This is very embarassing, but i'll give it a shot. My bf of a year and a half is having trouble with staying erect before having sex. He is 26, and I'm 22. We normally have sex several times a week, with no problem. In the beginning there were a few times when he would all of a sudden go limp, after getting hard, or me giving him oral. Lately its been happening alot. He claims its not me, that its him, that hes nervous and stressed out, and gets anxiety. I dont get it. I am very sexsuall in the bedroom and giving. I am fit, health cautious, and have always been complemented on my looks. But, when this happens it makes me feel like im not enough for him, which causes arguments. I dont understand why this keeps happening. We havent had sex in like 2 weeks, and we see eachother every day. He will start to get hard, just by touching me or seeing me halfnaked/full naked.. but then once we get down to it, or hes giving me oral, or the other way around.. he gets soft again... and we cant do anything. Someone please give me real advice, on why this is happening and what I can/should do to prevent it. Is it me? Him? or both of us?
Believe him, it is not you, it is him. Stress and anxiety can definitely cause this. And now that it is an issue, it is just making it worse. Make sure he is well rested and relaxed before sex. And remember he does not have control over it. It is an automatic reaction to sexual stimulation. So it is not as if he is rejecting you. I can almost guarantee you he is just as frustrated as you are.
He should cut out bad habits, like smoking, drinking heavy or drugs (if he does any of it). Does he exercise and watch his weight? If not, you might want to work out with him to encourage him to look better after his health.
Also stop trying so hard for a while. It is perfectly fine to just cuddle, have oral sex or finger sex for a bit. Get some massage oil and massage each other. Intimacy is about ore than sex, and if you are frustrated, you always have your fingers (or even a vibrator) to hep you out.
Sex after a night's rest might also help with stress.
If nothing helps, he should see his doctor. It might be an indication of more serious problems. Just trying ED drugs by himself without seeing a doctor may just hide other problems.
Thank you for you advice. He doesnt smoke or drink, and is very fit, but does have 2 jobs and is in school. He is very stressed and doesnt get enough sleep. I guess we can try the oral thing for now. We both love to cuddle, so that's a good idea as well. Again, thank you.
This is all good advice and likely the problem is stress but there are a couple of things speaking from the man's side (an older experienced male with ED), that may also help. Make sure you shower well before being together. Although it is not obvious you may have slight odor (or taste) that could be a small turnoff and your partner may not be brave enough to tell you. Also, be less agressive sexually, but still letting him know you want him. Too strong the appearance of the sex drive on your part could be mixing up his thinking about your loyalty, especially if he really loves you deeply. But above all else, be the one to start the sessions equally often or just slightly less, as this will show him you love him and desire him as well. A one sided desire, or appearance of that, will surely affect his performance in love and intimacy.