Bipolar Disorder Forum - Bipolar wife

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Q: Bipolar wife

asked by: bw44 on December 4th, 2008

New User

Hi, I have been married to my bi-polar wife for 16 yrs. And it has been a very difficult road to say the least. Over the yrs. she has had several melt downs, she has cheated on me and i have stuck by her. We have to kid’s girl 16, boy 6. And as I said it has been tuff. Most recently she has discovered instant messaging and my space etc...Well this has lead to the most serious problems yet. She spends every waking moment on line in the bedroom with the door locked most of the time ignoring her family and our little boy. When I try to talk about it she of course claims I am wrong it’s no big deal etc..So I decided to put some spy software on the computer to see what was going on. Turns out I found out more then I bargained for. She has been e-mailing men with a web cam on doing all kinds of foul sexual behavior. And the big one is she got sucked in by some dude from Nigeria who claims to be rich and lives in Ca. but working in Nigeria. And he talked her into sending $400.00 bucks of our hard earned money to this jerk. She has known him 2 weeks and is in love and wants to get divorced. When I confronted her she of course blew up, doesn't believe what I am trying to tell her. She then packed her bags and left. Coming back the next morning. I tried to sit down and work out the problems, she then totally melted down and tried to hurt herself. I had to call an ambulance and she was admitted to a mental health facility (again). I just don’t know what to do she tells me on the phone last night she is not sure what she wants, if she wants to make things work with our family because she cares about this internet guy. Any Help???

Replies(8)

puzzld

replied on December 4th, 2008

Supporter

that sucks bad! does she take meds? i am married and have bipolar disorder. i do not behave that badly. no judgement... right. i have in the past though. before i found the proper med cocktail. it only helps but it does so very well. it's not worth the risk going off them. what's your wife's take? puzzld

umpy

replied on January 16th, 2009

New User

I also have Bipolar Wife

I feel for you, my wife is bipolar and our marriage is at an earlier stage and we dont have kids. I was puzzled about some aspects of her behaviour before we married and now after reading posts in this forum I am 100% convinced she has all the symptoms and it is tough to live with. Its all well and good to talk meds but if she is cheating like that on the net maybe you need to leave her, I know its easier said than done but we are talking about a lack of respect. I also suspect my bipolar wife of similar activities and caught her out flirting online with another man. I personally am preparing myself emotionally for the breakup. Good luck

lostalone

replied on January 16th, 2009

New User

wife won't tell husband she'd been diagnosed as BP

Hello, I have been married 15 year and it has been a very tough road for the last 3 in particular.I asked my wife about a week ago if she has been diagnosed as bipolar. She's been on many, many medicines that are for bipolar and her father was bi-polar and her brother is also bipolar. She told
me "no, I have never been officially diagnosed", but
in researching bipolar and visiting websites and forums, I found a post that is hers where she state
specifically that she was diagnosed 3 years ago after her mother's death. I also found another post for her on the same forum indicating she wanted to try acid and Extacy---wondering if that would be a problem? Duh, the reply was an astouding no from the administrator of the site.

She's recently had an affair, goes out regularly with a group of friends after work at night which is 10-15 years younger than her. We have 3 children
and our marriage is on the rocks. We've had many other issues, spending, dependancy, she was raised in an alcoholic family etc.

We have seen a counselor for years. She & I have discussed Histrionic Bipolarism and it seems to really fit. I am now looking for a professional's advise as to how to approach my wife. I see my counselor on monday.

Please let me know what I should do. I don't know this person any more.

umpy

replied on January 16th, 2009

New User

to lostalone

I really hope you can maybe find some balance of meds that helps your wife. You mention that you have 3 children so I guess its natural to do everything you can to keep it all together. I have been married for just under a year and we are yet to have children so I am asking if you could please hear some of my experiences and tell me if they are similar to those with your wife so maybe I can prevent myself going through more pain by having children with my wife. She goes through stages of abusing me verbally for imagined reasons (a real talent for being nasty), mixed with being normal and even real happy, cant get her life together, sleeps all day wakes very late, stays up all night, caught her engaging in online cheating (not the real thing as I am away a lot, who knows she certainly cant seem to give up clubbing even though shes married. please advise me if you can relate to any of this with your wife, you will be doing me a great favour. I really hope things work out for you

daybell

replied on March 18th, 2009

New User

i have bipolar and have been married 14 years. i cheated on my husband 12 yrs into the marriage and regretted it staight away it only went on for a week, bt i thought my husband didnt love me any more. i couldn't have been more wrong now were stronger than ever. i take lots of meds and can be difficult to live with it's hard on all sides. we have a 13 yr old daughter who is finding it hard to cope and we don't no where to go for help for her.

faidwen

replied on March 18th, 2009

New User

Oh this post is so sad and so familiar... The last time I thought I didn't need lithium, I would go through cycles of hating myself and deciding my family was better off without me, drinking, carrying on with a karaoke host, and finally slashing my wrists in the bathtub and having an ambulance ride and 2 weeks in the hospital. After 2 weeks and finally stabilizing on the lithium I thought I didn't need... I didn't even know how to look at my family that I had really hurt. That was my hitting bottom spot I guess. I promised to stay med compliant and keep my appts. That was 3 years ago.

Your wife is still in there, I promise. But the responsibility of all of this is not just yours. She knows she's sick and I'm sure that the intense therapy she is receiving right now will tell her over and over again how important it is to stay med compliant. Her part of the deal is just that. Keep your appointments, take your medications. Otherwise I see no reason for you and your children to continue to take the pain and emotional abuse of her avoidable rollercoaster.

gdmike

replied on April 12th, 2009

New User

bipolar or what?

My wife has never been diagnosed, but she has always been real nice and real mean to me and our kids. recently she cussed me out, i moved out, she filed for divorce and gave me custody of the 3 kids. she wont even call them or see them. she wont even call her sisters or friends. we are divorced now after 11 years and its too bad for all of us, because she is so wonderful when she is doing ok. mike

Twistedways

replied on April 16th, 2009

New User

I am a wife with the same thing as her

Hi. I am bi polar and my husband is not. We have two kids together ages 5 and 7. I have left him so many times in 9 years neither him nor I can keep count. The last time I left was this last November, and he actually filed the divorce. I slept with guys while we were seperated but it is still cheating when i only leave for a week or two. My poor children are messed up in the heads because they don't know if I am coming or going. As of now I am with my husband, but the divorce has not been canceled. It is final in a month. I still don't know what I want. I have no job no money, no where to go, and everyone thinks I am crazy. I want the divorce, but I don't want to hurt him or the kids anynore. But in the same aspect he is the only one who keeps me in check. I broke my husbands heart, and trust, and i feel bad for you because i know what both you and your wife are going through. My husband is my catchers mitt when I fall. Good luck!

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