Everyone keeps telling me that I should know my boundaries. I was curious to know what are these boundaries? How do I set clear boundaries in my life especially early in recovery where I'm in a gray area?
In the past few years I was living in almost a passive state of mind.As my using increased I crossed many boundaries. I got so used to this passive state that I forgot wht it means to say NO sometimes.I was a "too good friend" as Stagebear said and the best this and that ......meanwhile I forgot where I stand in all this equation.I tolerated many painful situation where drugs were included .I thought that was normal.Now I know it's Not.It's like waking up the morning after a destructive storm. I don't know where should I start fixing my collapsed life. I say collapsed because I find the wreckage of my past catching up with me. I was never like that before. Addiction degrades us into people we barely recognize. I became so arrogant and reckless. I had to do my way at all costs. I forgot what's like to love people (especially my normal friends) without asking them for anything in return or finding them too boring. I find myself still too numb to react to anyone's suffering or pain. I feel as if I'm too exhausted to care anymore.
Do you think the old me is till alive somewhere or do I have to build a new character? (Fake it till you make it). I am saying that because I cannot recall any single event from my using period or even before. It's either because I was too loaded or unconsciously my mind is blocking my memory as they're a constant reminder of a past I don't wish to recall. However,in the process I blocked the good memories too. People keep telling me "remember what this girl said & how you. or how we enjoyed this concert....".I just cannot remember. That's freaking me out.It's scary.I'm filling new blank pages with no single recollection of the past. So are the boundaries, the ones my AA homegroup constantly keep mentioning, step one in relation to people places and situations? Or are there some other boundaries that should be set early in recovery. I'm going to share this subject in a meeting tonight but I'd like to hear your feedback also. Thanks.
Would you mind if I asked you what you were using and how long you've been clean?
By setting boundaries on yourself you're telling yourself you want to stay clean. if you take drugs then you've croosed that boundary.
My suggestion to you would be this.
Take it easy... Take it day by day..Don't worry about yesterday but concentrate on tomorrow. You can think about all that other stuff some other time. Right now. concentrate on you. concentrate on recovering. concentrate on getting your life back. You may not rememeber who you were but that doesn't matter. the real you will start to surface once you overcome your addiction. more and more of the old you will resurface as you progress. You may not be exactly like you were before instead you may be a more mature version of who you once were.
It takes time.. It takes time to readjust. time to accept yourself for who you really are. Time to discover why you chose drugs in the first place. Was it social. was it issues you couldn't deal with. Are there issues you need to deal with.
The recipe to recovery is strength and determination. If you have that then nothing will stop you hun.