you could hyphenate your baby's name with your ex-boyfriend's last name and yours, for a suggestion.

it's not YOUR baby, it is BOTH of yours. it's fifty fifty. he can still be a father to the baby regardless of whether or not you are together. i do understand the feeling of not wanting to 'share' the baby, but it's completely necessary to.

i don't see how living together will work, either. if you have any other options, i really think you should move out. it will be awkward and cause you that much more pain. if you don't, stay at his house [pending he is still willing] until you have the baby, then work on moving out and arranging custody issues after the baby is born.

just my suggestion. good luck and i'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

he still wants us both to live with him, and i know i have to share our son. i want to, I am concerned that us living together may be better for the baby, but really hard on me, so would it just be selfish to not live with him because it would be hard on me?? i know he is going to be a good dad but i am just so sick of hurting, i feel so selfish and confused...

Maybe in time things will get better. Its odd that he is saying he wants you to live with him. I wouldn't live with someone and not be a family with them if we were not together, that is unhealthy on you and the baby. Its not fair to you either to have to deal with that. I think that last name choice is up to you. I wouldn't feel selfish either way, its your choice. Good luck dear I hope the best for you and your baby!

I think it would be hard to deal with, living in the smae house but not being with him. But if it stresses you out it isnt a good idea... for your sake. I wish I had better advice! Sorry!

i think i am going to try to live with him. i don't want him to miss his sons first word and first steps... he may not want to be my boyfriend but i just know he will be a great dad.
but the baby is getting my last name. we are not married and he doesn't even want to date me anymore, so why make it hard on myself right??

I agree with you about the baby having your last name. Why should the ex get everything his way, even after he splits up the family before it even starts? He is the selfish one for dumping you. You don't just walk away from the mother of your future child while she's carrying it.

What does he think will happen when one of you finds someone else? Who will have to move out? Is your name and/or your child's name going to be on the deed to that house, or can he kick you both out whenever he wants?

^ I was about to ask the same question!

well he wouldn't kick me out because he knows i would take his son with me. and he promises to not date... and i think i believe him when he says that because he would rather live with his son then date... it's all in his name. by the way, he is paying for it all.

Well, in my opinion it doesn't matter if he's paying for it all. You're creating his child in your body, and you will be the primary caregiver of his child.

Your name has every right to be on that deed. In many marriages the husband makes all of the money but the wife owns everything with the husband 50/50.

You are taking time out of the prime of your life to care for this child, instead of making money. What will you be left with? Obviously your ex will start dating sometime, and you need to think about your financial security. JMHO.

btw, what do your parents think of this?

well we are not married...idk if he would put me on it.

they think i am crazy and that this is a bad decision...

Well what do your parents want you to do?

my mom wants me and the baby to live with her. i know i will only be eighteen when he is born, but i really don't want to feel like I'm using my parents. and i think as the father, my ex really deserves the chance to be a dad, since he wants that so bad. i don't want to take that away from him.

You are not taking away his chance to be a father if you don't live with him. I think honestly you moving into this house with your ex, no name on deed, no money, not working, with a promise he won't date (yeah right ) is a bad choice for you and for this child. If you two will not be in a relationship you should find another place to live and find a job to help support your son. Also the father of the child should pay child support to help with the child and he can still be a father and see the child when he likes that is convient with you and your schedule.

I absolutely agree.

This man won't commit to you enough to date you, but he wants you to live with him with no guarantees so he can spend time with his child? That's extremely risky. There's nothing stopping him from kicking you out if you two get into a fight. And what if he brings a girl home? What will you do? It's his house and you two aren't together. What's stopping him from dating, aside from his promise?

You're setting yourself up for heartache. It'll be so hard being with him every day, and yet not being with him. You can be a strong mother for your child by taking care of yourself and standing up for yourself. Petition for child support for your son and use the money to help support the two of you at your mother's house. You won't be as much of a burden that way, and it'll be a more stable environment for your child. There's nothing stopping your ex from seeing the baby or spending time with him. But for him to expect you to just move in and stay there for HIS benefit, when you have no legal claim on anything in that house or any commitment from him, is crazy.

He's treating you like a surrogate mother, but an unpaid one. Women need to look out for their financial futures for their own best interests as well as that of their children.

Ih he won't put you on the deed, you should stay with your mother. That way he can pay child support and you can continue your education and get a good career going for yourself. If you stay at your ex's house, it will be much more difficult, if not impossible, for you to do that, unless he agrees to care for the child when he's not working, so you can go back to school and get a career going.

it's just that i understand why he couldn't love me. I'm still going to continue with my education, and he knows that. we will actually pretty much always have a babysitter( grandma), he is very supportive of me and I'm sure he cares about me, he just doesn't love me and i may have to agree with AyaMiyaki that it will be hard being with him and not being WITH him, but i still feel really happy with him, i admit i wish he would kiss me or hold me or make love to me... but i can get over that so my son can get the full mom-dad- benefits.

i went through the same thing. I was 34 weeks pregnant with my son, and my partner left me. I rung mum straight away and moved there that day, but that night i went into labour, the drs stopped the labour and gave me steroids to help my son grow. (btw im 18 myself) after i got out of hospital, i spent all day every day with my ex, i went to work with him, i even stayed at his house every coupla nights. But the whole time i had to listen to him talk about his life, and it was hard because although i was a part of his life, i wasnt one of the most important things in it anymore. I had to watch him look at other females, and talk about one of our friends staying over when i didnt and how she did this and sghe did that, but they werent dating. This put a lot of stress on me, which was extremely bad for the baby, my bp sky rocketed and i got very sick from the stress of it all, but i thought if i stuck around him long enough, hed come back to me.
I too didnt want to give my son his last name, and i didnt want to share my son with him, i knew it was ours, but i thought he didnt dseserve to be a part of it because he was the one that left.
Basically i guess im saying its ok to be a little selfish, BUT dont live with him and dont spend all your time with him, give him space to miss what he had and he might just come back. Its completely your choice, but thats my opinion.

I agree with Kerryn either he'll realize what hes missing or youll realize how much better off you are without him. When my babys dad and I broke up I thought my world had ended but in reality I look back on him now and I dont want anything to do with him. If hes the guy your meant to be with he'll come back and if not you'll find a guy that will love you and your baby so much better than he ever could.

Just how long do you really think this will last? 18 years? That's how long the parenting job is.