people because he doesn’t want to be hurt again, but “with us, sometimes it feels like it’s way past that – that we are already so close.” He also says that he worries that his behavior will hurt me and he doesn’t want that. But when I asked him if he would always be there for me, he said “I hope you would never have to question that.”
The other day was my b-day and he was going to be out of town on business all week. He said he’d call me…and didn’t. He texted me the next day and apologized and wished me a happy belated b-day. But he seemed distant.
My friends say that I should forget him, that I deserve much better, etc. But I love this person and I see so much good in him. To me, it is worth it to have him in my life. Am I nuts?
