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Boyfriend talking to ex

Is it normal for your bf/gf to talk to their ex? I recently found out my bf has been calling his ex. I saw his phone records and saw her number. I confronted him and immediately ended the relationship. He's been apologizing ever since and saying it's not as bad as I think. How can that be? I just feel betrayed...and I specifically asked him if he talks to his ex and he said no! We have been together almost a year! How can it not be as bad as I think?! What reason would a person have to talk to their ex...they dated 2 years, have no ties now. He says she has Chrons disease and has suicidal thoughts so he calls to check up on her.
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First Helper worrywart01
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replied September 16th, 2008
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Yes it's normal. What if your bf and his ex just wants to be friends? Is it wrong for friends to check up on each other??

I believe calling his ex to see if she is okay is a legit reason and nothing to worry about.

Get back with him, he didn't deserve what you did to him and I strongly believe he needs a second chance, so give it to him.

But be on your toes, if anything seems fishy, than ask him and talk to him. Let him explain the best he can. Basically be understanding.

In my opinion, what you did was unfair, breaking up with him over such matters.

Give him a chance, he might be actually checking up on her like he said and you might look stupid thinking that he was going to or is cheating on you.

Remember in most relationships, guys worry more about the possibility that his girl might break up with him, no matter how stable the relationship is.

Tell me what happens.

Cheers,

Peter
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replied September 16th, 2008
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in reply.
I do not think thats its normal for him to talk to his ex. I understand that she has chrons and I do feel bad for her. But.....he could have told you first...before he called her...so that he could get your input on the situation. He should have told you before and not after. If I was you, I would keep checking on those phone records.
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replied September 17th, 2008
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Depends on the situation...some people were friends with their exes before they decided to be in a relationship and then ended on good terms hoping to remain friends...so it really depends...though I know my boyfriend has no business talking to his ex..actually..he wouldn't really want to..and I dont care to talk to mine personally....but you may have over reacted by ending the relationship, i think you should have talked to him about it first and see what is up..let him know that you dont think this is something he should hide...i always say honestly is the best policy..even if something isn't a big deal..the fact that someone hides it makes it a big deal..bc then you question if it wasn't a big deal, why would you go to the trouble to hide it? anyway..just talk to him about how you feel..i dont think really he's done much wrong just let him know it makes you uncomfortable if you wish to get back into the relationship
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replied June 3rd, 2013
She did the right thing by ending the relationship becuz its against her values to be with someone whose been dishonest & contacting his ex. She didnt give him an ultimatum & made him choose, she didnt try to control him, she broke up with him becuz she wasnt into it. Id 100% break up with my bf if they were contacting their ex behind my back, its shady. Im not against being friends with an ex if it has no effect on ur relationship but i think if u are friends with an ex & u wuld happily break off with ur partner than remove the ex/"friend" from ur life then that in itself is just weird, that ud deny urself a new relationship than remove some baggage from the past.
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replied June 3rd, 2013
She did the right thing by ending the relationship becuz its against her values to be with someone whose been dishonest & contacting his ex. She didnt give him an ultimatum & made him choose, she didnt try to control him, she broke up with him becuz she wasnt into it. Id 100% break up with my bf if they were contacting their ex behind my back, its shady. Im not against being friends with an ex if it has no effect on ur relationship but i think if u are friends with an ex & u wuld happily break off with ur partner than remove the ex/"friend" from ur life then that in itself is just weird, that ud deny urself a new relationship than remove some baggage from the past.
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replied September 17th, 2008
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Couldn't have said it better, Worrywart01.

-Peter
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replied September 19th, 2008
Hmm,

I think that he definietly either feels sorry for her or he feels sorry for himself for leaving her.
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replied September 19th, 2008
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Question.
Jenny, has he been trying to call and get back together with you?
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replied November 7th, 2008
Relationship with Ex? Betrayal?
Jenny,

The real problem is not whether you are justified in feeling betrayed or not. I dont care if his EX was mother TERESA with Crones Disease!

The fact of the matter is that THE CORE FOUNDATION of a relationship is to be supportive and cherishing of each other's feelings.

