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Em144
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boyfriend wants abortion
Posted: 06-25-08 07:00am
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Hi...im 18 and been with my boyfriend for
6 months. We've just recently found out
that im pregnant........my boyfriend wants
an abortion but i just dont think i can
kill a baby like that. I know were
waaayyy too young but i dont think i can
bring myself to have it aborted. To top
things off im a self harmer and having an
abortion will likely make me relapse.....I
really dont know what to do...any advice
would be great.....thanks x
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Jules
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Posted: 06-25-08 07:21am
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It sounds like abortion is not the answer
for you, you know yourself best and if you
think having a termination will cause you
mental anguish then you are wise to avoid
it. Yes, you are young and it sounds like
it's not the ideal time for you to be
having a baby right now but there are ways
and means. What are your feelings on
adoption?
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Moo
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Posted: 06-25-08 07:23am
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if you don't think you could go through
with an abortion then don't - explain to
your bf why you feel that way and
hopefully he'll respect that (I am
pro-choice btw but you should be sure of
that decision). give yourself some time
to get used to the idea of being pregnant
and keep talking to your partner.
Do you have any other support around you?
You can manage, it may seem impossible atm
but, depending on where you live you
should be entitled to some help
financially, look into any financial
assistance you could get and hopefully
that should help aleviate some concern.
good luck 
oh yes and adoption is an option as Jules
mentioned
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Amethyst_Butterfly
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Posted: 06-25-08 11:17am
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He can't make you get one. I think any guy
who pushes that is a jerk. Besides you
could always do adoption. There's no need
to kill an innocent baby, its not it's
fault its alive.
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Lilly Ivy
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Posted: 06-26-08 08:58am
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If you don't want an abortion, don't get
one. It takes a lot out of you, and you
will definitely need emotional (and
physical) support, something your
boyfriend sounds like he doesn't have.
Again, adoption is always an option.
Being a single parent isn't out of the
question, either. There are plenty of
young, single woman that do a wonderful
job at motherhood.
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Mabel
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Posted: 06-26-08 09:37am
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The boyfriend bashing is unfair in this
post. We don't know what the boyfriend
feels or wants. He sounds just as afraid
as the OP - and possibly thinks this is
the best route.
To the OP: I agree with everyone here. If
you do not wish to have an abortion,
don't. Discuss ALL your options with
someone who is supportive of you. Do you
have an aunt of someone who is a little
older who you can confide in? A big sister
maybe?
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lele25
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Posted: 06-26-08 21:42pm
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I'm sure that I will get a ton of negative
response from this, but abortion is not
all that bad. It's not a baby, its a
fetus, and if you are not very far along
then it would be quick and simple. I am
not advocating abortion, I'm simply saying
that the "other way out" is not as bad as
it seems.
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aochriss
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Posted: 06-26-08 22:05pm
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I can understand where the bf is coming
from. He's only been dating this girl for
6 months, and he's probably not ready to
make a life long commitment to her, and
having a child does that to two people,
married or not.
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diamondsz
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Posted: 06-27-08 01:10am
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Chriss makes a really good point and so
does everyone else. You need to sit down
with your boyfriend and have a decent
chat, talk about the pros and cons of
everything, I don't think its fair that he
is pushing you but he is also in on this,
he needs to know if you are going to keep
it.
So you have realized that you are too
young to care for a kid, that is
responsible and I really respect you for
that but you have also said abortion is
out of the question, therefore you are
left with adoption and parenting. These
are big decisions to make and I think you
need to keep him in the loop but at the
same time you need to make a decision
without anyone influencing you, I suggest
highly talking to a counselor if you can.
Good luck!!!
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michellep2
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Posted: 07-01-08 16:07pm
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it sounds like you don't want an abortion,
so don't get one, if indead you don't want
one. i'd look into adoption, if your sure
you can let the baby go. i thought about
adoption first when i found out i was
preggo, but i wouldn't be able to let my
baby go (i had already gotten attached to
the baby) but if your intreasted in whats
the best for your child, make a list of
pros and cons for keeping the baby and
giving the baby to another caring family!
the conclusion should give you peace of
mind that you looked out for yor baby's
best interests!
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feb2009
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Posted: 07-01-08 16:17pm
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| aochriss
wrote: | | I can understand where the
bf is coming from. He's only been dating
this girl for 6 months, and he's probably
not ready to make a life long commitment
to her, and having a child does that to
two people, married or
not. |
well thats the chance he took by sleeping
with her.
