Basically, me and my ex girlfriend (who has been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and takes medication) where together for almost 21 months. We are both 18 years old and we where in a long distance relationship.. Now i know everyone on this forum will wonder how did this relationship work? But it did for the first 1 year, everything was amazing, everything went well, she seemed rather obsessed with me (which i didn't mind), wanted to talk to me all the time, used to show me lots of love, when we saw each other it would be amazing, lots of cuddles, kisses etc, the usual lovey things. Until things went a bit downhill, she was judging the relationship, we used to break up (just for the day usually) over silly things, I guess overtime I took her for granted I thought to myself she would just come running back everytime until the tables turned and everything changed.
One time we broke up for a month because she was stressed due to exams + having to revise for 5 different subjects because she is going to university this year dependent on her results, we continued talking and one day we met up and talked properly face to face, I finally got out of her when she finishes her exams she would give our relationship another go.
Anyways, keep a long story short, for the past 1 month (or longer) she has been going out everyday, trying her best to get out of the house because her dad also suffers from Bipolar (he is about x3 worse than her in my opinion) and her mother may have Cancer, so to stop her drifting into a depressive phase she is trying her best to get out and about to forget about her worries.
I had suspissions that something was going on behind my back because I would try my best to create convosation with her and in reply I would get the shortest answers, she wouldn't create it back with me, I just had to prove this. After about 1 week of getting this treatment I phoned her and tried to discuss the situation, she said she was 'busy' and she stated she didn't know what to talk to me about, she said she was sick of telling me what she was doing, even if she goes out at night (all night), I asked her if she loved me and I got back "yeah, I do, but not in the way you want me too".
When I got home that night I went on one of her best friends profiles on Facebook (because I don't have her added on her Facebook due to certain reasons which I won't go into), I noticed that he came friends with someone so out of curiousity I clicked the persons profile who he became friends with and realised the boy who her best friend became friends with is "in a relationship" with my girlfriend!! I was so angry, I didn't know what to think, I felt useless and I felt nothing to her anymore. I phoned her and said a lot of stuff as you can imagine, (you would understand if you have ever been in my situation). She hung up on me and I tried to phone her yet again, no answer.
1 hour later I get a text message saying why she done it, saying she was in the relationship just for my benefit because she didn't want to hurt me anymore than what she has done, the whole time she was trying to push me away so that I would end the relationship so it would be a mutual breakup, but I found over Facebook and this made me MUCH angrier.
We talked for about 2 weeks after this, I said the usual stuff, trying to get her back because I totally 100% love her. I said everything under the sun, literally everything to try and get her back with me, nothing. I have emotionally given up at this point.
I will now tell you all what our situation is now:
She is with another boy, she got with him on the 24th of July, she has known him for 2 weeks, I said 'this is a rebound' she states that it is not a rebound, but in my head I know it is.
She needs to get out of her house because of her Mum and Dads' situations, if she doesn't get out of there, her Bipolar will get dramatically worse and she may end up in hospital again.
She doesn't have many friends, she has about 3 best friends, because over time she has pushed them away due to the way she is, her friends cannot go out with her alot of the time so she has got with this boy, he goes out a lot, has lots of friends, so she feels if she gets "in a relationship" with him she will be able to go out a lot, get her mind off things etc.
She says she wants to be 'friends' with me and I think you all know that is literally impossible to deal with, maybe over time when I have moved on I can be friends with her but it will take ALONG time to get over her as I love her with all my heart, at this moment in time I want her so bad, but I just know whatever I say I cannot get through her head, it's like talking to a brickwall most of the time when it comes to relationships.
She said to be "we can talk normally, see how it goes without pressure and maybe we can get back together?". I just know even if things progressed between us, she won't break up with him becuase of the fact that she still wants to go out with him and get out of her house?
She added the fact she wants to live her youth, she doesn't want to look back and hate me because of the fact I stopped her enjoying herself entirely? She wants to get the most out of it, but I don't see why I would stop her because I have NEVER told her that she can't go out, and I never will say that, so thats just Bull. She will hate me the fact that we got so serious at such a young age.
So basically, in 5 weeks, she will be back to square one, she will be moving to University (she would be closer to me than she would be to him) she will be in another long distance relationship with him if she continues to go out with him (which she said she is basically with him so that she can go out alot more), now, I am not a relationship expert but I really do not see this relationship lasting, I got a feeling she will break up with him a week before she leaves for University, but when she goes to University, she will have to make new friends, will they accept her for the way she is? Overall won't she feel worse because she has nobody to talk to about her problems (which she could discuss with me?).
