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Borderline Abusive Bipolar Boyfriend

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I don't know what to do. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now but we were friends before that for about 9 years. We've been living together for about this whole year as well. He was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and has not started any medication yet. Over the year a a couple times he put his hands on me but never directly hit me. He would push me really hard into something, grab my arms until I pleaded him to stop and recently wrapped his hands around my neck in a non-full-strength way of choking (which was thankfully brief). I have hit him back in self defense before but that has made him worse so I don't do that now. When his rage is triggered from an argument it's as if he's a different person. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and my lats relationship was mental messed up and so far this has been the best relationship. I don't know if I should leave him because of the way he treats me sometimes. Just today he stole my wallet just to piss me off he said and for hours I was worried someone stole it and was getting ready to cancel all my cards. He finally called and said he took it in a "who cares? It's no big deal" kind of voice. He hurt me again unintentionally today but didn't seem to care that he caused it. I called him to come home for a minute to talk and he hung up on me.

I worry because sometimes he gets really depressed and says he wants to kill himself, or that he just wants to get up and leave everything or says I'm crazy and we should break up. The break up never goes through but I'm starting to worry about our relationship. I need some advice from anyone who has dealt with a bipolar significant other. Is it his fault what he's doing? Or is it the disorder? Will medication help? Will he ever be the man I fell in love with without me worrying about him turning into that other person I don't recognize? The kind that so easily puts me down in front of others, treats me badly, calls me a slut and a prostitute and occasionally puts his hands on me (only grabbing no striking)? I want my babe back because aside from this emotional buildup everything is great! I'm just starting to really wear down because of it and I myself have been diagnosed and treated with social anxiety disorder. I tend to have panic attacks and they are mainly brought on these days by my boyfriend. He used to help me get through the panic attacks but now he ignores me and says I'm being "dramatic" and to "stop crying and shut up". It seems like as times gone by he seems to care less and less how much he hurts me and shrugs it off and just not a big deal and that I should just get over it. I really don't want to leave him but I'm starting to worry I'm one of those girls who is stuck in a borderline abusive relationship. Please help!
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First Helper Reggiane
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replied June 6th, 2011
Experienced User
I think much is due to his disorder and only you will know if you can put up with it for a long time. medication usually helps. I feel for you and hope you do the best. I also love my bf who is certaily BP and he can treat me real bad when he is 'off'. Im also in antidepressants and considering never come back to him when he finally wants me back as he always does.
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Users who thank Reggiane for this post: car25 

replied June 7th, 2011
Was your boyfriend diagnosed before you started dating or after? Mine was just diagnosed so he hasn't started taking medication yet because he says he wants to find a way to save money on it. That's fine except as time goes by he stops looking completely and starts to deny that he's bipolar. He'll say that he's acting that way because he's been unhealthy lately and that he's not bipolar. So I'm having trouble trying to get him to get help. It doesn't help that the topic usually gets him really upset and sometimes angry and these days the last thing I want to do is get him angry.
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replied June 13th, 2011
Experienced User
I can speak to the borderline disorder....as I was seeing someone who had Borderline and a touch of Bipolar (to include many other mental issues). The problem with Borderline....there are no known medications which will treat the disorder. From my understanding they have to go through intensive counseling for 18-24 months and to top it off the success rates are very limited. I was told this from a professional licensed psychiatrist who had worked on a study of patients with Borderline in a University setting. In my situation…..I ended the relationship by allowing her to believe something that was not true as this was the only method that would insure the relationship would end within her mind. Since ending it; I cut off all communications with her to ensure she can’t come back into my life again. I went this route because she would always find her way back into my life. Life is just too short to spend it with someone like her, someone who; didn’t treat me well (treated me like dirt), was constantly telling me I was lying, staring fights on almost a daily basis, left me over 19 times, had sex with other people while having sex with me (she even told me she would marry me during this period of time), allowed her friends to torment me via texts using her phone, had substance abuse issues with alcohol and prescription medications…..the list just goes on and on….it doesn’t stop. I allowed this fool in my life and for what? Two and a half years of misery and money owed to me she said she would pay back…..that’s all I received. Not all people are like this….however if you’re in a relationship with someone along these lines….I would recommend you end it.

Chris
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replied February 13th, 2014
Always always always you have to be mentally healthy to. It's OK to take a time out..walk away..calmly tell him you are putting yourself in a time out
..it's definitely a disease. That's how I handle what I'm going through.like cancer. A patient going through chemo. Someday will be great..someday will be horrible but in the end We are all waiting on remission cause there is no cure.
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