Even if the whole world including indigenous tribes say that you are overracting... It doesn't change the fact that HE took on the RESPONSIBILITY of being an emotional supporter for you... HE and ONLY HE. and ... well.. he failed.

So... Either he can say...

a. "My girlfriend is tooooo high maintenance!" and leave...
or B.
b. He can say... "I can see how you'd be upset. Since there is a conflict of interest, Your feelings are more important to me than my Ex's."

What you can do is...

A. Evaluate whether your feelings are worth coping with for the sake of keeping the relationship.
OR

B. Finding someone else who cherishes your feelings and defends them as the most precious gift he's ever been entrusted.

IF A: Then support him in his actions that are hurtful to you. (People tend to STOP doing hurtful thing as soon as you act like it doesnt hurt)
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replied January 29th, 2009
im having the same problem me and my bf was out last night and his ex was sat wiv us all night n he was laughing and joking wiv her and shaking her hand now i am in two minds and dont no wether to stay or go but i do understand u can ne 1 help me plz wot shud i do ????
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replied February 15th, 2009
Your right to feel betrayed...he lied!
I think you have a right to be concerned

why because

1. you asked him if he was in contact with his ex he said no.....thats a lie cause he was
2. YOU had to confront him instead of him coming to you and saying my ex is sick ive rang her to make sure shes ok - why lie and do it behind your back?
3. i its nothing as he says she did he lie? I'm sure his been talking to her all through your relationship

his not honest. nothing wrong with seeing you ex as long as your honest with your partner and keep them in the loop once it becomes secretive thats when it becomes a problem....your out of the loop...you feel left out and uncared for....what about your feeling? how often does he call you?

