About 3 years ago now i was diagnosed with mild BDD, it was considered mild in that it only affects my mood for very short periods of time, when i feel down about my appearence i will be annoyed about it for at the most a day and then forget about it, i have a problem with the majority of my physical features ranging from my nose to my height to my weight to my chin, depsite being told on a regular basis that i am a handsome young man, this may indeed be the case but it is my opinion of myself that matters to me, of course i do care that others find me acceptable looking but i just want to see myself as others see me, not look in a mirror and pick constant holes in the smallest of things.
It was also considered minor due to the fact that i have no problem leaving my house or being in social situations, i will quite happily sit amongst friends in a pub but will constantly compare myself to them and consider myself below them.

I do not want to downplay this as i do feel i can suffer quite bad panic attacks as a result of this but find that as i have no problems in who i am as a personality that it often hides the truth of how i feel about myself as i keep it very hush hush.

The one main problem that i find and am worried will worsen over time is having my photo taken, it started about 3 years ago really when i found it difficult to have my photo taken at university and hated the results, i have often been told that i am not at all photogenic and rarely look like my photos but i always despised the person i saw and considered myself as ugly. It has progressed to the point now where i cannot even have a camera pointed at me and once resulted in me threatening to punch my female flatmate which is completely out of character for me, the second a camera is pointed at me (even if i dont see the photo) i instantly feel ugly, it will ruin a whole night for me and i will want to go home immediately, it has now got to the point where i will literally break down and have a panic attack if a camera is even slightly near me and should i see the photo even if its a 'good' photo of me i will feel the need to torture mself for being ugly, i lose all rationality and it resulted in me deleting my facebook account due to excessive tagging of photos that ruined my memory of what i considered to be good nights out.

It feels as if i am the worst person in the photo and i am seriously worried that this is creating a bitter, angry side to my personality and would love to just not care if my photo is taken but retain a feeling of calm and that i am not the worst thing on this planet but i cannot find a way.

I tried therapy but it just did not work for me, even after a year i just felt exactly the same, although the therapy helped other aspects of the alleged BDD which have since subsided and i now often have a rational opinion that opposes my negative thoughts i still cannot get over this camera/photo thing.

I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how i could confront/tackle and overcome this fear as i feel it is something that is alien to people who do not neccesarily understand BDD.

Also if anyone would like to generally talk about BDD i would love to discuss emotions and other peoples feelings as i am the only person i know that has been diagnosed with it and would love jst for once not to feel so alone.

Any help or advice or even small talk given would really make me feel so much calmer.

Thankyou