I ahve just met a really nice man...things have been going well but there had been nothing physical even after almost a month. I knew he had OCD regarding cleansliness but it is more complex than I thought. He does not like to kiss except little pecks and regarding sex things are even more complicated. His penis is small which he is very conscious about, he is unable to get an erection and can't pull foreskin back because it is too painful and hurts.
I really want things to work and have suggested he goes to a doctor about the forskin as I feel if it is painful it is unlikely to help him. He says he has no sex drive. I want to help him, he just seems resigned to the fact that that is the way things are and he has just accepted it. How can I help?
It kind of sounds like he needs to see a couple of doctors. If he cannot pull the foreskin back how can he properly clean himself? He should see someone about that definitely. Do you think he has depression along with being so self conscious? He may just need to talk to a professional to reassure him he is normal. Depression could explain the no sex drive.
thanks for the quick reply. Yes, he has been quite badly depressed, has very low self esteema dn I think it is all connected. He is 34 and just seems to have given up on it being sorted and when I justed going to a doctor about foreskin problem siad he couldn't. I know he needs some professional help but don't know the best way to help someone who doesn't care about himself...
The only way to get someone to get help is for them to realize they have a problem. Why can't he go to the doctor? I guess what you could do in the meantime is try to boost his self-esteem but that process can get exhausting if you are constantly reassuring and he isn't responding. Does he give you affection and compliment you? I hope you have a two way relationship in that respect..
It's wierd that he has OCD about cleanliness but cannot properly clean down there. There is a condition where the hole is too small for the penis to fit through and that can be cured by circumcision or trying to pull back the skin little by little each day. It will be uncomfortable but skin stretches in time.
I did actually mention circumcision but he immediately said no way to that.... he does realise he has a problem, just seems resigned to it . He hasn't had many relationships and I don't want to end ours, but I need some kind of physical relationship and dont think he should spend the rest of his life sexless!
He doesnt like receiving or giving oral sex, reluctant to touch me intimately and no kissing....I don;t think I will handle the lack of physical relationship...so want him to realise for both of s it should be sorted ....just how?
Hmmm.. That's tough. It would be extremely hard not to have a physical relationship. It makes you feel loved and wanted. Even if it is just cuddling.. Is he comfortable at all talking about it or does he just brush it off? Does he know that you need the physical portion of a relationship? I know you care about him but I wouldn't use all your energy trying to get him to experience physical closeness. The OCD probably needs to be dealt with first. There are treatments but again he has to be willing. It will be a long road and I worry that you will lose yourself in the process. I'm not saying to give up on him but it sounds like he has given up on himself. Can he truly love and care for you if he cannot care for himself?
yes, this is definitely a man!!i have seem him naked and whilst he may think his small penis means he isnt a man...he definitely is!
Michianderson..thanks for your replies again...he is comfortable talking about it to a point then I an tell that even discussing it is upsetting and brings him down.
I know it is likely to be a long road and I don;t know whether he will ever allow anyone to help him. i just feel he has given up and has decided sex is never going to be part of his life...but accepting this has caused him such problems with esteem and depression and lack of relationships. I want to help him overcome this and am at the point of wondering whether to continue with the relationship ( it has only been a month since we met so early days) or whether to give up .
I have had some useful information from searching online today so think I need to see if I can bring the subject of doctors/circumcison/counselling etc up again.
Thanks for the replies