Hi all, so i have been dating my bipolar boyfriend for 1.5 years now (lived with him for almost all of it), i knew him for over a year before we got involved (we worked together and were both in other relationships), i knew he was bipolar but working with him in ever really noticed it. when we started seeing each other he was very honest with me that he had been with lots of women, has debts because he is bad with money, and cheated on every relationship he had ever been in (to my knowledge he has been in 7 long term relationships and 2 times engaged).
He was unmediated when we started dating, but went back on them for a short while (4 months), in which time i felt unloved/forgotten, the meds zeroed his emotions and were ruining our relationship, he never touched/kissed me let alone want to have sex with me. i am in my early 20's (he’s in his early 30’s) and sex with him is the only sex i have enjoyed (have had only 2 partners), this was a crushing blow to my self-esteem, so he stopped taking the medication (he didn’t like taking in the first place, he says even though they 'slow down' his head they take away the joy/happiness), the sex has not improve much since he stopped the meds, but I have come to terms with the fact that he will have his cycles and sometimes I have to be ok with the fact that he won’t be interested in sex.
Due to the fact that he is a computer wiz (previous profession) I am very leery of the time he spends on the internet, he is up at all hours of the night online, and despite the fact he has a laptop at his bedside he will get up and use the computer in the other room when i am asleep. One day (about a year into the relationship) I snooped on his computer (which he usually leaves password locked) and found e-mails to a woman talking about sexual things and alluding to webcam sex, he also sent her a photo of ME (weird?) and his penis. I confronted him about it, he tried to deny it, I made him open the e-mails and look at them with me, turns out he has done this with her before (maybe slept with her, she lives in our area) he blocked her and promised it would never happen again, he said he didn’t know why he did it (this was at a time he wasn’t even having sex with me, extra big slap in the face). I also found naked and sex photos of him with previous girlfriend/fiancées, which he says he didn’t know were on their (ya right).
He has since left his computer unlocked and access to emails/msn open for my piece of mind (the last 6 months), and I do frequently look to see what he is doing (search the history), he used to visit a lot of “chat” rooms at night (when I’m sleeping) everyone else on them is looking for sex (webcam, cyber you name it) but as per his internet history has not in quite some time, but he could just erase them. He downloads (and I assume watches, but never with me or while I’m awake) a lot of porn, which doesn’t really bother me. Recently an x-girlfriend (now married, but that means nothing in his friend circle) sent him an msn message (saying HI are you there) when I was at his computer which he told me to close, he promptly changed his msn/Hotmail password and left it logged off?? Weird.
I love him but I don’t trust him.
I don’t even really have a question, I just needed to ‘talk’ that out, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get hurt (again), and I would like to put a tracker on his computer (I have my own) to see where he goes online (he’s smart enough to delete the history if he goes somewhere he shouldn’t) but since he’s a computer wiz I’m sure he would know so I cant. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this, I don’t do personal chats of this nature with my family and I don’t really have any friends to talk to.
he has changed his life (for the better) quite a lot since we have been together, my hope is that he really does love me enough for the relationship to work, and for him to stay faithful. He quit some pretty harsh/addictive drugs, as well as quitting drinking heavily a few years before i met him. he has pretty much quit smoking cigarettes (i know he has them occasionally at work, never at home) since we have been together (i dont know that i would reccomend bipolar people take champex, that quite smoking med, my bf had some pretty insane vivid dreams while taking it, even ON his bp meds).
He sounds like a dud to me. If you can't trust him, it will just intensify as time goes on.
To me, the interest in Webcams and stuff like that is not bad, unless you're trying to hook up with people. The fact that he sent your picture raises a lot of concern. I bet he wasn't doing it out of sharing, but to brag or for some other atypical reason. Secrecy is a very bad sign!
I would get out now. These relationships can be exciting with all the mystery involved--What does he really think or do? Plus, not knowing what can be expected is exciting.
I have the same problem to an extent with my GF! The question you have to ask yourself is, can you live with the fact that he is sleeping with others besides you? I would say that you have already been cheated on, so I would take this question seriously. Internet history can easily be deleted and made to look like nothing has ever happened, while leaving sites that would not normally leave red flags.I know from experince! The bottom line is trust your gut feelings, and remember it WILL get worse!!!!!!! Secrecy is not love!
Oh my gosh, Where have yall been my entire 6 years with my bipolar spouse. I really had no idea about them until now. I mean I had my suspicians but now I see my gut feelings were right about him. We recently broke up and now I see it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I was really starting to feel hatred for him and now I know why. I am muchto stable for someone like him being Christian raised in the south with strong moral and ethical values. I wish now I had never met him except for his two beautiful kids that love me. He just poisons anyone that is good and true. I hope he gets what he deserves. This is coming of course from a place of anger, so please don't be to hardon me. I gave him some of the best years of my life. Zoochy
My girlfriend was exactly the way Prettyfish' boyfriend was. Mine was worse because she has cheated on me physically twice and emotionally numerous times. The entire 3 years i was with her, i never trusted her because of the frequent cyclical betrayal. She is also a compulsive liar and actor. She would talk bad about me to her ex boyfriends and other people but would act loving in front of me. I have found that out from snooping in her emails and text. It was just getting too much for me too handle. She used to be extremely crabby at times and surprisingly happy the next moment. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. I loved her more than i have loved any other girls in my life. So, i decided to move to neighboring state in the hope that she might miss me and not repeat things like that. But instead, i heard rumors that she was having affair with guys. When i confronted her via chat, she denied it and said all she wanted was to be independent. I broke up with her right there and then. And all her attributes and behavior i mentioned above are just the tip of the iceberg.
But judging from her past, i am positive that she will beg to return to me. And i am utterly indecisive if i should accept her back. I dont want to go through the same betrayal and the dark phase of not being able to trust someone. Should i just look for someone else and forget her completely? Please advise...
Sorry that this reply comes so late, perhaps too late.
I had to leave my BP boyfriend as well, could not handle the whole thing anymore, we had HUGE trust issues, I never knew where I was with him, he didnt know if he was coming or going, I didnt trust him at all and with reason, he also didnt trust me without any reason whatsoever, I have never given him reason not to trust me.I hope you are ok. Let me know.