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BiPolar Boyfriend

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My boyfriend and I are both 18 and have been together for 1 year and 8 months. He has Bipolar disorder as well as ADHD and has had them since he was a small child. We have been through so many trials and tribulations in our relationship, but recently since starting college things have taken a turn for the worse. His relationships with friends and family have been practically nonexistent and he ends up pushing people away. His mother has been his primary parental figure, he doesn't like his father, well his mom hates me and has made him break up with me several time even though he is an adult.I don't know why his mother hates me and neither does he, but in the last month she believes that we broke up and she acts nice to him now, but still he always says he doesn't want to be around people anymore and that he wishes he could go into a "coma". His reclusive behavior scares me and I have talked him into going to see his psychiatrist and psychologist again. I have been nothing but a devout girlfriend, i love him with all my heart and i hate to see him hurting, but continues to push me away with everyone else, he yells at me for calling him and when i don't he yells at me for that as well. when i make suggestions he yells at me and makes up some bull excuse saying he just can't do it (like when i tell him he needs to get his already way late essay turned in to the professors), i try to be there and he acts as though he'd rather me dead, when i hang out or talk to my friends he yells at me (even though their his friends too). He breaks up with for stupid things like not being able to see him for one day then he wants me back. I personally don't have any clue what he wants and i don't think he knows what he wants. I'm at a loss for what to do, i wanna be his girlfriend not a second mother and i want him to respect me and not treat me like trash one day and a princess the next, it's so frustrating i just don't know what to do. My friends tell me i should leave him until he finds out what he wants, but for me its so hard to do and i don't want to because his behavior is so unpredictable that he threatens to kill himself if i leave him. I love him with all my heart and i can never see him in any pain whatsoever, but he is just cauing me so much pain to the point where i can barely function and i lose my friends because of him. Please help i am desperate for advice from others! Thank you!
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replied March 27th, 2009
He won't change.
Trust me, I have been dealing with the same issues for over 21 years and have 2 kids from this guy.

They will continue to lack self-esteem, have control issues, bullying issues, and major denial for responsibility.

Save yourself a bunch of grief and heartache and move on with your life.

Love is not supposed to be a one way street, and that is the way it will be if you stay in that relationship.
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replied May 17th, 2009
i feel what you feel
i have a bipolar boyfriend as well, we've only been together 4 months though. he can never accept fault, and usually claims that it was something i did. even though i know i didnt do anything. i love him though and i know he loves me but he causes me so much pain emotionally. he has his fits and really hurts himself sometimes. if im going over his house and it takes me a little while he'll complain that i took too long. i think i am a very good girlfriend and it seems that you are too. you cant let it get to you though cause its nothing that youre doing, its just the way he is.
i have the friend issue as well, but as long as hes there its okay but when im hanging out with our friends and hes not there he feels betrayed and cheated out.

i dont know what to do either, i know it would be a lot better for me to break up with him but i dont have the heart to do it.

lots of luck<3
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replied May 18th, 2009
is he on meds?
If he's on meds he should switch or adjust the levels my bf has gotten that way too in the past(ive mostly exp. what you have described when he slepped back into mania). If he is not on meds he needs something.
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replied May 18th, 2009
understanding
my friend and her bf have been together for 8 months and he has been doing the same thing to her. he got rid of everyone from his life except her and her friends. she comes to my house almost everyday crying because she can't handle it and everyone is telling her that he isn't worth the heartache. i agree with them but i know what a good guy he can be. i think you should talk to him and yea he might yell but something might really hit him. try and talk to your mutual friends and try to get them to talk him and watch out for him. tell him that if he is going to act this way on or off meds whichever he is on or not on he needs to grow up. even with being bipolar and having adhd he is old enough to know what is acceptable and what isn't. it just sounds kind of rediculous to me. i hope you figure this out
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replied May 25th, 2009
My boyfriend has cyclothmia, which is a milder type of bipolar disorder, but I can still relate to what you're going through (even the part about his mom not liking you).
All that you can do is be there for him, but please please please look after yourself as well. Think about it this way: if are not positive and stable yourself, how can you help him?
My boyfriend and I did break up once, but we realized that we still had strong feelings for each other, so I made a conscious decision to get back together with him knowing that it would not ever be smooth sailing. So I understand how painful the breakups can be.
In the end, it is your choice to stay with him, and if you do, please make sure that you keep in touch with your friends and go out and have fun.
Forgive me for this cliche, but you won't be 18 forever. It is important that you also enjoy your life.
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