he still has feeling for this woman be careful...maybe shes using her illess to bring him back cause she knows that will get his attention...find a new man he will never let the other woman go he loves her more than he loves u...
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replied March 5th, 2009
its a bit 50/50
end of the day he might have been calling to check how she is but he should have told you the sitchuation first. to be honest though ive been with my boyfriend nearly 2years and if he all of a sudden started calling his ex i wouldn't like it at all and i wouldnt let it happen again.fare enough if they were still friends when you got together but not now.
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replied May 16th, 2009
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i m bias in this situation b/c my ex was friends with his ex g/f while we were together. he was talking care of her two kids (not his). and thoes kids called my ex's mom "grandmom" and i was in battle with my ex's family about what was disrespectful to me. he claimed to be friends with her but at the very end i found out he was in love with her for 2 years out of he 5 we were together. and for the longest time i couldnt figure out why our relationship was at a stand still. she was disrespectful and just using him for money.
i met women who are respectful and dont step on your toes. for example he had another female friend, and i felt like that relationship was a o.k.
so you really have to evaluate the situation. i have a boyfriend and male friends. and they do make sex jokes and want to sleep with me, but they know it will never happen.
if i move in with my b/f i would call my male friends once in the blue mood.
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replied February 19th, 2010
move on .. get over it .. he kept it hidden for a reason
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replied February 26th, 2010
I agree with biodrux and others who say the problem is not he talking to his ex. But he don't caring about your feelings regarding this subject. As I said in my own post about a very similar situation, keeping in touch with ex partners means nothing to some people and is a big deal for many others. No one should assume how his/her boyfriend/girlfriend thinks about it. It's something to be watched out before doing something.
What is funny about it is that the very same person who says a friendship with an ex is nothing to worry about, is the person who hide the fact about that friendship. In this case you didn't know that your boyfriend talked to his ex. In my post, my cousin thought his girlfriend's friend was just a friend. But he wasn't.
If there is no big deal, why hiding?
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replied September 4th, 2011
You both should talk with each other and tell your boyfriend that he should completely break up with his ex. No phone calls, no text messages, no IMs, do not be around with his/her family members or as much as possible his/her friends. Although it doesn't really mean it has to be permanent but at least until when he can talk with his ex at a platonic level.
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replied September 17th, 2011
I've read that apparently it is a positive thing for a guy to be on good terms with his exes. My boyfriend talks to all of his exes on a regular basis, and the only reason I am comfortable with it is because he was honest and up front about his friendships with them and I have met a couple of them myself. The fact that your boyfriend lied to you was wrong, and it is up to you if that trust can be earned back. Maybe he was afraid of how you would react, I don't know, but if he was good to you and treated you right, maybe you could give him another chance and just stress how important it is for him to be honest with you in regards to communication with his ex. Speaking from personal experience, one of my exes was keeping in touch with an ex who he also claimed was "deathly ill" when I confronted him about it. He tried to make me feel guilty for being suspicious, and it worked for a while until I read his texts complaining about our relationship problems to her and asking her for advice. 110% not okay, which is why I personally do not keep in touch with MY exes. Good luck <3
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replied March 30th, 2012
Fidelity is for more than in the bedroom
My take: sexual fidelity is not enough. I've met many men who stay in communication with their ex-girlfriends on the "we're just friends now" logic, and they believe it's all good and fine as long as they aren't having sex. I don't buy it. There's a "damsel in distress/white knight to the rescue" aspect to male/female relationships. Whether the female's distress is of a physical (anything from illness to non-functioning automobiles), mental, or emotional nature (even just someone to talk to), women appeal to men to help them and men love to feel needed and capable, so they ride to the rescue, to be the hero on some level. Women in happy relationships don't appeal to other men for this, and men who offer this help and support should be offering this *exclusively* to their special woman. Women who look to other men for these kinds of help, and men who offer these kinds of help to other women, are damaging their love relationships. Maybe it's jealousy on the part of the other person in the relationship, but if so then I say it's a smart kind of jealousy - we should trust ourselves when we know that there's something not quite right here. I've dated a man who's ex-wife of 10 years, no kids between them, was still appealing to him for help - she was married with child in Hawaii, he was dating me in a Southern state, and she would not stop and he wouldn't put an end to it - he needed to feel needed. Ridiculous. I've also dated a guy who had female friends who were happy with their relationships, and there was none of this dynamic going on, and we ended up being great friends (the women and I). In my experience we women can smell it in the air when a woman is attracted to our man, and when they aren't - and too many men don't seem to recognize it at all, what the women are doing and their own response to it ... they just say, I'm not sleeping with her and I don't want to, so what are you worried about? Women and men, whether you are the in distress - seeking help person, or you are the rescuer, please wake up and see this. If you want a truly successful relationship, save all that energy for the person you're with, and step up when your significant other insists that you stop giving it to someone else and give it to him/her, and you'll have much more happiness. I'm sure the other person is a big boy/girl and their whole life doesn't hinge upon you.
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replied June 22nd, 2012
please someone say something. My man's ex took a train and ended up in his house, stayed with him and I got to know this only because I probed deeper. He then told me that they had a onlger term relationship than ours and broke my heart. We stayed apart and I dind really know if he was with her or not, when yesterday he sent me 3 messages saying how wonderful I am and that he wants to travel to Europe with me as planned before, and nothing has chenged between us. NOthing????? He slept with his ex. I told him clearly that I do not travel with men who has another woman, he completely ignored what I said and asked me to help him to find something in google earth to do with the trip we were planning.
He seems not to understand that IM HURT and Im not planning to trael with him anymore specially b ecasue I dont know if he is seeing her or not.
I find really disgusting that he can even think that I could still travel with him after what he did to me, and if he is with her, tell me, travelling with me is going to drive her crazy and of course we wont stay only platonic a month in Europe.
So, hoe to understand his attitude? He is not talking to me as before, but did send me messages sayng that Im a star shinning and that nothing has changed.
To me it has.
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replied September 20th, 2013
relationship help
I'm having the same problem Im 6months pregnant and went through my babys dads phone. When I got to his text messaging his ex was talking about "ya I know" and the other msgs were deleted except his. Now he was talking about our problems n he said they were talking about her relayionship problems too. I ended up leaving him but he stood there crhing saying he did nothing rong ? I honestly need help! ;/ he has no reason to talk to her about her or our relationship. period
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replied December 4th, 2013
Its not right?
I have the same situation with my boyfriend he phones his ex at least twice a day every day and sometimes when I am at his home he wont take calls from his phone when I am in the room so I can only imagine its her calling. I can't understand he has everything he needs with me so why does he need to call her so much? Sometimes when he is away on business he hasn't time to talk to me but when I look at his phone records he has been on calls with her lasting over a half an hour!
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