Been preliminarily diagnosed (by GP - awaiting psychiatrist assessment) with one of these and put on mood stabilisers. I think I've been misdiagnosed but when I imlpied this to my GP he just said "it sounds to me like you're having mixed episodes" and seemed adament.

Here's a list of stuff that's happened to me:

Under 10 years of age:
- hallucinations

11 - 18 years of age:
- bouts of violence (strangling friends out of curiousity and hitting people out of rage, trashing rooms at school)
- catatonic (?) episodes (best way I can describe it)
- eating disorders
- self harm and hitting my head against walls
- running away
- severe depressive state.
- some hyperactivity but NO feelings of euphoria I remember.

18 years of age:
- rapidly cycling moods from euphoria (intense feelings of joy - would laugh and smile almost uncontrollably, everything looked/smelt/felt beautiful, become fiaxted on aesthetically pleasing things like trees and jewellery.) for a couple of hours at most swinging immediately to intense depression.
- bingeing alcohol, drugs, food "to knock me out" at night time.

19 years of age:
- extreme stress and anxiety ending in agoraphobia.
- restlessness
- extreme social phobia.
- irrational fears
- lots of energy and very good concentration/drive
- ability to work 16 hours a day
- "Epithanies" - have to get up at night to write poems that just "appear in my mind" - making quick connections in complex theoretical material I was studying at the time but speed was dizzying and couldn't stop thinking about it (ie. in shower etc.)
- doing a lot of projects at once.

20 - 22 years of age:
- some euphoria similar to when 18 but instead of enjoying it I feel like I'm going crazy. - only for a couple of hours
- extreme insomnia
- restlessness (can't feel comfortable unless I'm moving - ie. shaking my leg)
- difficulty in concentrating
- extreme hypersomnia (miss out whole days)
- inability to function at work etc. - can't wake in the morning/severe panic attacks/don't feel like I care about anything anymore and don't feel that consequences are important.
- can't keep up with life/no motivation - don't wash frequently enough, don't clean house, don't go outside, live off take-aways, don't want to see people
- extremely obsessive.
- some experiences of racing thoughts or too many ideas - too many to keep up with - feel as if I want to "get off the treadmill" - upsetting and frustrating - lasts maybe a day or two but no longer.
- catatonic episodes

The vast majority of my symptoms have been prolonged and very distruptive anxiety and depression. Grew quickly in confidence once I was put on antidepressants when I was 19 but didn't enjoy some of the "high" feelings. Only lasted 6 months before I fell into a bad depression which has lasted since then. Have never taken a risk in my life, never feel like I have a good self-esteem, never overly-sociable, not particularly impulsive (except if under stress)

Just wanted to know if bipolar people feel this way or not or recognise my history (as my illness constantly changes) because to me it all just sounds like anxiety/depression. I see no evidence of bipolar and don't want to be misdiagnosed.

Thanks.