Join Our Community!
Share
Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Boyfriend almost cheated
Avatar
Q: Boyfriend almost cheated
asked by: Lynne2008 on July 16th, 2008
New User
I need some advice.

Two days ago, I was closing down my boyfriends computer for him while he was at class. he left open his email and I was going to go do some stuff online, so as I went to type in an address, I saw a post that he had made on Craigslist. I was not snooping, I trusted my boyfriend. But, I saw this post, he has made it earlier in the morning before I got there. It was a post asking for NSA sex with an older woman.

I know that nothing happened, because he had just posted it in the morning and there was no responses. Deep down, I actually think nothing would have happened, I think he is too scared to meet someone offline like that for sex. We ourselves met online, we talked for about 2 months before we met, we were both really nervous.

When he got back from class, I confronted him about it. There has been some sexual problems in our relationship, and he blamed it on that. Every time we have sex, he cannot orgasm. No matter if it is through oral or just sex, he can't do it. We have been together 7 months now, and in that time, he has only orgasmed maybe 3 times. I know this is frustrating for him, and that is what he told me. He told me he thought maybe if he could do it with another woman, then he could do it with me. He is 20 years old, and healthy. I am the first person he has had sexual relations with.

I just feel very very hurt. Before this, I never had any doubts in him, now I can't stop doubting and I dont want to be that kind of girlfriend. but, I love him, I really do. And, i do think that him not orgasming is making him very frustrated, and we talked about it. Usually, when we are doing things, if he goes soft, he will just focus on me, but we never really talked about it. And now we did, and we were both crying, and we promised to communicate more with it, and how to work with each other.

I also think that he may be depressed sometimes. He works night and has a horrible time sleeping he says when he is all alone, he thinks bad things, like how he isnt doing anything in his life..and then about his sexual "failure."

I want to work this out, because nothing happened, and I think he did it because of how he feels about his sexual performance. I just don't know how to go about starting. he has been very open to me, when I asked him questions about it, what he was thinking and all that. he never yelled or got defensive, he only answered my questions and cried with me.

Has this happened to anyone one else? Or have you yourself done this? Thought about cheating but didn't do it? Or caught someone before they did? how did you work through it?
Did you find this post useful?
|
Replies(9)
User Profile
LadyKitten
replied on July 16th, 2008
Experienced User
Does he masturbate? If so, can he orgasm then? I asked my fiance once why he masturbates so often? If we're together and have a good sex life, why does he have to masturbate? He told me that there's times where he needs to relieve stress and masturbating is just the easiest and quickest method. When having sex he always has to concentrate to make sure I orgasm before him and that can be stressful. But masturbating it's just him and nothing else to worry about. Maybe you're boyfriend is focusing too much on making you orgasm that he can't do it himself. How would sleeping with another woman make it any easier? Try masturbating in front of each other once. Don't touch each other, just touch yourselves and watch the other person. Sometimes that gets people really excited. Talking about it is the key though. It will be hard now that you saw the posting. At least you discussed it with him. But find out if he masturbates and if he has problems doing that. If he does masturbate and doesn't have problems then, then there's a chance it's just that he's focusing too much on trying to please you. I hope that helps. Good luck.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
vampire_sweetness86
replied on July 16th, 2008
New User
Hi
I also met my bf online.. we were together online for 2 yrs and we have been physically together as gf and bf for a alil over yr. He was cheating on me when he was online talking to other girls flirting, cybering etc.. calling them his gf and since he has been with me he has cheated one time with another girl he met at work.. during this time we were living together and when i found out about the cheating he just basically told me he didnt love me anymore only as a friend this hurt me ALOT and he didnt want me to move out. i cried for about 3 days until me, him and one of his friends were at the park and the girl he was currently "dating" called and i couldnt take it so i snatched the phone hung up on her and then went to another location at the park and called her and told her to back off.. she didnt back off anyway.. come to find out she was just playing him and he got back with me he told me he didnt know why he did this to me and he told me he was sorry and i accepted because i do love him a lot. I wonder occasionlly if i should have just moved out and let him and her be together and see how that would have went and maybe he would have just came back to me on his own. Since this all has happened we have moved out into another apartment and he has gotten me a promise ring! maybe he just made a mistake. I just thought i should share this with you.

A common cause of anorgasmia( iinability to orgasm or only after a long time) in younger males is an atypical masturbatory style, particularly masturbating in the prone (face down) position. This is a troublesome condition called Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome, or TMS. You can learn more about TMS and how to overcome it at http://www.healthystrokes.com.


