I am 26 and my boyfriend of over four years has recently told me that he is attracted to men. At first, he confessed that he has been looking at gay porn for several years and he attracted to the idea of gay sex. Though surprised, I was very understanding. A couple weeks later, he confessed to having sexual experiences with a childhood friend. Starting from a young age, he and his friend began by kissing each other- pretending to kiss girls. By the time they were 14 they were masturbating together, experimenting with oral sex, and then attempting to have sex a few times. This all stopped when he was 16 and he has not had another sexual experience with a man since.

I have continued to be very supportive. I truly want him to be himself. He said that he has been living with shame and confusion for his entire life, but he says that he is much happier now that he has told me. We have been very much in love and he says that he still wants to be with me forever. The problem is that he wants to have a sexual experience with a man. While I want to be open and understanding and I want for him to find out the extent of his attraction to men, I know that I would not be ok with him having sex with anyone--a man or a woman.

I am very confused. If he is gay, I want him to be able to find out. If he is truly bisexual, I can be supportive if he is committed to me, but an open relationship where he can have sexual experiences with men is not acceptable. Since I have been so understanding, he now feels comfortable telling me more about his attractions to men, but the more he does, the more uncomfortable I am with it. Our relationship during all of this has been a little rocky for reasons besides this, and though he denies it, I am sure that his reaction to my uncertainty is partially to blame. He claims that he is just a very sexual person and that he can “control” his attraction to men because he is much more attracted to women. I don't know what to think. Any thoughts?