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Bipolar Fiance

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July 8th, 2008
Hi everyone,
I'm in a very complicated situation. I've been with my fiance since we were 18, engaged now for over 3 years & together for 8 1/2. His symptoms have been evident for the past 5 years.
He doesn't manage it properly & hadn't been seeing a counselor since his episode of psychotic mania in 2006 when he thought that Nostradomus had predicted he'd be the next & last Pope of the Catholic Church. In '05 he abruptly stopped taking his antidepressents & over a few months time became depressed & almost succeeded in killing himself.
He's manic again & has been for about 6 months. I have begged him to get back on Seroquel but he rarely admits that he's bipolar (even though that's his diagnosis). In March, he got arrested 2x for crimes he committed while he was CLEARLY manic (vandalism in a strip club & Disorderly Conduct at a bar). In April, we both needed to get away from this mess he created & spent a week in Europe. When we came back, he cheated on me with the easiest slut in town, a worker from the facility he was assigned to do his Community Service in.
After years of taking care of him, protecting him, encouraging him, and constantly worrying about him. I'd decided I'd had enough & left my job & moved out of state for the entire month of May.
But, when I was gone, I was still worrying about him. I found out that this relationship with the slut only lasted for one night because he became 'violent' towards her. Then, he got evicted from our apartment for his loud & bizarre behavior.
So, I drove all the way back here because I was so worried about him & the landlord allowed us to stay, as long as I was also residing here. But, when he drinks & smokes pot & takes his antidepressents his behavior, of course, became intolerable again. I ended up calling the police & pressing domestic violence charges against him.
Now, he's on probation & is court-ordered to not drink & smoke pot. This is a huge blessing & a chance for him to regain his life & start making sober thoughts....
I haven't seen my sweet boyfriend for years now. I'm still holding on to the memories, but all of our other friends have long since jumped ship & want nothing to do with him...
I'm in counseling now & my job let me take advantage of FMLA leave. My mind is clearer, but I'm still so confused.
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MandMs
replied July 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I agree that this could be a chance for him to try to fix his life.
And, a last chance given from you.
You can urge him to seek professional help, because, people in manic state never admit they need help (most of them are visiting doctor when are in depressed state)
Bipolar disease usually have devastating effects on relationships.
He needs treatment, because bipolar disorder tends to worsen without treatment (usually there are multiple episodes of mania if untreated and untreated pure manic episodes usually last 6 weeks)

Best wishes for you and your boyfriend!
Marija
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rock_digger
replied July 11th, 2008
You can lead a horse to water....
A relationship is based on trust and commitment. The commitment to the relationship doesn't just mean staying with the other person if you are bp. It means the commitment to do anything and everything in your power to keep yourself well and stabilized.

If you are not mature enough to stay on your meds and continue treatment then you are not mature enough to handle a relationship.

Evita...doesn't matter that it was just one night...he still broke your trust by cheating on you and you will never forget it. I think you made the right call by leaving and starting over, but then put everything at risk by coming back to his mess. You can't fix him....he needs to take care of that.

I would leave him to figure everything out and if he ends up homeless, let his family worry about it. You need to move forward with your life and your dreams and not be held back by someone that doesn't find you important enough to take care of themselves.

You know this is going to keep happening until he finally gets it and that usually comes when a person finally reaches bottom. If someone keeps bailing them out, it will continue.
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reach4harmony
replied September 25th, 2008
Rethink everything through and through
From experience, let me tell you. I recently found out that my husband of 5 years is bipolarII and ADHD. It is all new to both of us. Right now I am living with my step mom. He is in our home. He went to get help because I would not come back otherwise. I have been told his doctor (physchiatrist) that this will be an off and on thing for the rest of both your lives if you choose to stay. I am in the process of rethinking still. The symtoms, he has displayed to me were, lots of spending, lots of trips paid for by his clients, I dont know if they included infidelity or not, rages and mood swings off and on, if I were sick or tired and he wanted sex and didnt get it ...he would get mad and pouty, he doesnt have much relationships with friends or his own family and yet I am well liked by his family, he can get on a topic and preach at you and go on and on and on. When I got a new car recently, I went from a chev to a ford. I simply asked him ... show me where the emergency flashers are on the car... that set him off... Havent you read the book?, dont you know how to drive your car, etc...I am on antidepressants to cope. Yes, I love the him w/o the BP. This is my 2nd marriage in my 50 years. This is his 4th in 50 years. It was all every other womans fault. I havent found any infidelity clues but i have heard that that is a key symptom as well. Yet ,he doesnt have problems holding a job.He is extremely intelligent, even after dropping out of school and being on his own since 9th grade. He told me he knew he had to changfe because he didnt want to live without nice things. He has his ged, he is a master electrician, and is a project manager for a hospity remdeling department. And last, I was told that I would have to be his care taker and manager of meds if we intend on having money, home, and a decent loving life together. And that there would be set backs.
This is just something to think about ....If I were you and you are still young ...I would walk away and start a new life. I know you love him but it isnt going to be easy...it never is but ...you are starting with problems before you get married. Good luck and you are in my prayers. SherriT
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