You can call me any names you want, but I am just telling you the situation from my point of view, I really do not know what to think anymore, I wish I knew what to think but it's just impossible, I still love her but I feel because she has moved on, I should also move on, but it is ALOT harder than said, I still love her to pieces, I miss her so much at this moment in time, I hope one day soon, she will realise and will come running back and maybe we can have something but I cannot wait for ever, I have told her this. I think she will realise this when I eventually move on which will screw me up a lot more.
In the end, I set her straight, I basically said, "it's either me or him", she didn't know what to say because we were disputing this for a few days, she was trying to avoid the situation so that she could remain 'friends' with me, she said everytime she has a problem she comes to me becuase she knows that I am here for her all the time. We both finally came to a decision, she picked him over me because she could go out with him all the time and get out the house and keep her mind off things and stop her getting into a depressive state.
The last text message she sent me that day consisted of "If I realise properly how stupid I was, I will contact you".
We never contacted each other for 1 day, until I got an e-mail saying 'I'm missing you loads. Love you Peter xxxx'
2 hours after that e-mail I got a text saying, 'Sorry for texting, I just need to do this because I am missing you loads, I need to help myself by doing this, Love you Peter xxxxx'
1 hour later, I never replied, she sent me another text saying 'Please can you just send me a blank text so that I know you're alright?'
I still hadn't replied, half an hour later, another text saying 'PLEASE, or I will ring you :/'
I never replied again, she phoned me, I let it ring for a while, then answered it, she asked if I was okay, I said yes, I didn't know what to say, I was blank, there was nothing I could say at all which would change her mind and make her love me again, she I stated 'this is all you, you've made this decision entirely', she said "yes I know" and that was the end of the convo.
Basically, the way I am thinking at this present time, yes maybe she is going out and having fun, but when she is at home alone with nobody to talk to, she is thinking about us, thinking about where we went wrong and regretting a lot of stuff, she is paranoid over the fact that I may be moving on and the fact my world no longer revolves around her so she tries to contact me because she is used to me just talking to her when it suits her.. At this present time, yeah maybe I will start another relationship with her but there will always be trust issues because of what she has done to me, she should have broken up with me before she did what she did.
I am writing this because I need to clear my head, I need to talk about my feelings and get some feedback on my situation, it is very difficult. I am not blaming this situation entirely on Bipolar, but I am just stating the fact my ex-girlfriend because it may have an effect on her over all decision, one day may she realise she made a real bad mistake, rememeber I was the only person she knew that totally understood her, the only person who was there every min of the day to help her with her problems? Do you think one day she will come running back? or is this just my ambitious thinking?
Thanks in advance.
I am sick of being a doormat for her, I am sick of being spoke to like crap, I am sick of her talking to me when she feels it is best to, this is one of the main reasons why I have cut off contact completely because this way, she is either speaking to me properly, or she isn't. I want her to miss me, I want her to feel lonley (it may sound harsh), this way maybe she will realise where she went wrong and what she has thrown away, I tried so hard, I put up with everything from her and this is the way she repays me. If we do try again in a relationship things will change completely, I won't be there as much and I won't let her take me for granted as much as she has done.
I thought she loved me, I thought she wanted to be with me for ALONG time, yes I will admit, we did have bad times but apart from that I don't totally understand.
Thanks your post helps me. I just got hammered into a 4 month depression trying to figure out what happened. We were so happy and right before getting married she sent me a letter telling me she was marrying another guy. Then I found out I wasn't the only guy upset his girl did this to him. She had another the whole time we were dating. It was the most romantic fraud in history. A betrayal of trust and love. A lie that caused me phycological harm. I had no idea. I want her back still but know I cant take her back. There is no forgiving or trusting. Your pain now is what she's running from. There's no fixing it or blame. Only choice is hate her or compassion. Your girls mother got cancer from years of stress dealing with her Dad. Its not worth it. Shes crazy. I know its hard. I love my crazy girl too, but never want to hurt this bad again.
Let go of the feelings of jealousy. Feel sorry for the other guy. He's in big trouble and has no idea. She will do this the rest of her life. I had a bi polar girl 20 years ago too. My 1st heartbreak. Shes still single. They have to keep running from the pain. Its not your fault.
Hi PLanceley, I'm a 29yo female who's not new to personal depression issues and I have a Bipolar Mother in law, whom has other serious problems too.
I am responding to your post because I had a relationship throughout high school which lasted a decade on & off.
I also agree with Exwentlooney's final statement of "They have to keep running from the pain. It's not your fault."
My mother in law is still messing things up, she has destroyed her kids lives and her ex husbands new wife has a restraining order against her. But her personality without bipolar mania is prickly anyway.
