ok im needing another point of view i was diagnosed with adhd when i was young. .i have went to free clinics before and they dont talk to you and get to the real problem they just kept giving me meds that made me worse than not taking them when dhs asked for a letter from the saying i was unable to work it said social phobia and depressive disorder .then i went to my dads friend that was a psychologist and he said i have avoidant personality disorder .my cousin is bipolar (and treated by the same psychologist ) my uncle is bipolar or schizophrenic he blacks out and has amnesia like symptoms.
my symptoms art least the ones i can think of now i have so many
i dont want to go in public or communicate when anyone not even on phone or pc
i feel like everyone is staring at me and like im inferior or im going to do somethinmg wrong its overwhelming always
i go days without sleeping
i get very angry for no reason especialy if i have to leave the house
im always aggitated
i cant concentrate because of random thoughts goin through my head example :i have to have dvr on my tv cuase in a 30 min show i have lost concentration and have to rewind it back to where i remember and start it again sometimes i have to do this 3-4 times on the same part because i lost concentration after rewinding its pathetic and the thoughts arent usually important like stress would cuase
in public i get hot and cold rushs through my body and sometimes ill feel like im going to pass out
i cant stand certain textures certain sheets clothes etc
i have horrible nightmares when i sleep usually similar in nature where im being hunted or experimented on sometimes with others
im usually depressed or sad
my nephew is autistic and i heard it runs in families my sister talks to a lot of autistic therapist and tells them about me and one said it sounds like asperger syndrome
i used to do alot of drugs that couldnt have helped im 32 now and when i was 9 i dropped acid and again serveral more times around age 12 then when i was about 18 - 25 i did meth anyway you can do it
when i was about 13 all my friends at school were inhaling straight butane gas to get high stupid i know but one time some may call it a halucination butt i ve had those i think i died for a minute or so becuase i was in a field with smoke and fog and felt a drwing force and felt people with me even though no one was there and then there was a white light in the field and then my friends started freaking out cause i wasnt responding but i could hear them and i focused on what they were saying and i was back if i did died momentarily i could have some damage
i wont lie every once and a while i smoke weed but nothing else
these are the meds that made me worse abilify,geodon,lamectal these are from the free clinic and made me worse
psychologist didnt prescribe me anything yay!!said they only masks probs
sometimes when i do leave the house i feel doom or bad luck all around me like something horrible is going to happen any minute
the only person i want to be around is my mom which i live with
i always feel like a burden on everyone
i have had suicidal thoughts many of times but i could never do that to my mother after all she has lost but i dont think it would be long after she goes i would
this has affected me forever and i cant hold down a job i didnt finish 8th grade
my mom has supported me thus far but she supports my mentally handicapped uncle and my sisters family some but shes not in good health and were waiting for results back on possible cancer its taking both my grandmas aunt and grampa everyones after me to get ssi or disability butt since my mom has always done everything for me i dont have a history of doctors and im having hard time getting one to listen and address everything psychologist just acted like my symptoms are from me quitting drugs and are recent but i have had all these symptoms since childhood i have no friends i never leave the house my psychologist saw me one time and said well i dont see any anger here its not like im angry 24/7 im around him for 1hr and a half and he acts like what his sees then is all thats wrong with me i even go a day or 2 without getting mad for no reason, the free place doesnt talk to you or anything they just shove pills in your face and tell you to go hows that help or find problems but i need this resolved for my future please help any thoughts my lead me in the right direction
i think its alot of thing wrong with me and i dont know where to turn .....i know i deserve to be made fun of and have done alot of stupid things when i was younger but im a decent person now ,maybe a little or a lot off center................... thanks
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