As I am learning more about BP, I am becoming more scared and anxious. My husband, who I had been married to for about 8 months and we have a 6 month old baby together, has recently been hospitalized for the first time. I dated my husband for about 3 years and after about a year, I learned that he has BP. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know anything about BP and I couldn't relate it to a mental illness. I just thought it was his personality! I coped with all of this for 3 years and am just so frustrated, lonely, scared, and have so much anxiety. Throughout our relationship, we had many, many arguments. He has many highs and many lows. Unfortunately, his highs have consisted of gambling, cheating, staying up all night, playing video games, and calling people on the phone. I dont know whether his highs are mixed with his lows, or when one ends and another begins. He doesn't show much affection toward me anymore, maybe because of all of the fights. I have hurt him physically and mentally before. A fight ended once in me throwing chocolate milk in his face, throwing formula at him, pushing him out of my face, and me pulling him out of my way, slapping him and punching him. I know I have an anger problem and I am going to begin counceling and since I am on zoloft now, I will be seeing a psychiatrist. Words can not explain how sorry I feel about me hurting him.
Usually the fights have started by him insulting me and then following me to a corner of a room where I feel trapped. He screams at me, and calls me all these names. When I begin to feel him chasing me into a room and does not leave me alone, I do push him out of the way. The time I punched him is when I pushed him out of my face and he grabbed my arm, so I threw my fist in his face to get him off of me. When I did that, he fell and I proceeded to hit him a few more times but to try to make a point that I will not tolerate him cornering me. I know I have so many problems and I pray one day that he either calls the police or that he hits me hard so that I can just stop and leave him. I just want to go on with my life but its so bad and I am worried about leaving. It only got really bad after we had our son and things got really stressful. I am glad my husband is not around so I cant hurt him. I just want my son to grow up without abusive parents. I dont know whether I should just leave (while he is in hospital), wait for him to come out and leave him, or try counceling. We both come from a past of abuse and it does not end. I really want my son to grow up in a healthy, stable and happy home.
I had a bipolar wife AND children doing the same. Don't feel guilty about what you did: cornering, grabbing or pushing you around is considered assault, so you have the right to respond proportionally. All this is part of the disease, don't blame him, blame the disease. My STRONG suggestion is for now, go to court, use the hospital as the base for full support of your baby and leave before he comes back. Afterwards, when you are safe somewhere else, you can only think of going back together ONLY if he commits to a psychitric and Psychological treatment and medication.
I keep you in my prayers, I know what it is,