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Bipolar girlfriend breakup confusion

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So, about 4 months ago, I started a relationship with a girl with bipolar disorder. I wasn't too worried because things were great between us. Of course they were great because she was being hypomanic. Looking back, I see this and wished things had been a little less good. Then, 2 months into our relationship, she goes off her medications because they were delivered to the wrong location. So, for a week, she is off her meds. Meanwhile she pushes me away and acts like she is irritated by me and doesn't want to spend much time talking to me. After she got back on her meds, she tells me she had gone off them, but she still needed her space. So, I am emotionally hurt from the previous week, and I am needing time with her. This was a quick change for me because she used to want to spend time with me constantly and now she runs away from me and tells me to giver her the space she needs.

She did her best to try to let me know that I can't understand what goes through her mind, and that I needed to give her space. But, at the same time she wouldn't compromise with me and give me some personal time with her. When I told her that it was like she didn't care, she said that she literally couldn't care, and it was not anything personal but to just give her space. Well, I hadn't done my research that this is normal and this is what sometimes happens with bipolar relationships, so I kept pushing her and I got frustrated.

She stopped talking to me after about a month of the push and pull because she couldn't deal with the stress of a relationship during her depression phase. I asked her if it was a change in me that made it too stressful and she said it was she who changed. Before, she didn't think I asked too much of her and put too much pressure on her. It could be that she was so willing to spend time with me that I felt pressured. But, when she pulled everything out from under me, I got nervous and over reacted to trying to save our relationship out of fear. So, I lasted 5 days without talking to her before it became too much and I told her it was over.

As soon as I break up with her, she wants to talk again like we used to, just not about our relationship. It was like she was afraid to completely let me go or she didn't want to but felt like she had to. She just felt I was creating too much pressure for her and I wanted a relationship that felt too emotional and too close.

Now, she is nervous around all straight guys so she spends time with her homosexual friends. She says she hopes things will be better in the fall, but right now she wants her bubble.

What I find odd is what she said about why she broke it off between us. Also, I find it odd that she freaked out and wanted to start talking, though she didn't really make sense when I told her it was over because she said she couldn't date me right now. It was like she feared me not talking to her again like she didn't want to end our relationship, but felt no other choice.

Now she seems to talk to me when she is stressed, and other times she doesn't want to talk to me, like yesterday, which would have been the 3rd official month of us together. I don't know if she will want to give this another try later when she feels more stable or if she will go manic/hypomanic and move to someone else like she has in the past.

I just wish I knew how she still felt about me despite my failure at coping with her episode during my first experience with it. I know she running from a relationship is not something that is uncommon, but why would she say she can't date me right now and fear losing our communication?
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replied June 27th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Honestly, the best thing I can suggest is to try and be a good friend for her. It sounds like she really can't deal with a relationship right now. It's hard, when you're having enough trouble coping with yourself and your own moods, to also cope with a partner and their moods. Know what I mean? I would suggest just being a good friend, tell her you're there for her (as a friend) don't do anything romantic, but be there and just be available when she needs someone to talk to, hang out with, etc.

Don't get your hopes too high about getting back together. She might later decide she wants to be with you, and you have the best chances of that happening if you stick by and be a good friend. She'll realize what a great guy you are and either come back to you in a relationship, or as a friend.
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replied August 20th, 2012
run for your life
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replied August 21st, 2012
Do some research on bipolar disorder like a lot. Maybe watch a documentary to understand. Then sit down and talk with her and let her know what you've done and that you want to try. I was like that with my boyfriend but her didn't give up and he understood my problem and now we're married.
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