In my opinion, I have no doubt that you two loved each other. With that said, it will be deeply painful for each of you to part ways. I know women who have used another relationship to end a previous one because they weren't emotionally strong or mature enough to face the person and end it. I've also known guys who've had someone on the side, it's a double-edge sword.
I sometimes think it's easier for some people to move on that way, although it is not at all nice for their ex to go through. Break-ups are difficult, emotionally exhausting and painful. As we get older when assets or children are involved, they can be our worst nightmares come true.
Sometimes even when we're hurting, there comes a time that we have to be honest with ourselves about our quality of life within these relationships and the truth about the longevity of it and what a long term union with that type of person would mean for the future, considering both pro's & con's.
My ex and I had many dramatic fights and breakups throughout our relationship especially toward the end. It took 2 years for us to breakup, then another 2 years of cold turkey-NO CONTACT. If you asked me all that time ago if he was 'The One' for me, I would've replied 'YES' undoubtedly, because we knew each other so well, shared our youth, our dreams and aspirations with one another. Ask me now as a more mature, healthy and knowledgeable individual, the answer is 'NO'.
I've since found my soul-mate (I say that with the greatest of sincerity) and I look back at the now distant high school relationship with woe. It was a relationship I was so sure of while it lasted.
Such strong feelings toward a person don't always guarantee that they are right for you, your life, your future or your (possible) future children.
Hopefully my experience can lend some insight. All the best for your decisions & life.
I am married for 7 years and together for 10 years with my wife. She just finished 6 years of university, for which I paid the majority of her living expenses. As in the above posts I thought we were in it for the long haul and then 6 months ago she started saying that "we are having problems, and that she had an overwhelming urge to leave." Now, I'm a man but I still know that when there are relationship problems you sit down with the other person and make it known what your intentions are. She said that I never listened to her and that I controlled all the money. I was in charge of the mortgage and borrowing and she in charge of bills and such she also kept finding excuses not to work steadily. She tried to tell me that she was leaving over the phone while away on a holiday and I insisted she come back and have a face to face talk. She did and it seemed like talking to a brick wall. She is now gone for a month and trying to be my buddy. The emotional roller coaster has been intense but as a wise social worker friend of mine said " Through denial her personality has become the bi-polar condition." We had a great life together and I felt that I threw my whole life into being married and now I feel very lonely. This same woman loved gardening and house plants. Then at a certain point in time I noticed all the plants were dying. Now I am left alone and having to deal with division of our property. Not fun at all. I feel like I am having to pay for everything twice. Time frames, loyalty and unselfishness are not part of this new persona. I have adopted a non-aggressive wait and see attitude with a healthy dose of you know where I am If you need help.
None of this has worked for me. If you are a young person please expend your energy on someone who will care for you as much as you care for them. Looking back I never could have known this because the decision to get out was like flipping a switch. Don't go here if you can at all avoid it!
If they run and aren't going to be there for your pain, let them go - it will mess your head more than you think. I have been to the bottom of the darkest abyss in my 39 years of life - I still have feelings for a certain other, but I also have a wife who loves and stands by me.
I too am a bit messed up I places, and I can only say I am working on it - but what I know if you are given red flags take them as a MAJOR warning.
But then again if you want the rollercoaster of a ride remembering the other person thrives on drama, hell go for it, but if you also want to take a look at what the emptiness of hell feels like then stay clear and move on to someone who loves you .
To Planecely, I would stick to your first sentence after Thanks in Advance. I know what you mean about wanting her to miss you, have felt the same - the truth is that this too will consume your energy and you dont want that - let her go dude, free her like a bird, wish the bird in the sky freedom and breathe the fresh air that surrounds you.
Here's an excerpt from another post I wrote today:
I'd have to say this is the reality of trying to have a relationship with someone who is either bi-polar or who has borderline personality disorder. You better be ready for the constant mood swings and other goodies that come along with this disorder. I tried to have a relationship with someone, who I'll call KH, who has borderline personality disorder (similar in many ways). I found it exhausting and very difficult to deal with. Sometimes she was wonderful and loving....someone Iâd want in my life......then there's the times she was totally out of control.....like she lived in a different world. All I can say is if you want a life filled with drama, if her meds are not working, then by all means pursue her. I decided to cut off all communications with KH due to the treatment and crazy stuntsâ¦..and guess whatâ¦..she still wants to be friends. I donât believe Iâll ever understand her train of thought.
Same here. He wants to be friends, but friends with benefits!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to see him to get this thing out of my heart completely, it seems that the more I stay away from him the more I miss him, perhaps seeing him will make me see clearly what Im in for.
If you see him......there's the possibility you will allow him back into your life. I know...I have been there hon I allowed her back into my life.....I paid dearly for my decision....a broken heart that's difficult to heal. I would suggest you not see him at all.