I wanted to add.. make sure he just isnt using the excuse that he was gonna cheat just because he can't achieve orgasm when you and him have sex. If he really loves you he will work out with YOU how he and you can solve your problem in the bedroom. I hope everything works out for the best!! -Sara Smile
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
Lynne2008
replied on July 16th, 2008
New User
Thank you both.

He does masturbate, and he can orgasm then. We have tried masturbating for each other before, and he shows me what to do...I just think it will take some time to get into that, at least I hope. but we talked about it, and he let me know how he feels, and i let him know how i feel about it. i know it makes him feel like a failure because he cant orgasm. the times that he has orgasmed with me, he was stroking and i was just adding to it. the first time was the first time we had sex, since then he hasnt orgasmed during sex, only with me aiding to his movements.

he never talked to anyone else online, or responded to any, at least that is what he told me..i believe him

i just dont know how to go on from here
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
SmCmF
replied on July 16th, 2008
New User
Well if I were any of you and I was in that situation, I would have left. Depression or not, bad sex or not, there is NO reason for cheating. If there is a problem you work it out. If you can't work it out, it's time to split up. Going to cheat or putting up an ad to cheat is just as bad as actually cheating. Why are girls so forgiving? I'm not knocking any of you because i've been ther done that and now I know never EVER will I allow someone to do that to me and you shouldn't either!
Did you find this post useful?
|
Users who thank SmCmF for this post: Fairy Godmother  Beline 
User Profile
Beline
replied on July 17th, 2008
Supporter
AMEN!! Or should I say ‘Hallelujah’? A girl who’s got her head right on her shoulders.

Lynne, let’s get back to basics. The foundations for any relationship are trust, love and respect. You can’t trust someone who posts an add for sex on the internet. Are you really so naïve that you believe that he was trying to sort out an erectile dysfunction? How was that supposed to help with his problem, Sweetheart?
If he really loved you he would never have attempted to expose you to very dangerous STD’s. Women who are willing to have sex with complete strangers have very low moral standards and are most probably already infected with sexually transmitted diseases. He didn’t care much about you when he placed the ad.
I know it’s really hard to hear the truth but I honestly think that you should just break it up and move on. He wanted to cheat and most probably would have if he wasn’t caught.
Hang in there, Sweetie.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
Sukki
replied on September 8th, 2008
Experienced User
he must be on stress if he cant orgasm.. have u thought of accompanying him to see a doc or something abt his problems?
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
thescrewup
replied on April 15th, 2009
New User
i almost cheated on my now ex 3 times but i could never go through with it because i didn't want to hurt her, but she left me because it kept happening and she said she would give me another chance if i could change and i really really want to change so i stop hurting her but i don't know how, i never orgasm when we have sex, but i can if i masturbate and i really really want her back. i miss her so much and i haven't slept in three days i spend most of my time crying over how stupid i was being for thinking like that and i really need to make it up to her
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
CoolGlassofH2O
replied on April 19th, 2009
Experienced User
No matter if he didn't do anything. He's clearly showing that he's capable.that's the think about guys..instead of coming to us and talking out problems they jus cheat on u.for some reason they think that fixed their problems (I.e my guy) then they. Feel stupid cause they end up making things worst. We went thru a rough patch and yet he kept acting like everything was good between us. I gave him a chance but he clearly knows that one more and he's out. But now I'm being more careful and aware cause now I know the signs. Point is no matter if he went with thru with it or not he still thinks about it. And if he's thinking about it that means he's jus not that into u anymore. An he mite be using his inability to come as an excuse jus to keep u quiet. Be careful and never blame yourself for anything that happens.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
Libragirl28
replied on April 22nd, 2009
New User
boyfriend with sexual issues
Ok what I may say will seem harsh but trust me it is the truth of my opininon, i really think he may not be into you sexually. He cares for you in his heart but intimately he wants it else where. He wants an experienced woman to satisfy his desires like a flame he wants it to melt his candle. Now I'm sure your a nice girl and mean well but damn honey. He is going to find elsewhere. let me ask you this only b/c I've been in therapy and I've seen all types of guys in support groups...does he masturbate to different types of porn like teens or older women, black women or Asian preferably? Was he molested as a child? Does he watch kiddie porn? Just asking so get upset,ok?
Did you find this post useful?
|
Quick Reply
Search