bp looking for help, You sound just like my wife, except she freaks out when I get close to her (freaks out when I don't). Every day is a grind, there is nothing to celebrate in my life anymore, when I compare these last 5 years to other periods in my life my memories are like a smashed bottle under a grey sky. I love her and want to support her, but nothing I do is good enough and whenever she is upset or angry it's always all my fault no matter what.
I have to go for a biospy and she said if it's cancer she's definately getting a divorce because I'll be even more useless and won't be able to support her. I can't bear the thought of leaving her to fend for herself but my life really isn't up to much. I'm old fashioned and I got married cos I wanted to love and care for her until we grew old and died. She constantly says she wants a divorce, but then goes mental if I consider it.
Recently she said she may have bipolar after talking to a doctor (at work - she didn't go and see a doctor) and this is the first sign that she admits there's a problem. She isn't lashing out at me and trashing the flat anymore, so maybe she's improving.
I just hate my life. I do my best not to think about it. Because it's unbearable.