I have allowed him back into my life and he has gone again, so again I have allowed him into and he has gone yet again, now he wants to be friends, I said a big NO and cut him off, he is now sending emails, so he will be back like before phoning me, and pestering me, saying he misses me, etc, I have even travelled to another country to escape the madness, but I do love him, he is my sunshine and my deep shadow, he is my joy and my deepest sadness, he is my happy guy and my strange aloof unkind man.
History has a way of repeating itself....that's why I cut her out of my life completely. Was the hardest act I have ever had to do however it was the best decision for me. I would suggest you stay away from him.....as far as you can.
I agree, Chris.....definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, too. And so sad that it even has to come to that! But I did the same things.....continuing to love him, overlook ugly words/behaviors, and being patient and understanding, choosing to keep trusting and believing in his words....and NOTHING has really changed/improved in over 4 years. I can't keep throwing time away, waiting, crying, and believing it will get better. But the choice to let go just breaks me....
n2kismet.....I know exactly what you're going through....I have experienced it myself and am lucky I was finally able to see through the fog and make the decision to remove her from my life for good....
Reggiane.....I believe you have confused terms....when I say I have removed a person from my life.....that's exactly what is meant. That person is no longer in my life in any capacity which includes friendship however it does not mean one is emotionally over that person. If you truly love someone....I believe you'll always love that person no matter what the circumstances are but it does not mean the person has to be in your life. I hope this clarifies my statements.
yes, I know. Its the same here.
Im now in Britain and he is in another country and there is no minute I dont think of him and wonder what he is doing and thinking about his working times and wanting to be with him. We have broken up yet again but Im emotionally very involved with him and I believe he is with me also, however he is having a shutdown.
He has just sent me three emails, one saying how special i am to him and another telling me to stay away longer, that we are only friends. The hurts never ceases and Im really open to another relationship, but if I find it he will then get desperate to be with me, thats the way he works. Now Im writting only the necessary and perhaps not even that. I certainly dont know what to do for the best, I just wish he was not so important to me, I start my day crying and finish it crying again, Im taking two different antidepressants. The thing is, this man took me to the highs of telling me we were husband and wife and deciding to move in with me, we got stuff for 'our' flat , we had everything ready, he was wanting to meet the rest of the family, this feels to me like a broken marriage not a broken friendhip or gf-bf relationship, it went much deeper and we spent one year and a half going out three times a week, sleeping together, travelling and bonding in laughs and private jokes, in many different ways as having our favourites restaurants, our places in our city, now I cannot even get near this places, I feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hurt, he got me the friendship card after having made me his woman, his 'wife', how do you go from one place to another I dont know, normal people dont do it. He has cheated on me and got back, now he is gone again, starting to email me again saying how important Im but still 'friends', I dont see any friendship only in our situation, I have many friends but have never slept with any, this was a love affair and still is, he is in denial , he is afraid of commitment and keeps trying to keep me in his life but not as a commited relationship. This is Bipolar, I dont know if one day he will wake up for what he is saying and doing, Im certain that any other woman wont be any near to his heart as i am, he thinks it is esy to get someone and fall in love, but he hasnt loved me all this time, he says he cannot love, so how is he going to love someone else he doesn even know I dong understand. This is absolute hell.
Reggiane....you need to stop communicating with him....completely. When I finally made the decision to stop all communications....my life started to get back on track. Am I completely over the situation? Not yet....but as time marches on...the pain becomes less and less. Will I continue to love her? Of course I will however it does not mean I want her in my life. She bought nothing but destruction and pain into my life from day one and I was too head over heels in love to recognize it. All I wanted was her in my life and I was willing to go to any length to have her in my life. This was completely out of character for me as I am a very level headed individual and can usually see right through someone's actions. It was different with her....she drew me to her like no one ever had....I was so deeply in love with her....it was almost like an addiction...possibly it was but it doesn't matter now....it's over and I am moving on in life. I am much happier and there is so much more stability in my life without the crazy outlandish acts she used to impose on me. I feel I am very fortunate to have lived through this mess and am able to discuss and possibly help others who are going through the same ordeal. My prayers and good wishes are with anyone who has to live through something like this......
You said that, it is an addiction. I cant even think of him, the way he moves, his clothes, his body, his smile, I feel terrible. I feel I need him like water, i could never get fed up with making love to him, it was like new wine every time.
This happened to me only with him, not in other relationships, I didnt have many , but I know this is different, this is sooooooo intense, I feel I dont want to live if living is without him (like the song).At the moment he is acting cold and being distant, i dont know till when. Why life cannot be easier,why cant I love a normal man.