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Mabel
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Posted: 07-01-08 17:00pm
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| feb2009
wrote: | | aochriss
wrote: | | I can understand where the
bf is coming from. He's only been dating
this girl for 6 months, and he's probably
not ready to make a life long commitment
to her, and having a child does that to
two people, married or
not. |
well thats the chance he took by sleeping
with her. |
And she with him. So whats the point? That
doesn't change the fact that she is
pregnant.
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feb2009
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Posted: 07-01-08 17:19pm
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| Ingi
wrote: | | feb2009
wrote: | | aochriss
wrote: | | I can understand where the
bf is coming from. He's only been dating
this girl for 6 months, and he's probably
not ready to make a life long commitment
to her, and having a child does that to
two people, married or
not. |
well thats the chance he took by sleeping
with her. |
And she with him. So whats the point? That
doesn't change the fact that she is
pregnant. |
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Mabel
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Posted: 07-01-08 20:08pm
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| feb2009
wrote: | | Ingi
wrote: | | feb2009
wrote: | | aochriss
wrote: | | I can understand where the
bf is coming from. He's only been dating
this girl for 6 months, and he's probably
not ready to make a life long commitment
to her, and having a child does that to
two people, married or
not. |
well thats the chance he took by sleeping
with her. |
And she with him. So whats the point? That
doesn't change the fact that she is
pregnant. |
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Ah, nor should she have slept with him.
Now that they are BOTH pregnant and they
are BOTH too young and BOTH too scared ~
what do you propose they do?
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feb2009
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Posted: 07-01-08 21:01pm
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| Ingi
wrote: | | feb2009
wrote: | | Ingi
wrote: | | feb2009
wrote: | | aochriss
wrote: | | I can understand where the
bf is coming from. He's only been dating
this girl for 6 months, and he's probably
not ready to make a life long commitment
to her, and having a child does that to
two people, married or
not. |
well thats the chance he took by sleeping
with her. |
And she with him. So whats the point? That
doesn't change the fact that she is
pregnant. |
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Ah, nor should she have slept with him.
Now that they are BOTH pregnant and they
are BOTH too young and BOTH too scared ~
what do you propose they
do? |
what gives you the right to say they are
too young. she is willing to take
responsibility for her actions. all i am
saying is if he was not ready for a
possible pregnancy he should have not
slept with her.
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AyaMiyaki
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Posted: 07-01-08 21:19pm
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She didn't say she was willing to take
responsibility for her actions. All she
said was she didn't want an abortion.
And she said HERSELF that she's way too
young. That's what gives Ingi the right.
He should have used a condom. She should
have made SURE he used a condom before
allowing him to have sex with her. Neither
of them are prepared for this. They're
both young and scared. They're both at
fault here.
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Reptar
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Posted: 07-01-08 21:57pm
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How does feb2009 even know that this is
the boyfriends fault? He could of worn a
condom, she could of missed her pill,
these things happen. We have no clue of
whose mistake this is, or if there was
even a mistake made. When properly
protected, the risk of pregnancy is so low
that you can compare it to someone
deserving to be killed walking across the
street because that's the chance they
took. But the real difference here is that
she now has the choice to abort, to adopt,
or to keep this child and he has no
choice. If he wanted it, and she wanted to
abort, his feelings would come second.
Just as they do now that she wants it and
he doesn't. (Note, I don't think he
*should* have the choice to force her to
abort or to keep it, I just believe in him
being able to sign away any ties to a
child before they're born)
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feb2009
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Posted: 07-02-08 10:08am
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| Reptar
wrote: | | How does feb2009 even know
that this is the boyfriends fault? He
could of worn a condom, she could of
missed her pill, these things happen. We
have no clue of whose mistake this is, or
if there was even a mistake made. When
properly protected, the risk of pregnancy
is so low that you can compare it to
someone deserving to be killed walking
across the street because that's the
chance they took. But the real difference
here is that she now has the choice to
abort, to adopt, or to keep this child and
he has no choice. If he wanted it, and she
wanted to abort, his feelings would come
second. Just as they do now that she wants
it and he doesn't. (Note, I don't think he
*should* have the choice to force her to
abort or to keep it, I just believe in him
being able to sign away any ties to a
child before they're
born) |
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Mabel
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Posted: 07-02-08 11:55am
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I am saying that the same thing goes if
you are a girl - 'If you play, you pay."
Period.
Now that that is established, finger
pointing does not change the facts.
Pregnancy has occurred. Now what? Laying
blame on one partner or another when both
were present, is a waste of time and
energy.
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