Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 28 Location: North Bonneville, WA United States
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boyfriend lies about everything Posted: 05-24-08 20:48pm
My boyfriend will not be honest with about
nearly anything he thinks would get him in
trouble [or something]. He denies being
with any other girl, even talking to other
girls! He comes home smelling like
cigarettes, but denies smoking or being
around people that smoke. He has cigarette
butts in his car! I mean, he lies about
the weirdest, smallest things! Obviously,
since he lies about trivial things he also
lies about big things. We were together
for a year then he left me for another
girl. fast forward 10 months and we're
back together. Now, at almost 2 years back
together he still denies ever being with
the other girl! He says he never dated
her, his friends made him, but he never
even talked to her.
These lies are ridiculous and I don't
understand why he would lie about it. I
thought maybe I made him feel like if he
was honest I'd be be mad, so I explained
to him many times that I understand if he
wants to hang out with girls, I realize
he's a human being and has been interested
by other chicks. I tell him it's okay if
he wants to smoke or whatever, I'm not his
parent I can't tell him what to do/what
not to do. You know, I just let him know
I'd never get too mad as long as he was
being honest.
He's always been this way. He also lies
about the way people treat him.
If he's with me, he says his friends are
the worst people ever, they make him do so
many horrible things, they're mean to him,
so on & so on.
If he's with his friends then I'm the
worst person ever. I'm always mad at him
or yelling at him or making him feel like
crap, so on.
Of course he denies doing this as well,
but I've heard him doing it. He told me he
only did it because his roommate made him!
Anyways, I'm just really frustrated
because I'm pregnant and I really want him
to grow up before we have our baby. Other
then the lying/"trash talking", he's
great. He's sweet, thoughtful, works hard
and seems to really care about me.
Should I get out of this now or hope he'll
start being honest?
Is there any hope he'll start being
honest?!
Maybe I'm overreacting? I don't know.
Thank you & sorry for rambling!
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eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
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Posted: 05-24-08 21:15pm
Obviously he is very insecure and a
follower - and lets his friends influence
him. I would say get rid of him, but now
there is a baby to think about. How old
is he? Maybe he just has some growing up
to do and once the baby comes, he will
become responsible and realize his
priorities.
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DeseRAE
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 28 Location: North Bonneville, WA United States
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Posted: 05-24-08 23:13pm
He's only 20. [I'm only 17 (well, I'll be
18 in July)]
I always hear guys don't mature until
they're in their mid-twenties. ??
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eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
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Posted: 05-24-08 23:49pm
Everyone is different and every situation
is different, but I THINK if my boyfriend
or husband would have every lied to me -
that would have been the END! If you do
not have trust - you do not have trust in
this person then you do not have his love,
or ANYTHING for that matter! It is so
easy to lie, but it takes a MAN to stand
up and tell the truth. Not only that, he
continuously does it - there is a seroius
problem in the relationship. No one can
tell you what to do - only your heart!
Time will tell!
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DeseRAE
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 28 Location: North Bonneville, WA United States
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Posted: 05-25-08 00:27am
Thank you for your help :] I just really
hope he can be honest so we can build
trust.
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pregmumof2
Supporter
Joined: 13 Mar 2008 Posts: 70 Location: Gloucestershire, England
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Posted: 05-27-08 15:14pm
would he agree to some coulples
counselling...i think you could really
benefit from it,especially now you are
about to be parents.do it for yourselves
and your baby....its worth a try....it can
really change people for the better.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1136 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Posted: 05-27-08 15:30pm
I think its his age mostly. Men mature
slower than women and from my experience
most young men dont get out of the goofing
off stage until their early-mid twenties.
My hubby is almost 21. Ive known him since
he was 15. Him and I have grown up soo
much. He still goofs off and stuff, but we
both have made so much progress. Just give
it time.
But it sounds like its a habit that he has
and that habit needs to be broken. By you
taking him back and forgiving the previous
times hes lied, he now thinks its ok. He
probably thinks that you love him and you
will always forgive him. Well he needs to
know that thats retarded and that lying so
freely is very wrong. Show him tough love
and dont forgive so easily. Make sure he
knows and sees how much it hurts and
bothers you. I dont think you should leave
him, just try to let him grow up.
Hopefully he grasp the reality before the
baby comes. Lying isnt a good thing to
pass on.
