Bipolar Disorder Forum - Bipolar with Life/Marriage issues

Wow, there is a lot going on here. I'll try to address each item, one by one.

Bipolar disorder is challenging with the most supportive family and friends. Having a family that does not support your relationship complicates life greatly. Perhaps they were able to see things in this man that you are blind to. Firstly, he is a liar. That leaves him suspect to what else he may be lying about. You have had two therapists tell you he is not a good influence in your life. Perhaps they can objectively look into the relationship and see what you are unable to see. I would certainly give pause to what you are being told.

People that suffer with bipolar disorder are often targets for others in our society that are opportunistic, manipulative, predatory, and have sociopathic natures. These personality types will prey upon those they can control and manipulate. How they are able to "pick out" a person that has a mental disorder is complicated. They are masters of observation generally and can sense weaknesses in others. Your husband could sense your neediness in your correspondences. He misrepresented himself. You forgave him. Did he have multiple reasons for his deception? Did he turn the situation around and let you assume the guilt for his behavior? Does he sabotage your plans? When you plan to get together with family or friends does he find ways to ruin your plans? What about holidays? Does he find a way to start an argument and destroy the festive occasion? These are just a few examples of how manipulation and emotional blackmail can play out in a relationship. The type of people that do these things are parasites. They will drain you of life and viability. You will be left a shell of a person. This is a dangerous place for anyone to be but especially if you have a mental health disorder. You are much less able to cope with this type of emotional game play. It can result in you becoming very unstable with your mood disorder. It can trigger a major episode for you.

Your psychiatrist needs to address your depression, whether situational or not. You have a mood disorder. It does not matter what triggers the episode. When you have a mood disorder you are much more susceptible to events in life that cause emotional upset. This is a slippery slope to be on. How far you will slide depends upon how well your medication stabilizes you and what type of coping skills you have to draw upon. If your coping skills are weak you are left with little to assist you other than medication. Any shift into mania or depression needs to be treated. Even a temporary increase in one medication can be enough to get you through a rough spot.

My impression is that you need to continue to see your therapist. Your husband lied from the start. You need to acknowledge this fact. Yes, it breaks your heart. Mourn that aspect of your relationship then move into acknowledging other aspects of the relationship your therapist guides you into recognizing as toxic. With your mood disorder you are very vulnerable. If your husband is truly manipulative and emotionally blackmailing then you are in a very tenuous situation. I would be concerned about how this relationship will effect you in the coming months and years.

I don't know that he has your best interests at heart. He did not consider you when he lied about his age? What effect his lies may have had upon you? He used this lie to maneuver in the relationship and draw you in. He is 30 years older than you! What common ground do you share? You are a young woman, in the prime of her life. This man is middle aged and well past the stages of life you have yet to go through. This leaves a large gap for commonality in the relationship. One might suppose he was in the relationship because of what he could bring you but when one begins a relationship with a lie you must be suspect about his motives and sincerity.

I wish I could offer you something on a more positive note. My feeling is that this man purposely mislead you for his own gain. Now, you are in a relationship that is potentially dangerous for you to be in. Psychologically this could derail you and leave you in a severe depression.

My first marriage was much like yours. My ex emotionally blackmailed me, sabotaged my life and was manipulative, demanding, controlling and psychologically and emotionally abusive. It took several years of therapy and self examination for me to realize I was not the problem. He was. He still has his issues. I moved on in my life and thrived despite the relationship. You will too.

I hope you will continue with your therapy. Listen to those around you. They see things you are blind to. Continue with your medications. Be well. Let us know how you are doing.